Dear Kid,

Because we’re a crazy sort of couple, Dad and I stayed home and watched Free Birds a few nights ago. Very cute movie. The basic premise is that a couple of turkeys travel back in time to the first Thanksgiving to make sure turkey is not on the menu.

After a series of adventures, the turkeys win and deliver pizza from the future to the first Pilgrim feast.

Which started me thinking about odd Thanksgiving food (you thought I was going to wonder about talking turkeys, didn’t you?).

I understand that many people feel strongly about Thanksgiving and its associated traditions. I’m all for tradition, but I like the idea of contemplating something new. And since “new” and “food” go together beautifully in my world, I turned to my good Friend the Internet for inspiration.

Let me tell you, there are a lot of weird ideas about weird Thanksgiving food out there. There are some things that sounded interesting and (duh) some things that sounded downright wrong. Like turkey gravy cupcakes.

Let me be really clear: savory cupcakes are great if you like that sort of thing, but gravy does not belong in a cupcake. Not now. Not ever. Because I said so. (Sometimes, you just have to put your foot down as a mom.)

Also the Thanksgiving Dinner Cake sounds like a bad idea. The basic recipe is turkey meatloaf which you bake in round pans and use as the “cake”; stuffing for the “icing” between the layers of meatloaf; regular mashed potatoes as “icing” on the sides of the cake; sweet potatoes as the “icing” on the top of the cake; and (of course) mini marshmallows on top of the sweet potato layer. Actually, this sounds like a great idea for dealing with leftovers if you have children under 10.

On the other hand, the idea of Thanksgiving sushi rolls sounds really good. A little turkey, a little sweet potato, a bit of cranberry, and a bit of love all rolled up in a rice and cut sushi-style. How bad could it be?

Apple cider mimosas sound like an idea worth trying. As does doing something with butternut squash. Don’t know where we’d fit another side dish, but I like the idea.

I found a recipe for soft pretzel stuffing which sounds like a great idea because the bread won’t get mushy.

What do you think about pumpkin cornbread served warm with honey? I think YUM.

The photo of stuffed Brussel sprouts (like stuffed mushrooms only greener) almost makes me believe these little babies are low cal and healthy. (I’m pretty sure it’s a rule that you can’t do healthy on Thanksgiving).

I did not find anyone suggesting salmon (although I think that would be a great Thanksgiving food). Nor did I find any suggestions for pizza. Pizza makes a lot of sense since the national religion of Thanksgiving is overeating and football.

Maybe the turkeys got it right after all.

Love, Mom

The turkeys shared pizza. You can share DearKidLoveMom.

Dear Kid,

In my search for Terribly Interesting Information, I have been researching pizza. Yep, I have found Bizarre Pizza facts.

Turns out Mrs. Joe Neanderthal invented pizza. She didn’t mean to. She meant to make a pie for dinner, but ran out of dough. So instead of covering it, she served it flat (she didn’t have a pie dish since they wouldn’t be invented for several thousand years) without a cover. The little Neanderthals immediately ate all of it, started watching too much TV, and began arguing about the proper way to eat a slice. Pizza was invented.

Pizza is the math of food. There is a Pizza Principle stating (with ridiculous accuracy) that the cost of a pizza has matched the cost of a NYC subway ride for over 50 years. There is the Pizza Theorem which it’s too early in the morning for me to understand (much less explain) so if you want to know more about it go check it out on Wikipedia; I can tell you that it involves the symbol pi, which seems very fitting.

Mostly there is a lot of pizza (the best of which is in NYC just a subway ride away). On average, Americans eat 46 slices of pizza a year. Professional eater Joey Chestnut set a record when he ate 40½ slices of pizza in 10 minutes. I have no idea how he eats his pizza, but I can say with confidence that if you eat that much pizza in that short a time you’re doing it wrong.

In Scotland, they deep fry pizzas. I have no words. Seriously, no words. But I may need to plan a trip to Scotland to investigate further.

36% of people consider pizza the perfect breakfast. They are correct. (But for the record I should note that it is not the only perfect breakfast.)

The world’s fastest pizza maker can make 14 pizzas in 2 minutes and 35 seconds. This seems like an abundance of efficiency to me.

Pizza is so important that NASA is developing 3D printers that can print pizzas for astronauts. My opinion on that has yet to be determined. Pizza?, yes; in space?, certainly; 3D printed?, hmmm, not sure about that yet. But then again I’ve never eaten 3D printed food.

If you’re eating pizza today (and if you hadn’t planned to, this may have changed your mind), enjoy! If you’re not eating pizza today, enjoy whatever you are eating.

Love, Mom

Which pizza lover do you know who would enjoy DearKidLoveMom.com? Spread the word! Share the pizza! Sign up for daily delivery (of the blog, not the pizza).

Dear Kid,

Not sure if you’ve got the latest Calendar Update, but September is Better Breakfast Month.

