Dear Kid,

It’s May 1 (Happy May!) which means it’s May Day, Save the Rhino Day, and Mother Goose Day.

We’ve talked about May Day (read about it here and here if you don’t remember) and we’ve talked about Saving Rhinos (here), but we haven’t really talked about Mother Goose.

Mostly because the seemingly innocent Mama Goose rhymes and stories are—when you get right down to it—creepy as all get out.

‘frigzample: Humpty Dumpty isn’t an egg. Mind blown, right? I don’t know who started drawing Sir Dumpty as an egg, but probably it was someone who could draw an oval more easily than he or she could draw King Richard III.

Humpty Dumpty (King Richard III) sat on a wall (actually a horse, but that’s also hard to draw). HD (KRIII) had a great fall. Yep, fell off his mount, yelled “My kingdom for a horse!” (didn’t get one). All the King’s horse and all the King’s men couldn’t put H together again. Well, when you think about it, how many horses are well known healers? (Centaurs don’t count.)

Then there’s Mary, Mary quite contrary. Turns out that “contrary” in this case means “homicidal psychopath” and the Mary in question is Queen Mary I. It further turns out that “silver bells” and “cockle shells” are medieval torture devices (she was a vicious woman, that QM I).

You know that Ring Around the Rosy is about the plague (because we watch NCIS and learn these things–I was going to include the relevant clip, but I just spent 2 hours looking for it and My Friend the Internet isn’t cooperating. Use your imagination.).

The list goes on, but it doesn’t get any nicer. Since today is a lovely nice day, I will stop with the gory tales (also because I am a sweet flower who is too delicate for such stories before coffee).

Save the Rhinos.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s May Day! And in honor of the first day of the month, we have Julie Andrews (love!) singing The Lusty Month of May. Extra points if you know that it’s from Camelot (since you’re in the middle of finals, I thought I’d spare you the brain power of having to remember).

It is also Save the Rhino Day. And since rhinoceroses are having a hard time of things, having a day to encourage them is the least we can do. The very least.

There are five species of Rhinos: Black Rhino (2,400 left in the world), White Rhino (7.500 left in the world), Sumatran Rhino (400 left in the world), Javan Rhino (less than 100 left in the world), and Indian Rhino (Latin name: Rhinoceros unicornis. Over 2,000 left in the world). For the record, white rhinos aren’t white, black rhinos aren’t black, and Indian rhinos aren’t magical.

The African species (the white and black rhinos) have two horns as does the Asian Sumatran rhino. The Indian and Javan each have one horn. No matter how many horns they have, someone wants it/them, making rhinos super endangered.

The rhinos themselves don’t exactly help matters a lot, seeing as how they are solitary critters who prefer staying home and needle pointing to going out to the local watering hole to catch up on the news. Rhinos fight over just about anything: territories, use of the family car, you name it. This is undoubtedly why a group of rhinos is called a crash (seriously). They also fight during courtship, having refused to take lessons from Eddie’s father (ancient TV show reference. Don’t sweat it. Just smile and nod like you appreciate the wink to US culture in a rhino post).

The word rhinoceros is a combination of two greek words: rhino (nose) and ceros (horn). This is unfortunate, because it is much more fun to say rhino-SAUR-us and pretend they are closely related to dino-SAUR-us-es.

Rhinos do not make good house pets. White rhinos can weigh more than 5,000 pounds. And if you thought zebras produced a lot of dung…well, let’s just say shoveling rhino poop is not for the weak of heart or the weak of arm.

Happy May Day. Happy Save a Rhino Day. Happy Today.

Love, Mom