Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there was no such thing as pb&j. It was a sad state for the world, but was especially sad for a plankton named Bobo. Bobo thought he would really like to try peanut butter but he was eaten by a fish named Frederika before he could share his idea with anyone. Frederika cared not at all about sandwiches, peanut butter or otherwise, and the notion was lost for many a year.

Fast forward through the primordial sludge.

One day, Joe Neanderthal neglected to bring home dinner. Mrs. Neanderthal (a female not to be taken lightly) was Displeased seeing as how she’d spent the entire day cleaning the cave (and if you’ve ever tried to clean a dirt cave you know how tiring that can be).

Once she finished expressing her displeasure (which was fairly painful for Joe), Mrs. Neanderthal set about figuring out how to feed her brood. The cupboard was bare-ish (since Joe hadn’t brought home any bear), so Mrs. N reached through time, grabbed George Washington Carver for a quick consult, and proceeded to make lunch (I told you she wasn’t a female to trifle with).

However, Mrs. N was not one to share her culinary secrets and the world had to wait until peanut butter was invented by the Kellogg brothers in 1895.

Peanut butter and jelly was invented around the turn of the century and was the “it” sandwich until Elvis added bananas and subtracted jelly (thereby establishing his reputation as a singing mathematician).

Love, Mom

Dr. GWC didn’t invent peanut butter. He just invented a gazillion other uses for peanuts. Including taking them out the ballgame and the circus.

Dear Kid,

There are days when writing to you is the easiest thing in the world. I put down “Dear Kid” and before I know it there are 500 words, neatly lined up to make an interesting blog.

There are days when it is more difficult because there are so many words fighting to get out of my brain that it takes a while to get everyone organized. (Kind of like a fire alarm at 2am.)

Then there are days like today where there is nothing. Not a noun. Not an adjective. Not a cute description of the puppy (although he is always cute).

There is a song in the musical You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown in which the characters have to write a book report on Peter Rabbit that is at least 100 words long (song provided for your viewing pleasure). Several of them struggle and count each word very, very, very, very, very, very carefully. That’s kind of how I feel right now. (166 words!)

Even though I have nothing to report or comment on, I love you very, very, very, very, very much.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

December 12^th was Quite a day in history. And, being the kind of mother I am, I have decided to try to make some sense out of it for you. (I am such a good mom.)

In 1408 The Order of the Dragon was first created. This is important since the Dust Dragons are direct decedents of the Order and believe it is their dust-given right to overtake any place they want to overtake. Since I am a better blogger than a housekeeper, mostly I don’t argue. Mostly.

Fast forward to 1787 when Pennsylvania became 2nd state to ratify US Constitution, paving the way for We The People to become a country.

Speaking of We The People, on December 12, 1800, Washington DC was established as the capital of US so that many, many years later Auntie M could go to college there. Many years.

Then in 1914, many People tried to fly out of windows on Wall Street because of the largest one-day percentage drop in the history of Dow Jones Industrial Average, down 24.39%. Note: They did not master the art of flying before hitting the pavement.

Musically speaking, in 1792, Ludwig Von Beethoven received his 1st lesson in music composition from Franz Joseph Haydn. Ludwig was 22 at the time. You know why this is important, right? How could we have Peanuts and Snoopy without Schroeder playing Beethoven?

A lot of sports things happened on December 12^th (which is odd because I don’t usually think of December 12^th as a big sports day. But it was, so pay attention, because We, The People are big sports fans).

In 1899 George F Bryant of Boston patented the wooden golf tee, paving the way for using golf tees for all sorts of things, even golf.

In 1930, the Baseball Rules Committee greatly revised the rule book. Pretty much no one noticed. On the same day in 1949, the American League voted 7-1 rejecting legalizing the spitball. The lone dissenter spit on the decision.

In 1953, Chuck Yeager reached Mach 2.43. I don’t know if that really counts as sport, but it paved the way for the movie The Right Stuff which is a Most Excellent film.

Speaking of excellent movies, in 1965 Gale Sayers of Chicago Bears scored 6 TDs, tying the NFL record, paving the way (quite indirectly) for the movie Brian’s Song which is not only Most Excellent but is also one of the all-time Tear Jerkers.

In 1968 Arthur Ashe became the 1st black to be ranked #1 in tennis. Yep, he was that good.

And perhaps most importantly, in 1981 Wayne Gretzky scored the quickest 50th goal (game 39).

Here are a bunch of random bits of December 12^th history:

In 1901 Italian physicist and radio pioneer Guglielmo Marconi succeeded in sending the first radio transmission across the Atlantic Ocean, disproving detractors who told him that the curvature of the earth would limit transmission to 200 miles or less. This historic message was Morse code for the letter “s” rendering the whole event fairly obscure in history. Take a lesson from Alex Bell and be memorable if you’re going to do something historic.

On December 12, 1913 Hebrew was officially introduced as the language for teaching in Palestinian schools. Tov!

In 1925, Mr. Arthur Heinman coined term “motel” and opened the Motel Inn in San Luis Obispo, CA. I think it’s pretty cool to be known almost a century later for having invented a word and a concept. I hope to be known as the mother of the child who invented the word “oversplode” (among other things).

And for a Cincinnati fact, on December 12, 1946 Tide detergent was introduced. Happy Birthday, Tide!

I The Mom hope your day is equally eventful,

Love, Mom