Posts Tagged "hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy"

Shrimp (Part II), Douglas Adams, and Global Warming

Dear Kid,

Several days ago, I wrote about important facts of shrimp life that you may not have heretofore been aware of. If you missed that post a) shame on you and b) you can click on the word “shrimp” in the previous sentence and get all caught up.

Shrimp Part ii -- What you don't know (but probably should ) about shrimp. DearKidLoveMom.comAstute Reader (I have always wanted to write that) David (not one of the Davids you know or are related to) asked many questions highlighting my lack of journalistic thoroughness. Since I never claimed to have a shred of journalistic thoroughness, that didn’t bother me in the least, but he did raise some interesting questions which I am now prepared (I snarfed some shrimp dip and caffeine free diet coke in preparation) to answer.

What do shrimp eat?

Many shrimp eat plankton and drink seawater. Swankier shrimp enjoy cocktails, while vegetarian shrimp eat shrimp salads.

What happens to the shrimp that get sent off to backboning school?

Shrimp get sent off to learn to get a backbone at a young age. Unfortunately (as I previously mentioned), they never develop any. You would think this would make it easier to learn handsprings, but you’d be wrong what with them not having hands.

Since shrimp parents want their offspring to learn to stand up for themselves, teen shrimp often decide to rebel and walk around on multiple legs, scavenging the ocean floor. The interesting angle (known as the shrimp-angler among those fishing for answers) is that this is what they are genetically programmed to do so the rebels and non-rebels look and act exactly alike. This causes parent shrimp to smirk because they got what they wanted all along—oxymorons.

What about the instructors at the schools?

Shrimp teachers (also known as shrimp heads) run strict schools. Classes include eating, pooping, and antennae waving. Advanced classes including learning how to be happy while being eaten by people and/or marine mammals, because as Douglas Adams proved (extra points if you get the reference) everyone’s happier if the dish of the day is happy.

What about Global Warming?

Turns out the shrimp are in mostly in favor of global warming, what with ice being the key ingredient in shrimp cocktails. One small shrimp, named Gusto, attempted to rally the shrimp to fight global warming (he was a radical in a fairly conservative family, but they loved him nonetheless). While Gusto’s family may have loved him, no one else cared much, partly because shrimp are rather single minded (“Oh, look, breakfast!”) and partly because Gusto had a rather small voice even for a shrimp. While he crusaded with much, er, gusto, Gusto was never heard except by a sweet pinepod named Gertie who ate him before she realized what he was talking about.

Now you know.

Love, Mom

Douglas Adams wrote The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (which is what I was referring to). There are two other books in the trilogy—I love the way that man’s mind works.

Read More

Flying High | December 17th

Dear Kid,

Imagine it is 1903. The century is barely begun, but the year is almost over. It is December 17th. On the Outer Banks of North Carolina, two brothers from Dayton are about to make history.

What? No in-flight beverage service?? DearKidLoveMom.comYes, Orville and Wilbur make the world’s first successful flight in a self-propelled, heavier-than-air aircraft on 12/17/03 wow–can’t really write it that way, can I? Orville was the pilot. Wilbur was the ground crew, the in-flight attendant (albeit not in the plane), and the control tower. He was all those things very, very quickly because the plan only stayed aloft 12 seconds.

In honor of this we are driving to Florida for vacation.

No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris. Orville Wright

Note to burglars: The vicious attack dog is staying home to guard the house and its contents. He will be hungry. Intruder is his favorite snack. We are also leaving venomous snakes to guard the valuables. Of which we don’t have any.

If God had really intended men to fly, he’d make it easier to get to the airport. ~George Winters

Fast forward a few years to 1911 when we get commercial passenger flights. At this point, air travel was less than comfortable. It was less than a lot of things, actually, and in some respects it’s amazing that We The People even bothered continuing to invent the industry.

An airplane? I’ll stick with my broom, thank you very much. Glinda

But Uncle Sam stepped in in 1925 and encouraged airmail delivery and passenger delivery. The first was by passing the Kelly Air Mail Act and the second was by subsidizing the price of passengers’ tickets. Neither of which seem particularly relevant in today’s day and age.

In 1930, United Airlines hired graduate nurses to tend to passengers’ comfort and needs. They were called stewardesses (after the similar position on cruise ships). Stewardesses (in those days) were responsible for all sorts of things like refueling airplanes and loading luggage. Then everyone got specialized and stewardesses were responsible for refueling passengers and watching them struggle with carry-on luggage.

These days, flight attendants are not even responsible for the safety announcements (all recorded) and if you want food on a plane you’d best bring your own (or marry a zillionaire).

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Douglas Adams

Speaking of which, if you haven’t read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, you really should. You may borrow my copy as long as you return it at some point. Bring your own laughter, you’ll need it.

Love, Mom

Defying Gravity (which is pretty much what flying is) for your viewing enjoyment

Read More


Can't remember to check for new posts? No prob. I'll send it to you.

Online Marketing

Blogging Fusion Blog Directory

Blogarama - The Blog Directory

Blog Directory
%d bloggers like this: