Posts Tagged "new olympic events"

Are You Aware This Event Is Missing from Olympic Swimming?!

Dear Kid,

Speaking of Olympic sports (I’m sure I was at some point), I’ve been watching some of the swimming trials.

And it occurs to me that there is an event missing.

Not the women’s 1500, although that’s clearly missing and anyone who thinks women can’t handle endurance events is clearly off his rocker. (Not saying I could do it, but there are women who can. And they should be allowed to do it in the Olympics.)

Nor am I talking about the obvious misses like the 100 meter doggy paddle (with real dogs) or jellyfish relay (in which swimmers must dodge Portuguese Man O War jellyfish during their event).

I can't understand why the Olympic Committee hasn't added the 100 meter doggy paddle (with real dogs)

The Olympics should add jellyfish relay (in which swimmers must dodge Portuguese Man O War jelly fish during their event).

No. I am (of course) referring to synchronized swimming.

Now before you get all futzed at me, I know there is an event called “synchronized swimming.” And I know it is crazy difficult and highly competitive and it’s beautiful to watch even if Esther Williams isn’t participating. But – let’s be honest here – it’s water ballet, not swimming.

I’m not downgrading the sport we currently call synchronized swimming. I just think we should rename it and add an event called sychro-swim.

Each delegation will enter two swimmers who must—simultaneously and in unison—complete two laps of the pool. Entering and existing the water will be included in the judging.

Synchro-swim will be scored using a very technical and difficult algorithm (the better to give commentators something to comment on and delegations something to protest, thereby ensuring that we capture the true Olympic spirit). The event will be scored 50% on speed and 50% on synchronicity and 10% on how good breakfast was. Subjective scoring will be done using a binomial theorem and a base 9 metric incorporating the median variation and hippopotamus.

No idea what that means either, but the commentators will have a field day.

I can’t believe the Olympic committee hasn’t yet called me to consult on this.

Crazy how people can miss the obvious.

Love, Mom

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The Olympics Are Coming, The Olympics Are Coming! (Ready or Not)

Dear Kid,

Actually, the Olympics are here since several events started before tonight’s Opening Ceremonies. And by “opening ceremonies” I mean the opening ceremonies of the games since there aren’t going to be opening ceremonies for the nearby hotels. Mostly because the majority of the new hotels didn’t get finished on time. #OlympicFail

The Olympics Sochi 2014 DearKidLoveMom.comTo no one’s surprise (except mine—I apparently wasn’t paying attention), it is warmish in Sochi this time of year. Certainly warmer than Cincinnati. This is because Sochi is in the warm part of Russia where they stay warm by sharing toilet space. Weird.

To guard against an early spring (we miss you spring!), Sochi has saved up tons of snow (I kid you not) and kept it nice and cozy under specially made thermal blankets.

The opening ceremonies (featuring the US’s colorful, patriotic, original costumes) will take place at 11am eastern. Since that is not considered to be prime TV time, NBC is delaying the broadcast until 7:30pm which will give me time to go to the gym before deciding whether or not to watch. Nordic combined skier Todd Lodwick will be leading the US delegation. Billie Jean King will not be there because her mother is ill, which is sad on many levels.

Fisht Olympic Stadium, which cost $780 million to build (and in my opinion should be pronounced without vowels), is the venue for the opening ceremonies. With a price tag like that you should be sure to ooh and ahh.

There has been controversy around a new sport, slopestyle snowboarding. The course is quite dangerous (Norwegian medal contender Torstein Horgmo broke a collarbone and withdrew from the games). Officials have made some changes to the course, but not enough for Shawn White who has graciously bowed out of slopestyle to concentrate on the half pipe.

I think there will be controversy around the team figure skating; probably because I am considering starting the controversy. But I have brilliantly decided to wait and see how it goes before committing to objecting to it.

There are 12 new events for this Olympics. Women’s ski jumping debuts (can you say “It’s about time?”). There are also several mixed events including Biathlon mixed relay, figure skating team event, and luge relay. Both men and women will ski the halfpipe (which I think will be cool), ski slopestyle and snowboard slopestyle (which will only be cool if they are safe), and snowboard parallel slalom. Clearly the Olympics ran away and had an affair with the X Games.

Even though NBC is delighting themselves by promising to broadcast Every Moment of Every Event (some of the broadcasting will be on pay-per-Olympics channels), you are not required to watch Every Moment of Every Event. The news media and I are here to keep you posted on the Stuff You Really Need to Know. I’m just That Kind of Mom.


That Kind of Mom






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