As you know, breakfast is my favorite meal of the day. (Except for brunch. I adore brunch. Brunch is mostly breakfast on steroids.) Breakfast is wonderful no matter what time of day it shows up.

I like breakfast for dinner and dinner for breakfast. Cold pizza at 8am is fabulous. Chocolate is good for breakfast. Pancakes are good for dinner.

I don’t know who invented Better Breakfast Month but I like them. One of the great things about Better Breakfast Month is it doesn’t come with a definition of “Better.”

There are some people (and by “people” I mean websites) that say that “better” means “healthy.” IMO, there is nothing at all wrong with a healthy breakfast. But there’s also nothing wrong with a completely unhealthy breakfast every now and then.

Skipping breakfast is a terrible idea. Breakfast the most important meal of the day (all 12 months). It gets your body and brain going. In college, it’s important to bring your brain with you; it helps if your brain is awake when you take it to class.

Coffee is a good start to breakfast (and lunch, and dinner, and the 3pm coffee break), but it is an insufficient way to launch the day. Getting going requires real food. Like oatmeal. Or leftover pizza.

Even when you’re running late (which is pretty much the definition of most days in college, yes?).

What is your favorite running-to-class breakfast?

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Overheard randomly at work.

Coworker A: I thought about spontaneously buying a house this weekend
Coworker B: What?!
Coworker A: Yep.
Coworker B: When I want to spontaneously buy something, I get Tic Tacs, not a house!

Speaking of Tic Tacs, there are now Minion Tic Tacs. Please do NOT buy them for me, but I think it is hilarious that they exist. Guess what flavor? Banana! Shout out to friend Crystal who dropped everything to let me know about the commercial for them.

Speaking of Things Not to Buy for Me and Tic Tacs, did you know there are also pizza flavored Tic Tacs? I have no idea why, but there are. At least according to the images on Google. (I couldn’t find any reference to pizza flavors on the Tic Tac website.)

Turns out the Tic Tac people (who are not paying me to write this post, but probably should be) have a sense of humor. For example, their description of Wintermint Tic Tacs says that they checked with the corporate lawyers who are fine with people enjoying wintermint during all the seasons.

Happy Monday!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Today is the 600^th DearKidLoveMom blog. This has exactly no historical significance. There is no need to applaud unless you really want to. In which case, who am I to object?

Once I realized that it was the 600^th blog, I immediately turned to My Friend the Internet to see what interesting information I could find about the number 600. MFTI was—as usual—most helpful.

The Coca-Cola 600 is the longest NASCAR race (at 600 miles). The race takes place in May at the Charlotte Motor Speedway (just in case you were thinking about buying tickets).

600 “represents the Karma of the microcosmic individual.” I have no idea what that means. If anyone can explain it, I would be delighted to listen. Unless it’s a bunch of drivel in which case I will forgo the education.

Noah was 600 when the flood began. One would assume he aged significantly while afloat with all those animals. I’m guessing one measures time in dog years when one is aboard the ark.

The number 600 is pronic as it is the product of two consecutive numbers (in this case 24 and 25—aren’t you glad I figured it out for you?). Turns out there are a bunch of other classifications I’ve never heard of (like cake and pizza numbers.  I kid you not. I thought I understood the definitions of those, but when I looked at the examples, it turns out I don’t. I shall consult my fave mathematician and baker.).

The head of Goliath’s spear weighed 600 shekels of iron. This is about half what my purse usually weighs.

The number 600 is used 25 times in the Bible. I’m not sure which Bible or who counted, but MFTI says it’s true, so there you have it.

In the year 600 CE Pope Gregory the Great decreed “God bless You” as the religiously correct response to a sneeze. This is probably my favorite fact about the number 600. What’s yours?

Alfred, Lord Tennyson, immortalized the six hundred in The Charge of the Light Brigade.

The Charge of the Light Brigade

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
“Forward, the Light Brigade!
“Charge for the guns!” he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

and so on

According to Japanese lore, when the crane (or stork) turns 600, it ceases to eat and is satisfied with drinking.

600 basketballs were available to use during the London Olympics.

On average, you will take 600 million breaths during your life. I advise living long enough to far exceed this number.

The odds of being struck by lightning are about 600 thousand to one. Of course, if you get hit by lightning, you might not get to take all 600 million breaths, so listen to your mother and don’t play golf during a lightning storm.

There are 600 pain censors in each square inch of skin. Unless you get a papercut in which case there are 600 x 600 pain censors per millimeter of skin.

It takes (about) 600 cows to make enough footballs for a single NFL season. Cows typically do not volunteer for football making duty. I should really write a blog about footballs.

There are approximately 600 ingredients in cigarettes. None of them are good for you. If necessary, I can provide 600 reasons you shouldn’t smoke. Not for you, but you might know someone who can benefit.

And once I sign off, this blog will have 600 words. Just exactly 600.

Love, Mom