Dear Kid,

I may never be warm—or even tepid—again. Between last night’s game (frigid) and today’s JV game (about 10 times colder), my core temperature has dropped to “frozen solid” despite a great number of hot beverages and handwarmers.

The great news is that last night was a solid shut out over the Comets. And while today’s game was a solid loss for us, we can say “Eh, it’s JV. It doesn’t matter” like we actually mean it.

And so the High School football season ends for the Aviators.

Remember that Daylight Savings Time ends tomorrow. Technically, it ends at 2am, but that seems like a ridiculous hour to repeat.

Many, many (and many more “many”s) moons ago, my friend Susan (not someone you know) taught me the trick of changing the clock during the day.

Her rationale was that it was her hour to use and she was going to use it the way she saw fit, not just fritter it away in the wee hours of the morn when no one was paying attention.

For her, the clocks generally changed sometime in the afternoon and she would always find a specific way to use the hour (even if it was for raking leaves).

I think this is brilliant (except for the raking leaves part, because as I may have mentioned it is sub-arctic weather here).

I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to use my hour this year.

I might use it to do some cooking. I thought briefly about using it to clean (I know, hilarious idea). I might use it to write a blog. Or, as with last year, I might use it to squeeze in a visit to the gym. Booker has assured me he is going to use his hour to nap, shed, and then complain about not being fed on time.

How are you planning to use your extra hour?

Happy November,

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, Joe Neanderthal went out with his buddies to go hunting. Being Neanderthals, they didn’t have the option of going to the nearby store and picking up dinner on their way home so they had to stay out hunting until they actually caught something. In the interim there were lots of stories about the mammoth that got away and whether or not the saber-tooth squirrels were looking especially furry that year.

Eventually the Neanderthals clunked something over the head and dragged it home to their various spouses. Mrs. Joe Neanderthal was of the opinion that Joe had taken rather longer than was necessary and therefore clunked him over the head. Fortunately, Joe was extremely hard headed and just staggered around a while until he felt like himself. This is generally considered the First Homecoming.

In modern times, the first homecoming was in 1911 at the University of Missouri. There are some disputes about which college held the first homecoming. But since the Most Important Authorities in the Land (by which I mean Jeopardy!, Trivial Pursuit, and NCIS) all say it was Missouri, I think we can agree it was Missouri. Anyone who wants to argue with Alex and/or Gibbs is on their own as far as I’m concerned.

Here is a recipe for a successful Homecoming:

1. Arrange for clear weather. Downpours, drizzles, squalls, tornadoes, and flurries tend to put a damper (get it? Ha!) on the activities.
2. Participate in spirit week. If you’re a high schooler, roll your eyes but participate anyway. Be especially annoyed about “Denim Day.”
3. Agonize about a date to the Homecoming Dance. Once the “who” is settled, agonize about the “what to wear,” the “who else is in the group,” the “where to take pictures,” the “where to have dinner,” and any other details you can think of.
4. If you’re in Texas, include mums. And by “mums” I mean huge, over decorated concoctions. I’m not from Texas so I don’t really get it, but I have it on good authority that mums are a critical part of homecoming in the Lone Star State.
5. Have a parade and a pep rally. Not necessarily at the same time, but when one rolls into the other, it’s a nice touch.
6. Tailgating is considered by many to be a mandatory part of the weekend.
7. Crown the court. It is more interesting if you know the crownees, if someone falls off the risers during the crowing, or if they try to crown a band member who’s still wearing a marching band hat.
8. Win the football game. This is a considerably better option than losing the football game.
9. Enjoy the homecoming dance. Attendance is not a guarantee of enjoyment, but it is a prerequisite. There will be pre-dinner photos. Deal with it and smile.
10. Tell your mother everything. Telling All does not guarantee a peaceful existence, but it is likely to cut way down on the Annoying Mom Questions.

Happy Homecoming! Whether you’re coming home for it or not.

Love, Mom

Homecoming Part II tomorrow. Probably.

