How Much Will You Earn After College?Dear Kid,

Just because I don’t have enough to occupy the two cells I call a brain, NPR decided to run an article (I assume they did a piece on the radio but I haven’t heard it yet) about how much college graduates will earn. Turns out, according to the researcher at Georgetown University who conducted the study, one’s major is a much more important factor than where one obtained that major in determining how much one will get paid.

This is terrible news for Ivy Leaguers but great news for Petroleum Engineers at the University of Do-We-Really-Have-To-Go-To-Class?

Petroleum Engineers are at the top of the dude’s pay scale.

You should know that the article says absolutely nothing about the misery level of the Petroleum Engineers, whether they get free gasoline (which would have a HUGE impact on their Total Income Package), or what a Petroleum Engineer actually does.

He also doesn’t address the question of what happens to the Petroleum Engineer when the Volt and Prius take over the roads, solar power takes over everything else, and we no longer need petroleum or anyone to engineer it.

Counseling Psychology is at the bottom of the earning scale, but I’m pretty sure there is good job security there as we are going to have crazy people for a while. Especially if they have to remember to plug in their cars.

By my calculations, factoring in the part of the graph that’s missing and the names of the people they interviewed, accounting for the fact that the research is from Our Nation’s Capital, adjusting for the contingency of a Martian Invasion, including the probability that you will be a Professional Broomball Player, and correcting for the Mom Factor, I can safely say you are likely to get paid when you land a job.

I cannot understand why NASA isn’t begging me to help them solve their problems. Or why it takes some researchers so long to Reach Conclusions and Draw an Accompanying Graph.

NOTE: You are not allowed to apply this type of Research Methodology (i.e., Making It Up) until you have graduated and landed the aforementioned paying job.

e.g. means for example (from the Latin exempli gratia)
i.e. means in other words or that is (from the Latin id est)
n.o. means no (from the Latin not on your life)

The one thing the researcher and I definitely agree on is that graduation is a key requirement (him for including the data in the research, me because I’m your mom and I said so).

Love, Mom