Dear Kid,

You are not going to believe this.

In my search for Truth and Knowledge about The 7 Kinds of Soup Bowls, I discovered that there are 7 Kinds of Cups (not counting the boy-playing-sports kind which I plan to ignore today). There is also the Four Cups of wine theory but not talking about that today either.

Because I am That Kind of Mom, I simply couldn’t leave you not knowing about the 7 Kinds of Cups. So without further ado (oh, who am I kidding? With me, there is generally more “ado” than not), I present to you the Seven Cups.

Let’s start with the most interesting, the Chocolate Cup.

It will probably distress you to know that (in this case) the chocolate cup is not made of chocolate, taking what could have been a Very Interesting Discussion all the way down the Ladder of Interesting and stashing it behind a dusty chair.

Once upon a time there was breakfast which is just about the best thing ever especially when paired with Once Upon a Time. Hot chocolate was made (for breakfast) using unsweetened chocolate mixed with cream into which sugar and hot frothy milk were poured. Because it was quite delicious, cups were big (although they weren’t made out of chocolate). But if you were going to have chocolate at afternoon tea (which is counter intuitive but whatev), then you would drink it from a small cup that would leave you wanting more which you couldn’t ask for because that would be tacky. See how much better chocolate cups made from actual chocolate would have been? Then instead of following strict social standards around tea time behavior we could be discussing how to get chocolate stains out of frocks a la SueAnn Nivens (extra points all around even if you don’t get the reference).

Bottom line. There is such a thing as a chocolate cup (and saucer). We don’t have any in our house. Just grab a mug. Everyone will be happier.

The breakfast cup (and saucer) was invented because drinking coffee out of a thimble is somewhat frustrating. The breakfast cup (and saucer) is small than a mug, so as far as I’m concerned mugs are the way to go at breakfast.

Then there is the coffee cup (and saucer) which is good sized but not as big as a mug or breakfast cup and is used for serving coffee at times other than breakfast and after dinner. We have coffee cups (and saucers) in our house but they have never been used. Just grab a mug.

The after dinner cup (and saucer) is smaller than a coffee cup but bigger than a demitasse cup. It was invented to allow etiquette experts to feel superior since no one else can figure out when to use them. If you were to guess that we don’t have any in our house, you’d be correct.

After a formal dinner, one should serve a low-caf or decaf coffee in a demitasse cup (and saucer). Demitasse is French for “so poor we couldn’t afford a real serving.”

The formal teacup (and saucer) is slightly shorter and wider than the formal coffee cup (and saucer). According to Official Etiquette, tea is too delicate to serve at a formal dinner and is only served at formal luncheons upon request. Clearly, I come from much less delicate stock because as far as I’m concerned (and I’m pretty sure a fair number of people will agree with me), tea can be served at any time. In a mug.

Mugs range in size from “good sized” to slightly smaller than a horse trough. Mugs are used only for informal dining—except in our house where we feel strongly about serving size.

Those are the seven kinds of cups. All the other kinds of cups you see apparently just don’t exist.

Now you know.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

We are having a catastrophe. Of catastrophic proportions. Worse, far worse, than anything that has hit the globe in your lifetime.

We are headed for a chocolate crisis. More specifically, we are headed for a lack of chocolate crisis. Of epic proportions.

Apparently, we’re already in a chocolate deficit. Which means we ate 70,000 metric tons more chocolate than the world produced last year. I am reasonably sure that I (personally) contributed to the crisis. And apparently chocolate makers have watched me in their crystal ball because they are predicting a 20 million metric ton deficit by 2030.

Mathematically speaking, I’m confused. We’re in a honking long streak of chocolate deficit years, so at some point one would think we’d a) run out of reserves and b) get tired of stale chocolate. It’s not like the Central Bank where they just make money out of thin air and paper. You actually have to have chocolate to eat chocolate.

One reason for the deficit is the frosty pod fungus (clearly a made up disease named by fantasy genre writers). Another is that growing cocoa is hard and insufficiently profitable compared to other crops like corn. And the biggest “problem” is that we’re eating more chocolate. (As Grandma points out, chocolate is a vegetable, so it’s good for you.)

As you doubtless know, falling supply plus increase demand means chocolate prices are going to skyrocket (they’re already up considerably).

Being the kind of mom I am, I have taken the liberty of coming up with some solutions to this impending disaster.

1. Stop Eating Chocolate. Yeah, right. Next!

2. Get Everyone Else to Stop Eating Chocolate. Only slightly more likely.

3. Remortgage the House to provide funding for my chocolate habit.

Love ya’ kid, but I’ve got to run to the bank now.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

As I believe I may have mentioned, it is cold. And going to get even colder. (O, Joy.)

Note: Yes, it’s the same image as yesterday, but due to a technical yark! not everyone got to see it.

While there are people who love the winter and the cold, I am not one of them. I like one good snow accumulation a year, where you can go outside and appreciate the amazing job Mama Nature has done decorating the trees and come inside and be warm. I do not like sub-zero temperatures and howling winds—especially when I have to Go Places and show up looking more or less presentable.

As I have also mentioned, I am in charge of my own happiness. And while I completely believe in the value of a good kvetch now and then, there are some things (like the weather) I just don’t have any ability to control. Since I can’t control the speed or viciousness of the howling winds, I decided to make a list of The  to try to keep some balance in my perspective.

1. Next summer, when it is 95 degrees and 300% humidity, we can look back on this with fondness regret happiness…ok, we can just look back.
2. No one can complain that “it just isn’t winter without snow.”
3. It’s easy to justify hot chocolate, marshmallows, and brandy (for medicinal purposes only).
4. A roaring fire seems sort of silly when it’s shorts and T-shirt weather.
5. You don’t have to mow the snow.
6. You have a good excuse for hat hair.
7. Snowmen. You just can’t build them in the summer.
8. The winter Olympics.
9. Sweaters, scarves, layers, boots, and my entire winter wardrobe.
10. It’s never too hot to sleep.
11. Snow days.
12. Snuggling.

Stay warm, sweetie.

Love, Mom