Posts Tagged "make your bed"

What Happens When You Absolutely, Positively Have to Sleep

Dear Kid,

Sorry I didn’t answer the phone when you called earlier this morning.

Wait. You didn’t call? Must have been an oversight. According to the Rule Book, it’s a good idea to call your parents every now and then to make sure they remember who you are and how to send you money.

As I was saying, sorry I wasn’t available when you called. I was asleep. You probably knew I was sleeping and were being considerate in not calling.


You might remember that I haven’t been doing a lot of that recently. Sleep, I mean.

And I’d finally gotten to the point where not sleeping was no longer an option.

When you're so tired you fall asleep wherever you just happen to be... DearKidLoveMom.comBad things happen when one doesn’t get enough sleep. Like being tired. And cranky. And unable to form coherent sentences.

I haven’t been that tired in a long, long time. Tired to the point where making an ordinary decision is harder than climbing Everest. Where even caring about making an ordinary decision is harder than thinking about climbing Everest.

This is why I have such respect for single parents. I have Dad to make sure when I get that tired there is still a responsible adult around. I truly don’t know how single parents manage, but I’m crazy impressed that they do.

We had not gotten to the point where there was a probability of Really Bad Parenting (you and Pi are Old Enough not to play in the street), but we had gotten to the point where I didn’t care about basic decisions.

“Want to breathe oxygen?” “Too tired to care.”

So I not only went to bed at a Reasonable Hour, I slept far past the Normal Wakeup Time.

And I didn’t make my bed.

All of which put me in a Much Better Mood.

Even though I didn’t get to talk to you when called.

Love, Mom

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The Universe Handed Me a Gift (You Didn’t See This One Coming, Did You?)

Dear Kid,

Every now and then the Universe pops up and hands me a little present. I am always careful to say “Thank you” most politely because that’s what one does when the Universe goes out of its way to be kind.

A few years ago, the gift was when doctors decided that wine has important health benefits and therefore a cup full of vino is the medicine going down. Yippee and Thank You.

Then the medical profession decided that coffee has heart benefits. This has nothing to do with actual benefits (I’m sure it’s just great marketing from the coffee cartel) but what do I care whether it’s real or not? The docs say “Drink coffee,” I say make it a strong one. And Thank You.

The best part is that I never intended to change my behavior (Coffee’s not good for me? Unfortunate. I’ll still drink the same amount.). But having the Universe’s blessing for my behavior makes me feel loved and special and much less guilty.

Now, once again, the Universe has handed out a completely unexpected present. This one may be the silliest one ever, but since it is a Proven Scientific and Medical Fact, who am I to argue?

The Universe has declared that it is unhealthy to make your bed every morning.

Didn’t see that one coming, did you?

I promise. It doesn't make a bit of difference to me if you make the bed or not. I'm comfy.

This, of course, proves that I am The Most Knowing of All Mothers You’ve Ever Had because I only insisted you actually make your bed about twice a year (on the same days I made my bed—namely, when Grandma was visiting). I am so far ahead of my time, it’s crazy.

You do not need to point out that “ahead of my time” and “lazy” in this case refer to the same thing.

I don’t particularly care for bed-making. I find it is a great way to break my nails and all I do is mess it up a pretty bed all over again. It’s a thankless job (in my opinion) so I skip it on a regular basis (and by “regular basis” I mean “daily”). It’s perfectly fine with me if someone else makes the bed; in fact, I like climbing in to a freshly made bed. I just don’t like it enough to do the actual bed-making in the first place.

There are people who do like making the bed (or who think they do since the habit is so ingrained). To them I say “Have at it” just don’t ask me to do the same thing. And now the Universe says we have a Good Excuse not to make the bed.

The reason making your bed is unhealthy is dust mites. Dust mites are the invisible creatures who live in our linens and chow down on the billions of skin cells we shed. The dust mites poop invisible mite poop and we sneeze. Not good for the allergy-affiliated among us. (In a scientifically significant oversight, it turns out that dust mites and dust dragons are not related.)

It turns out that dust mites prefer nice moist skin cells. The kind that get tucked in every morning when someone makes the bed. They are much less excited about eating dried up skin cells (the kind that dry out every day when you don’t make the bed).

So now you have a scientific reason for not making the bed. And sneezing is once again entirely up to you.

Love, Mom

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