Posts Tagged "Joe Neanderthal"

The Entirely Accurate History of SCUBA

Dear Kid,

Once Upon a Time, there was no such thing as SCUBA diving.

It turns out that Joe Neanderthal’s friend Blorg once suggested they go diving. Since it was approximately four billion degrees below zero and Blorg was not considered especially bright, Joe suggested he do something anatomically difficult with the diving suggestion.

The first person to “breath” while underwater was Robin Hood (the fox) as documented in the Disney version of Robin Hood. (Go re-watch the movie if you don’t believe me.) He uses a reed as a breathing tube. Back in 500 BCE, a Greek soldier supposedly did the same thing (go ask PADI if you don’t believe me) but Robin Hood is cuter so in this blog credit goes to him.

Alexander the Great (best books about him are the ones written by Mary Renault, but if you haven’t read The King Must Die, you should start there) reportedly hid underwater during the siege of Tyre (I’ll look that one up another day) by using a barrel as a diving bell.

Do not confuse Alexander the Great’s Diving Bell with Alexander Bell’s non-diving telephone.

Getting ready to dive. DearKidLoveMom.comFast forward, fast forward, lots of breathing devices (and “rebreathing devices”) were invented. Most were better left alone as they tended not to work.

Family before the dive DearKidLoveMom.comThen ta-da! Jacques Cousteau and Emilie Gagnan created the modern demand regulator and an improved diving suit. And modern day diving was born.

Love, Mom

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The Big Thank You | Part I

Dear Kid,

“WOW! This is Fan-TAS-tic! Thank you SO MUCH!!!”

The words gush out as we open presents and they are lovely to hear. Well, they are lovely to hear if the gift giver is in the room. Actually, they are lovely to hear even if the gift giver isn’t in the room, but the gift giver can’t hear the thank you if not present (pun intended).

I really hope you followed that.

Enter: The Thank You Note.

The first Thank You Note was written by Joe Neanderthal. He wrote it to a Saber Tooth Tiger who had generously eaten Joe’s friend Blorg rather than Joe. It looked something like this:

x marks the spot.

Interestingly, that particular Saber Tooth Tiger never ate Joe. Joe assumed that this was because of the Thank You Note (in reality, it was because Blorg caused the Saber Tooth Tiger to have a very upset stomach from which he died).

From then on, Joe insisted that everyone write thank you notes. Mrs. Joe Neanderthal was so surprised she forgot to be annoyed.

Love, Mom


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