Dear Kid,

Last night (as I believe I’ve mentioned) was Homecoming. You know it’s homecoming because there are crowds and crowns involved. Also many people came “home.” But it’s odd to call it home when it’s a football game, and these people never really thought of High School as “home,” and the games are played at the Junior High.

It rained last night. I’d like to say it poured, it monsooned, it hurricaned. But it didn’t. It just rained. Steadily and insistently. Through the entire pre-game, game, and presumably the post-game (we did not stay for post-game). And it was chilly. Poor Tal was frozen down to her tippy-toes never having experienced the joy of a rainy football game before. Not sure how she’ll handle February.

The Homecoming Court seemed un-fazed by the rain. By “unfazed” I mean they didn’t seem unhappy. But most of them dressed for the weather rather than for the fashion generally associated with homecoming court. And the King’s crown came complete with a clear plastic bag covering it.

The football team dressed as a football team. The defense played extremely well except for letting in a more touchdowns than seemed absolutely necessary.

The offense had flashes of brilliance punctuated by long stretches of siestas and mistakes. Including a missed PAT kicked by someone who isn’t your sister.

We lost.

Sorry I didn’t send commentary on the game last night, but due to the aforementioned sogginess my phone decided to stay home. That is also the reason there isn’t a photo of the homecoming court. Or at least that’s the reason I’m using at the moment.

The JV game is today at 1pm which is a Most Inconsiderate time for a game on a day when Some People have to get fluffed and buffed for the Homecoming Dance. Fortunately, the rain has stopped (Puppy still had to have his feet wiped after his morning walk sniff but that’s a story for another day.

Enjoy your homecoming today.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Important Forces Are Afoot.

And by “afoot” I actually mean “afoot.”

The NFL (deciding that the Superbowl wasn’t a sufficient topic for the next two weeks) has decided to consider eliminating the PAT (point after touchdown).

Their reasoning (as I understand it) is that PATs are dull, dull, dull in that virtually all of them get made. And by “virtually all” I mean that 99.1% of PAT attempts have made it through the uprights since 2004.

As you might imagine, sports commentators are in love with the idea of commenting on the idea.

Based on my extensive research, no one except some kickers believes the game should stay exactly as is. There seems to be general consensus that PATs are dull, dull, dull. There seems to be absolutely no consensus as to what should be done about it.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has been talking about a proposal that would give teams 7 points for a touchdown, with an option to get 8 if you run or pass the ball into the endzone; if you fail to convert, you lose a point and go back to 6 points.

Another option I heard talked about is making PATs more difficult. Like moving the ball back to the 35. Or dropping spiders on the kicker just as the ball is snapped.

The NFL (and the commentators—one must not forget the commentators Oh Best Beloved) now have lots to discuss, comment on, invent, and deal in idle speculation about for most of the off-season. For reasons I don’t entirely understand, no one has yet asked my opinion. Pure oversight, I’m sure.

Note: For a rule change to take effect, at least 24 of the 32 teams must approve the changes.

Your thoughts?

Love, Mom

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Dear Kid,

Yesterday, we packed 3½ weeks’ worth of provisions, donned expedition gear, and crossed the border into Kentucky for the football game. We did not encounter any significantly vicious wildlife (other than a few mosquitoes), but we did fight the brutal Rush Hour Traffic Beast (we eventually won, but the RHTB captured a decade or two we’ll never see again). There was a truck accident on the highway and what should have been about a 50 minute drive to Union, KY became a 2 hour excursion in which we got to see the sites of far too many Small Towns in Kentucky. I think we passed through Rabbit Hash, but the mayor wasn’t around so it wasn’t as eventful as it might have been.

Meet the Mayor of Rabbit Hash, Ky
Lucy Lou is a red & white border collie who has lived her whole life in Rabbit Hash. She is in town every day and has appointed herself the town tour guide, meeting visitors and making sure they see all the sights. She won the mayoral election on the non-partisan canine ticket and supports feline and canine presence in the General Store.

We passed other notable sites including Big Bone Lick, Gun Powder Plaza (named after Gun Powder Creek), Turkeyfoot Road, and more than one McDonald’s.

There are (some) blue people in Kentucky. We didn’t see or meet any, but it’s an interesting story. The Fugates were an extended family living in an isolated hollow in Eastern Kentucky. Most members of the family had “hereditary methemoglobinemia,” an enzyme deficiency that causes a person’s blood to run vein blue as opposed to arterial red. Instead of being pink, these people are tinted blue or purple. The condition is based on a recessive gene which clan founder Martin Fugate and his wife both carried. They settled in Troublesome Creek (seriously—was the name not a sufficient clue that living somewhere else might be a better idea?) sometime in the mid-19th Century. Cousins marrying cousins was commonplace among isolated Appalachians, so by the time a doctor discovered the Fugates in the 1960s, there were several blue people living in the hills.

The football game was a smashing success if you measure such things by the scoreboard and percentage of PATs made. Since that’s my primary method of evaluating games, it was a smashing success: our heroes won 28-0 with Pi scoring 4 for 4 PATs. (Films today are unlikely to fall into the category A Fun Time For All. There were a lot of mistakes and a LOT of penalties. One suspects the coaches might have a Word or Two to share with the team.)

In other news, I will be working the concession stand for the JV game in a  little while. Then later Booker has his annual physical which he is very excited about. Well, he would be excited if he knew what I was talking about. He loves the unlimited supply of treats there, although he’s not a big fan of the poking and prodding and shot giving. Poor pooch.

Best of luck with the 5K row–we’ll be eager to hear about it.

Love, Mom

P.S.

I bow humbly to your proofreading skills….

Dear Kid,

First time under the lights as a Varsity player and Pi went 5 for 6 (nerves got to her on the first PAT) helping Sycamore to a 41 to 7 victory over Walnut Hills. At one point she went out for a PAT and the student section started chanting her name. That was cool. But not nearly as fun as her coming into the house and dancing around chanting “I started in a Varsity game.”

There was an incident (the school’s terminology) at the game when a railing gave way in the student section. Several kids were injured but my understanding is that none of the injuries were serious. It was very weird to see the entire student section sitting down. After a while they moved most of the students to different areas of the stadium.

As usual, Dad wandered rather than sitting with me during the game (although he spent the entire pregame with me, so that was nice). I ended up sitting with a family that recently moved here from the Netherlands. They had never seen a football game (American football). We had a really nice time together.

The team has their pre-game (and I assume all other) meetings in the team room as the locker room is problematic when there is more than one gender on the team. It’s a small-ish room and Pi was telling us how cool it was when the players all bellow “huuh” and the sound echos around the room.

Only when she said tried to grunt the “huuh” it sounded like a dying duck. Dad tried to teach her how to grunt like a boy properly.

“Huuh!”

“huuuhhhh?”

“Huuh!”

“Uuuuhhhhhhhoooooooooeeee”

“Like you mean it”

“Grrrr”

“Not grrrr. HUUUH!”

“Grruuuuhhhh…”

“No teeth. Just Huuh!”

Pi rolls her lips over her teeth like she has just taken out dentures. “ehhhhhhehhehehee hee hee hee.”

By now we are all laughing. Except Booker who was getting concerned that Something Wasn’t Right.

“Try bringing your arms down like you’re doing the chicken dance. Huuh!”

Flap, flap, flap. “Aaaaaooooooohhhh.”

“No, just once. Huuh.”

“Haaaaaaoooooh.” Then she fell off her chair because she was laughing so hard.

The girl can kick. But she can’t grunt. Yet.

Love, Mom