Posts Tagged "prom"

Dart Wars Arrives!

Dear Kid,

As I may have mentioned, it’s Spring. And with Spring comes tulips, and bunnies, and weeding, and Dart Wars.

Dart Wars originated in Ancient Greece when the students of Greekus High Schoolus formed squads and bought Nerf guns.

Dart Wars do not in any way shape or form involve dart frogs. DearKidLoveMom.comThe rules have remained relatively unchanged since then (with slight modifications for inventions like cars and cell phones).

Pi is participating in Dart Wars this year and the Wars start tomorrow.

Planning for Dart Wars is somewhere between planning for Prom and organizing shopping for Black Friday. It requires the attention to detail generally only seen in operating rooms and the audacity of a Hail Mary pass with only 3 seconds left in the game.

There are meetings, wardrobe consultations, battle plans, alternative plans, hiding places, instructions for allies (and parents), contingency plans, housing arrangements, reprovisioning stations, and warnings to NOT under ANY circumstances—ANY—invite an Unknown Person into the house. ANY.

It also involves teenagers voluntarily getting up much earlier than usual which may be the most amazing part of the entire event.

Stay tuned for the next six weeks of attacks and counter attacks.

Love, Mom

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A GREAT Day in Sports

Dear Kid,

Yesterday was a great day in sports (depending on your point of view of course).

The Rangers won the first game of the semi-finals (east) 2:1. Dad was out reffing so Pi picked up the coaching from the couch duties.

The Puppy napped.

Pi got ready for Prom (yes, prom is a sporting event). She looked fabulous, complete with a gold converse sneaker on one foot and a pink tie-died sock and aircast on the other.

The Puppy barked and had to be bribed to get out of the pictures.

There was golf. Records were broken. (Clean up on aisle 3.)

And American Pharaoh swam through the mud to victory at the Preakness, which means there is the possibility for a triple crown in three weeks at the Belmont Stakes.

The Puppy chewed on his foot to address an itch and then suggested he share dinner with Dad.

But here’s the best part of the day.

Charlotte Brown finished third at the Texas State Championships. You may remember (if not, I’ll remind you) that Charlotte Brown is an amazing teenager who just happens to be a blind pole vaulter. Vador, her guide dog, joined her on the medal stand. Massive cheers!

The Puppy was suitably impressed. Then asked to be scratched.

Love, Mom

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Red Skinny Jeans | Unlikely to Destroy Life (or Prom) As We Know It

Dear Kid,

Red Skinny Jeans -- unlikely to destroy life (or prom) as we know it DearKidLoveMom.comExcuse me while I jot a brief letter to Not You.

Dear Vast Majority of People,

Get A Grip.

I’m not sure who is in charge of the world, but I’m pretty sure it’s not you. Please do not take upon yourself to “correct” all that is wrong with the world, because A) no single person or group can possibly fix everything all at once and B) no one appointed you Head of All Things.

Thank you.


There are problems in the world right now. Ferries are crashing, planes are disappearing, Russia is annexing territory faster than makeup trends change. But now we have entered a whole new season of nonsense: Prom Season.

Prom Season is its own kind of crazy.

Every year some people get a little loco around appropriate attire. With good reason. Sometimes girls wear dresses cut up to here or down to there and it’s a bit more than a bit much.


If there isn’t a policy about what one can or can’t wear, prom officials need to keep quiet. Oh, they can frown disapprovingly and whisper to each other how no one dressed like that in their day. (They didn’t. They had other inappropriate clothing.) But you can’t throw a kid out because her dress is too short if you don’t tell people they can’t wear dresses less than an inch long.


You can’t throw a kid out of prom because you just happen not to want to wear what they are wearing.


You can’t throw a girl out of a prom because she is wearing red skinny jeans—unless perhaps that’s all she’s wearing which wasn’t the case in this instance.

Shafer Rupard from Cherryville, N.C. (population: not very many) was thrown out of her prom for wearing red skinny jeans. All of her body parts that should be covered were covered. In fact, I’d venture to guess she was more covered than the vast majority of the girls in attendance.

When the teacher-chaperone approached her about her attire, Shafer thought it was the leather jacket and baseball cap that were the problem and offered to take them off.

Not so, not so. It was the red skinny jeans.

Did I mention there was no dress code?

I have several thoughts about the teacher-chaperone in question (about whom no one is talking) ranging from “What were you thinking?” to “I bet you’re jealous you can’t fit in those jeans” and covering other non-complimentary acreage I wouldn’t want to print here.

And Shafer still hasn’t gotten an apology. Which may be the worst attire issue of all.

The point is: people have got to get a grip.

Love, Mom


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Important Facts About Prom, After Prom, and All Night Events

Snoopy sleeping after promDear Kid,

Things I have learned about prom. This may not seem very important I know; but it is, so I’m bothering telling you so. (OK, it isn’t really important, but I love the quote. Extra points if you know where it’s from.)

Corsage. BackInTheDay wrist corsages were held on by uncomfortable elastic that never stayed in place (leading to wobbly flowers). Today, the uncomfortable and wobbly elastic has been replaced by an uncomfortable but highly stable slap bracelet.

Photos. Photos are a fancy occasion ritual and prom is no exception. Fortunately, digital film is free and there is no wait to develop pictures (yeah, I’m old, I get it). There is a reason pix are taken at the beginning of the evening: very few people look as good (or as awake) at the end of prom night.

Cost. You have rotten parents. This is not news to you, I’m sure. Turns out there are many families that spend a gazillion dollars (over $1,000 in some places) on average PER CHILD on prom. We decided you’d prefer to eat for the rest of the month. Sorry kid.

Entering the dance. The term “prom” comes from the word “promenade,” which means to parade in with your escort in a ridiculous and highly old fashioned way. At least in our neck of the woods, couples show up sooner or later to the dance and enter at will rather than waiting to stroll in as procession. The term prom has stuck around anyway.

Attire. As I mentioned, a Lot of Work goes into formal attire. It is really nice seeing all you people cleaned up so nicely. You really look spectacular when you try. (Note: there is frequently much less work put into attire for the afterprom, for which everyone [except the retail store owners] is quite grateful.)

Shoes. You know I love shoes. You know I love shoes more than chocolate. But—and I feel strongly about this—people ought to be able to walk in the shoes they have on their feet. I’m not suggesting you have to wear shoes all evening. But if you can’t at least walk in and out of the venue in your shoes, you have (imho) two choices: learn to walk in them or get different shoes.

Royalty. According to the internet (and you know they can’t put anything on the internet if it’s not true), many proms have a king and queen. Or some version of court royalty. (Court jester, anyone?) I know that around here there is a whole voting-for-the-court for homecoming thing, but I don’t know that prom gets the same royal treatment. Thoughts?

Afterprom. Around here, afterprom is an OverTheTop extravaganza. I think this is fabulous as people want to go to afterprom (often skipping prom in the process) and stay there. This is a wonderful alternative to doing your best to escape afterprom and ending up in a car sideways in a ditch on the side of a mountain. Not that that would ever happen. Although I dined out on that story for years. I mean, someone could have dined out on that story for years. If it had ever happened. Which it obviously didn’t. And just for the record, I wasn’t the driver.

The Day After. The day after prom should be a day to remember the night before (hopefully with fondness). It should be a day for finding out how everyone else’s experience was. As with any all night event, it should be reserved for sleeping enough to return to human status and completely throw off your sleep cycle. It should not be a day to growl at your parents because you are tired.

Sleep well, Kid.

Love, Mom

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The Irreverent (and Entirely Fictitious) History of the Tuxedo

Bond-James-Bond-in-tuxdeoDear Kid,

Once upon a time, people wore the skins of whatever they had recently eaten for dinner. This made staying warm difficult for vegetarians and people in coastal societies who lived primarily on seafood.

Then someone discovered that penguins were toasty warm creatures even though they lived in ice and snow (and weren’t smart enough to build igloos)—and men’s fashion was born.

Not long after that, James Bond appeared in the movies and the idea of wearing leopard skin to a formal event was forever gone.

Really, I don’t know why people find history so difficult.


Renting a tuxedo is the easiest clothing experience I have ever participated in. But to appreciate this you first have to understand the joy and sanity of finding a women’s outfit for a formal occasion.

  1. Search through 16 magazines for inspiration.
  2. Discuss colors, styles, fit, formality, dress length, shoes, jewelry, hair, and many other details with friends, relatives, and the occasional complete stranger.
  3. Plan shopping expedition “A.”
  4. Visit store #1. Look at every dress in the store. Try on 80% of them. Reject all for various reasons.
  5. Visit store #2. Look at every dress in the store. Try on 87% of them. Seriously consider 3. Retry the three. Ponder. Consult. Weigh options. Decide to put one on hold.
  6. Rinse and repeat through several shopping trips and countless stores.
  7. Eventually decide on a dress. Move on to the process of locating shoes…

Get the point? And we haven’t even talked about accessories, hair, and makeup.

But the tux rental process?

  1. Walk in.
  2. Point to tux you want from the several on display.
  3. Get measured.
  4. Choose vest and tie.
  5. Slip on shoes to confirm size.
  6. Go have frozen yogurt.

See what I mean? If nothing before has convinced you, this ought to be proof positive that men and women are fundamentally different.

Have a wonderful time at prom tonight, sweetie.

Love, Mom

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