Dear Kid,

You are not going to believe what today is.

Happy If Your Pet Had Thumbs Day! (Seriously.)

I took a highly scientific poll to find out what people thought their pets would do if they had thumbs.

The top responses I made up were

• Huh?
• I don’t know, maybe suck his thumb?
• Where would a snake put a thumb?
• Text, no question.
• Serve herself more food. All day long.
• Where do you come up with these things?

I asked the Puppy what he would do if he had thumbs. He stared at me for a minute, wagged his happy tail, and licked my feet. I thought he showed great restraint in not answering the question.

Happy If Your Pet Had Thumbs Day. (Feel free to enjoy your own thumbs today too.)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Every four years, something extraordinary happens. Something that makes us stop and take notice.

I speak, of course, of the Olympics.

Just kidding.

I’m talking about Leap Year.

Frankly, I think Leap Day ought to be treated like the extra day it is. It should be a day we can use any way we want. A free day.

It’s not. But it should be.

Because I’m that kind of mom, I turned to My Friend the Internet and collected some interesting fact about Leap Years (and it wasn’t easy because there aren’t that many interesting facts to find).

Even decades have three Leap Years and odd decades have two Leap Years.

During non-Leap Years, January 1^st and December 31^st  fall on the same day of the week; during Leap Years, they don’t. (Go ahead. Check. I’ll wait.)

On February 29, 1692, Sarah Good, Sarah Osborne, and Tituba (an Indian servant) were the first people to be accused of witchcraft in Salem, MA.

On February 29, 1908, Dutch scientists produced solid helium. BTW, did I tell you my brilliant new idea? I think we should figure out how make bubble wrap with the bubbles filled with helium. That way, packages will be lighter. Cool, huh?

On February 29, 1940, Hattie McDaniel became the first African-American woman to win an Oscar.

In 1964, Frank Rugani set the badminton shuttlecock distance record of 24.3m. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know why anyone cares. But it happened on Leap Day, so there you go.

On February 29, 1980, Gordie Howe became the first NHL player to score 800 career goals. And in 1988, Mark Greatbatch scored 107 v England on Test Cricket debut. That might be interesting if anyone had a clue what it means. But no one (including the players) understands Cricket, so I doubt anyone reading this will be able to explain it.

Happy Leap Day, Kiddo!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mom!
Me: Yes, baby?
Puppy: I don’t think you’re paying attention.
Me: Just so I’m clear, paying attention to who?
Puppy: Not a who, a what.
Me: And what is it I’m not paying attention to?
Puppy: The calendar.
Me: Why does the calendar need paying attention to? It’s usually you who needs attention.
Puppy: I’m a who, not a what.
Me: Absolutely. But let’s go back. What about the calendar?
Puppy: Don’t you know what today is?
Me: Monday?
Puppy: Pay. Attention!
Me: I thought I was. What are you talking about?
Puppy: It is Walking the Dog Day!
Me: You get walked every day.
Puppy: Yes, but there is a Day for it!
Me: Uh-huh.
Puppy: But that’s not all.
Me: It’s not? Silly me. What else?
Puppy: Tomorrow.
Me: Tuesday.
Puppy: Pay attention! Tomorrow is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day!
Me: You appreciate all food all the time.
Puppy: Yes, but there’s a Day for it.
Me: So you said.
Puppy: So….
Me: So?
Puppy: So we should practice.
Me: You lost me there. Practice what?
Puppy: Walking and eating treats!
Me: Ah.
Puppy: Do I have to explain everything?
Me: Apparently. Would you like to go for a walk?
Puppy: I thought you’d never ask. Will there be a treat at the end?
Me: Don’t push your luck, kiddo.
Puppy: I’m so excited!

Love, Mom

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Dear Kid,

Yesterday, Punxsutawney Phil was ceremoniously yanked out of a sound slumber to prognosticate the timing of spring.

Without coffee.

Seriously? How can anyone be expected to think things through without caffeine?

This year, the morning fogginess seems to have worked in our favor because P. Phil didn’t see his shadow. By definition, this means that spring will come early.

To be honest, I knew that before The Groundhog made his announcement because some of the iris (irises? irisi?) are poking their leaves up already. And they don’t aren’t supposed to do that until spring.

For the part of the eye, the usual medical plural is irides. For the flower both iris and irises are in common use.

So even though the first day of spring is officially not until March 20, the unofficial first day is now because WARM!

Happy (almost) spring!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s that time of year. And by “that time of year” I mean winter break.

Winter break is all good. You’re here (which makes me very happy), you’re done with finals (which makes you happy), and you don’t have a full agenda (which means you’re available).

As I said, all good.

It’s also the time of year to remember that while you are cozy warm and well fed, not everyone is as fortunate.

As a poor college student, you don’t have the luxury of lots of disposable income to donate to charity. You don’t usually have the luxury of excessive amounts of time to work with those who need help.

But there is something you can do.

As you go through all the things in your room (because I know you are going to spend some time going through and organizing the clutter chaos things in your room), look for at least one gently used item that you never wear (and can’t imagine ever wearing again). We all have at least one warm item that we’re not going to wear again and that someone else can use.

Let’s donate that cold weather item to an organization that can give it to someone who really needs it.

Yes, I know the weather is ridiculously warm right now. Craziness. But I also know that even now it gets chilly at night. And over the next few months it will get downright cold.

So see what you have that someone might need more than you do. And donate it.

You’ll be amazed at how warm it will make you feel.

Love, Mom