Dear Kid,

Today is a day full of sunshine and holidays. Hopefully, you have sunshine outside, but you should definitely turn on your inner sunshine.

Today is International Moment of Laughter Day. Funny, huh? So take a moment and giggle. Here, I’ll help.

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?

It gets toad away. Hee hee.

It’s also Look Up At The Sky Day. I don’t know why. I’m pretty sure the sky is going to stay there. Odin, Zeus, and all the other characters need a place to keep their homes. But maybe you’ll see a bird, or a plane, or even Superman if you get lucky.

But wait, there’s more! It’s Reach As High As You Can Day. Since you’re looking at the sky, you might as well reach for it. It’s not clear to me if Reach As High As You Can Day is a stretching celebration (“Reach up to sky, reach down to the ground. Shake your body all around.” Do you remember that song from when you were little?) or if it’s aspirational in nature. Not sure it matters, because both are good.

And finally, it may or may not be Pecan Day. There is a Pecan Day in March (not today) and a Pecan Day in April (today). I leave it to you to decide which to celebrate. Or be a little nutty and celebrate both.

Love, Mom

And a little more humor…

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

Dear Kid,

If you are reading this it means there is no real blog today. My brain is mush (even more so than usual) and my ability to focus on DKLM is — what’s the word? — nonexistent.

Did you hear that there’s a new disorder called ADOS? Attention Deficit, OH Shiny!

This is all from MFTI (My Friend the Internet). Apologies in advance. You’ve been warned.

Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?”
Brunette: “I don’t know.”
Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”

What kind of bagel can fly? (I can’t even believe I’m sharing this.) A plain bagel.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200. (Math Joke!)

You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.

I’ll go drink my coffee now…

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

In honor of the fact that finals are soon to be upon us (and by “us” I mean you), I thought I’d lighten the mood a bit by providing topical humor. Specifically, Chemistry Jokes.

Did you hear that Oxygen and Magnesium are going out? OMG they’re a couple.

I didn’t say they were brilliant, just that they are chemistry jokes. Because chemistry jokes are sodium funny. (I didn’t make that up, but I kinda wish I had.)

Oxygen went on a date with potassium. It went OK.

No reaction to chemistry jokes so far? I’ll keep trying.

Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates.

What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can’t helium, and you can’t curium, then you might as well barium.

Is funny, is funny.

Helium walks into a bar, and the bar tender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.” Helium doesn’t react.

Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe

Come on. How many moms do you know that look up chemistry jokes for her Kid? Especially when she only understands about half of them.

A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.” The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”

Is silicon the same in Spanish? Si.

Q: If H₂O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H₂O cubed.

You should feel free to smile rather than rolling your eyes at me. I know you are, even if i can’t see you.

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.

That one I like a lot. I might even try to remember it…

(Fe)male: Male with iron added for greater strength, ductility, and magnetism.

What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
He was booked for a salt and battery.

Little Timmy took a drink, but he will drink no more. For what he thought was H₂O was H₂SO₄.

(It’s funnier once you look up H₂SO₄ and discover it’s sulfuric acid.)

Hope today is full of giggles. But don’t overreact if it isn’t.

Happy Studying.

Love, Mom