Dear Kid,

Have you ever found yourself in the mood to argue?

Sometimes we don’t even notice that we’re in the mood to argue until we find ourselves defending something we don’t care about at all.

“I don’t care what you say, I’m not going to watch TV! I’m going to bed!”

Um. Okay?

“No, it’s NOT okay and you CAN’T MAKE ME!”

Riiiight.

It’s hard to say why we get into moods like that. Maybe we’re tired, maybe we’re hungry, maybe we’re frustrated with something and our frustration is leaking out in different areas, maybe the stars are in the wrong alignment.

When we argue about things because we’re in an arguing mood, we generally need a break to recover, figure out what’s really going on, take a deep breath, or sleep/eat/run/read/whatever to rebalance ourselves. Or just to wait for the stars to realign.

Sometimes we argue because we Need To Be Right.

That can important because in some cases there are things that are wrong (2+2=7). Other times, being “right” is a matter of interpretation or opinion (creamy peanut butter is right and chunky pb is just wrong). In those cases, it’s wise to think about how important “winning” is.

There’s a saying (that might be from the Marines according to My Friend the Internet): Choose the hill you’re willing to die on.

Meaning: Not everything is important enough to fight for. Or even to argue over.

Choose your fights. Live to fight (or possibly persuade) another day.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

College is a time of change.

Life is a time of change, but college is a time of ultra-change.

Sometimes change can be exciting, a time of moving forward, tasting new experiences, refining who you are.

Sometimes change can be sad, a sense of loss, an emptiness when a friend or activity vanishes.

Sometimes change can feel somewhat defeating. Sometimes change can feel overwhelming. Sometimes change can feel like failure.

Changing your mind can be hard. Changing your major, changing your friendships, changing your goals can be freeing—or paralyzing. (Or sometimes both at the same time.)

But change and failure are not the same.

Failure is only failure if you allow it to defeat you. If you crawl under a rock and refuse to come out. It does not need to be permanent. It does not need to be anything other than a first try. Or a second. Or a third.

As an (extremely) wise man once said, “Change is not always better, but better is always a change.”

Change is just different. In college, you get to think of change as trying something new. Hopefully, you get to carry that perspective with you your entire life.

FAIL–First Attempt In Learning.

END–Effort Never Dies.

Keep going. Keep trying. Keep changing when you need to or want to. Keep meeting new people and tasting new foods. Keep true to yourself while stretching your wings. Keep in touch.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

As you are aware, shoes are important.

They protect our feet from Legos left lying around (love that alliteration), they keep our toes warm and dry (sometimes), and they look good.

Looking good is the most important part.

Duh.

Which isn’t to say shoes aren’t allowed to be comfortable, just that comfort is not the most important consideration. At least it’s not in my world.

BUT

If there were a way to combine extreme comfort with extreme good looks…well, it would be silly not to pay attention.

So I got all kinds of excited when I saw an article on Mashable titled The World’s ‘Most Comfortable’ Stiletto Gave Me Foot Sores.

No, I am not hoping for foot sores. I believe my feet are frequently sore enough, thank you.

But “the world’s most comfortable stiletto”? That required investigation. (And by “investigation” I mean “reading the article rather than going to sleep.”)

Turns out the self-described Most Comfortable Stiletto was reasonably comfortable according to the reviewer, but she still had red spots on her feet at the end of the day. I can’t comment on their comfort since I didn’t wear them.

Nor am I likely to since they are not billed as the World’s Most Gorgeous Stilettos. For a reason. (You can judge for yourself World’s Most Comfortable Stiletto .)

More importantly, they are not billed as the World’s Most Affordable Stilettos. For a reason. More like 500 reasons.

For the time being, I am content to wear my heels. Which may not be the World’s Most anything, but they are gorgeous and affordable and not crippling. Which is more or less all I ask of my shoes.

That and to protect me from the occasional stray Lego.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s one of those days.

One of those days when I had an utterly brilliant idea for today’s letter. I know it was utterly brilliant because I said to myself, “That is an utterly brilliant idea!”

My fingers however did not exactly agree.

My fingers looked at each other, rolled their eyes, and refused to have anything to do with typing about the utterly brilliant idea.

In fact, my fingers suggested that there was no way on earth the Utterly Brilliant Idea could be turned into a blog unless Albus Dumbledore himself got some serious magic involved.

Since I don’t have access to the aforementioned headmaster, my fingers decided to nap.

Do you know how hard it is to get all ten digits to wake up and work together?

I tried again. I tried to convince my left should and some seriously influential brain cells to take up the cause. They laughed and went out for coffee.

Clearly, there is a revolution afoot. (Technically, I didn’t get my feet involved in the discussion since they tend to have fairly base ideas.)

Perhaps tomorrow I’ll find a way to make my brilliant idea work.

Perhaps it will take longer than 24 hours.

Either way, I love you.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We were having a lovely GNO (Girls’ Night Out) dinner.

“I have to tell you,” I said, “I lied to you.”

DJ got on her best ‘OK, I’m Listening face.’

“Remember when I told you I’m only judgmental about people who try to force-feed me kale?”

She nodded.

“I lied.”

Her eyes got big while she waited.

“I’m also judgmental about people who are cruel to animals. And about people who abuse children.”

DJ nodded. “Probably also about people who throw litter out their car window while they’re driving 70 mph on the highway.”

“All in all, I’m a lot more judgmental than I thought I was,” I concluded.

I waited for her reaction.

“That’s it?” she said.

“There might be more. But that’s what’s coming to mind right now.”

“Uh-huh,” she summarized, “well, that seals it. You’re human.”

We like to believe we’re non-judgmental. We like to believe we can accept people for who they are, what they believe in, and how they act.

Most of us have strong values and beliefs. Most of us believe that our values allow us to be open and accepting about everyone else’s values and beliefs.

And for most of us, that’s true—up to a point.

Because for most of us, our beliefs don’t stretch open far enough to allow us to be accepting of people who abuse children. Or who mistreat animals.

Which makes us better humans.

And that is a good thing.

Love, Mom