Dear Kid,

I had the great joy of eavesdropping on a conversation today. It was in a public place and while there were open tables for miles around the conversatees chose to sit directly behind me. So I felt totally justified in listening.

One person was a teenage boy, probably a junior in high school. The other was a retired school teacher who I see frequently at the gym. She now tutors students especially for improvement in their SAT and ACT scores. She’s a strict sort, not one to put up with nonsense, excuses, or mumbling. Probably one of those teachers who made her students do a ton of work and they loved her for it.

What struck me was how different people in our lives can speak to us in the same way but with totally different results. (This is not news, but it is worth repeating.)

Teacher: Did you read the parts I told you to?
Student: Yes, but I had a little trouble with one
Teacher: Let’s look at it. (They talk.) How do you know x?
Student mumbles
Teacher: No, don’t tell me, show me. Where did you find that in this passage? Here? No. You have to look further.

An alternate scenario:

Mom: Darling, you mentioned you didn’t understand x. Do you need help with your homework?
Kid (rolls eyes): I can do my homework, Mother. Leave me alone.
Mom: Well, I’m here if you want to review anything
Kid: I SAID I’m FINE and I DON’T NEED HELP!! (storms off to text 4,000 people about the injustices in the world)

Thank heavens parents aren’t the only people in the world who care.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

You have a brand new cousin! (Technically, a second cousin, but I think we’ll stick with “cousin”.)

Because brand new babies need advice, I went back into the archives and found a letter you wrote many years ago in anticipation of this day.

Dear Baby Cousin,

Welcome to the World!

There is so much to learn—fortunately, you have years and years to learn it all. But I’m sending you this letter to help you with the basics and to teach you some of my favorite baby games.

• Be happy. Refuse to nap. Continue to be happy. Continue to refuse to nap. Keep mom from napping too.
• Be unhappy. Refuse to nap. Let the world know you are unhappy. When the world doesn’t cater to you, turn up the volume.
• Coo happily. Wait until Mom is ready to leave the house. Barf. In her hair.
• Explain that you are hungry. Refuse to eat.
• Be completely unreasonable. Wait until Grandma and Grandpa arrive. Behave like an angel.
• When Mommy holds you, grab her hair. Don’t let go. Amaze everyone with your strength. If you’re feeling very advanced, wrap your fingers in her hair and get very, very stuck. Laugh until you figure out it’s not funny, then howl.

Love, Your Cousin The Kid

Do you remember all those games? I can’t wait to share them with your children.

Love, Mom