Dear Kid,

Continuing our theme of Thanksgiving food (hadn’t noticed the theme? We talked about Weird Thanksgiving foods and apple pie so far this week), it seems time to talk turkey about turkeys.

Assuming you’re having turkey and not pizza, that is.

Since it’s Thanksgiving, it’s a good bet there is a bird in your near future. It’s also a good bet that many people will hack their bird to unattractive pieces.

Speaking as a hacker, I can attest to the truism that bird tastes just as good no matter how pretty the slices are.

But as many people are quick to point out, we also eat with our eyes, and there are extra points for pretty.

So, being the kind of mom I am, I found a great video of How to Carve a Turkey just for you.

Now you know. So next year, you can plan to carve the bird.

Love, Mom

More about Turkeys from DearKidLoveMom.com

Weird Thanksgiving Food, Pizza, and Talking Turkeys

Puppy Conversations | Puppy Talks Turkey

Happy Almost Turkey Day | How DKLM Helps in Office Trivia

Turkey Tryouts | How to Pick the Best Bird

Happy Thanksgiving | 12 Things You Always Wanted to Know About Turkeys

Turkey and Technology

Don’t Let the Turkeys Get You Down

Puppy Conversations | Puppy Discusses Thanksgiving Leftovers

The Discovery of Tryptophan, Leftovers, and a Good Nap

Eating Through Canada | Wonder of Wonder, Meal of Meals

Weird Thanksgiving Facts

Dear Kid,

The Annual Great Pumpkin Muffin Bake has begun.

This year, since someone (not mentioning any names, but it’s you) requested 100 muffins to take back to school, there will be More Than The Usual Amount of Baking.

Last night I made 137 muffins (at which point I ran out of ingredients). Then Pi came home and 30 seconds later there were 6 muffins left. That’s why there aren’t any photos. Because there aren’t any muffins to take pix of.

Not to worry. Dad bought more ingredients and there will be more baking this week—and Pi will be given a muffin quota.

She has expressed sadness at the muffin quota.

The Puppy has also expressed sadness at the muffin quota because his quota is zero. Partly because there aren’t any muffins left, but mostly because these pumpkin muffins have raisins which is a huge canine no-no. He suggested (quite clearly) that I was more than welcome to pick out the raisins for him or—better yet—make a batch without raisins.

When I fell down on the floor laughing he licked my chin once, then went to his pillow in a huff. Apparently a nap cures all ill feeling because he’s once again my BFF.

I’m quite sure that he’ll continue supervising during the next batch of baking.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Overheard at work, a conversation between an Older Dude (and by “older” I mean he is past his twenties) and a Younger Dude (and by “younger” I mean he has yet to get to his twenties).

Older Dude: Whatcha eatin’ there?

Younger Dude: Pumpkin seeds

Older Dude: They good?

Younger Dude: Yep. They are

Older Dude: Better be careful about those

Younger Dude: Huh?

Older Dude: You know what happens when you eat those?

Younger Dude: Um, no?

Older Dude: You grow a pumpkin in your stomach

Younger Dude: Well, then I better eat them, because I’m trying to gain weight

The rest of the office cracked up.

It might have been funnier in person.

Careful what you eat today.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Boo!

It is the wonderful time of year when ghosts can be friendly, princesses roam the streets, and candy has no calories.

Unless you’re in college in which case ghosts are ghosts, princesses roam the streets, and beer has no calories.

Meanwhile, you’ve probably been wondering about jack-o’-lanterns. Fear not, kiddo, I am here to provide answers.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Stingy Jack. Jack was a big drinker (did I mention this is an Irish folk tale?), and one day S.J. was out drinking with the Devil. Being a bit devilish himself, Stingy Jack convinced the Devil to turn himself into a coin to pay for the drinks. Once the Devil was money, S.J. put the coin into his pocket with a silver cross (to prevent the Devil from un-coining himself).

Fast forward to the negotiation part of the story and Jack promised to free the Devil if he (the Devil) wouldn’t bother him (Jack) for a year and if he (the Devil) agreed that if Jack died he (the Devil) could never clam his (Jack’s) soul.

Deal. (The Devil was not big on being a coin.)

In this story, the Devil wasn’t particular smart and allowed himself to be tricked again by Stingy Jack but that part isn’t very interesting so we’re skipping it.

Eventually, Stingy Jack died. S.J. wasn’t on the guest list for heaven, but the Devil had promised not to take him to hell. Dilemma. Jack was sent to wander around on earth with only a burning coal for light. He (Stingy Jack) put the coal into a turnip as a lantern, which in one fell swoop saved his hands from burning and turned Stingy Jack into Jack of the Lantern or Jack o’ Lantern.

Hence and therefore, the Irish carved scary faced into turnips, beets, potatoes, and the occasional rutabaga to scare off Stingy Jack (or other wandering spirits).

One wonders at the logic of this since it’s not entirely obvious that a person who drank with and outwitted the Devil twice would be the least intimidated by a carved vegetable.

Happy Halloween!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s that time of year.

The time of year when—if you don’t like scary movies—you have to be very careful about randomly searching for something to watch on TV.

It’s the Halloween-y time of year when the people in charge of deciding what to put on the airwaves cablewaves love their jobs because it’s easy. Late October? Roll out the Halloween movies! Let there be scary!

Zombies? Bring ‘em on. Crazy people killing crazy people? Add them to the schedule. Ability to market “shock and terrify”? Bring on the advertising!

And those of us who are not fans of terror? Beware the ads, beware the commercials, beware the sneak previews, and mostly beware of channel surfing.

On the other hand, if you love scary movies, you shouldn’t have any trouble finding something to watch.

I was going to make you a list of the best scary movies, but then I saw some of the titles and the movie posters and I decided if I ever want to sleep again maybe making a scary movie list wasn’t such a good idea.

I’ll stick with happy little ghosts and cheerful pumpkins and candy.

Love, Mom