Dear Kid,

It’s Friday, and for the first time in many weeks we will not be heading to a High School football game tonight. It feels a little weird. I’m sure the weather forecasters are pleased that I have no need to fuss about the accuracy (or lack thereof).

Sports are not the only thing in life. They may not even be the most important thing in life (calm down, I said “may”). But big changes in sports seasons often take me by surprise. I get taken out of my short-term habit of going to The Game, watching football on the weekend while curled up on the couch, half watching a hockey game before bed while I get a little bit more work done. Other people seem to flow seamlessly from one season to the next and you’d think I would have adjusted to the change by now. I haven’t. I’m always a little disappointed that when I want to watch a football game there isn’t one on. (Why people don’t consult me on the schedules is still a mystery.) Perhaps it’s because I don’t like all sports equally (but that’s a topic for another day). Fortunately, we haven’t hit the end of the televised football season yet, so I don’t have to go cold turkey.

I know you’re headed to the basketball game tomorrow (see how confusing the change of sports season is?) Maybe part of the problem is that the seasons don’t change so much as overlap. I shall have to think about this some more. Hope you and Dad enjoy the game and that OUr Team wins.

Speaking of soccer (just because I wasn’t) this kid is amazing. Just when you think it’s gone on a little too long and you’ve had enough, keep watching. And yet, he probably can’t pass a Chem Exam.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

In the song Tradition! from Fiddler on the Roof someone asks the rabbi if there is a prayer for the Tsar. “Yes,” the rabbi replies, “May the Lord bless and keep the Tsar–far away from us.” (Video provided for your viewing enjoyment–5:55 if you want to skip right to the relevant quote.) That’s sort of how I felt before last night’s football game.
The pundits favored our opponents and unfortunately for us, they were quite correct. It was not a pretty game. On the plus side, Pi kicked her First Ever High School Field Goal, so that is pretty exciting.

I got thinking about football traditions, college football traditions to be more precise. Not surprisingly, there are lots and lots of fabulous football traditions.

There are countless examples (because I didn’t count) of touching a sign or symbol for luck before the game. Or of entering the stadium to smoke, following a cheerleader packed car, or after various mascots. There is, of course, the famous tradition of dotting the “i” in Ohio (three cheers for the sousaphone player! Did you know that there have been guest “i” dotters? Not many, but a few.).

The traditions I like the best are the ones that are a bit unexpected.

Florida State has the Sod Cemetery. Since 1962, the Seminoles have always brought back a piece of turf from their opponent’s field to be buried in the cemetery. The “Sod Games” are any game in which Florida State is considered the underdog, matchups against in-state rival Florida, conference championships, and bowl games.

At every Penn home game, Quakers fans throw toast onto the field after the end of the third quarter. The tradition was started back in the 1970s when alcohol was banned from the stadium. The fans now use it as a way to “toast” the team. Ha.

The “M” above the end zone at the Missouri stadium is made of thousands of whitewashed rocks. Every year before the first Tigers home game, incoming freshmen take part in cleaning the “M”.

Every Monday of a game week, Notre Dame’s football helmets are repainted (and the gold paint includes flecks of real gold—I wonder how much Chipotle you can buy with a gold helmet?).

A newer tradition is Hawaii’s Haka. It was introduced in 2006 and I have no words to describe it. Two videos provided in lieu of words.

See you in a couple of hours! (Yippee!) My first ever college crew regatta–double yippee!

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Yesterday, we packed 3½ weeks’ worth of provisions, donned expedition gear, and crossed the border into Kentucky for the football game. We did not encounter any significantly vicious wildlife (other than a few mosquitoes), but we did fight the brutal Rush Hour Traffic Beast (we eventually won, but the RHTB captured a decade or two we’ll never see again). There was a truck accident on the highway and what should have been about a 50 minute drive to Union, KY became a 2 hour excursion in which we got to see the sites of far too many Small Towns in Kentucky. I think we passed through Rabbit Hash, but the mayor wasn’t around so it wasn’t as eventful as it might have been.

Meet the Mayor of Rabbit Hash, Ky
Lucy Lou is a red & white border collie who has lived her whole life in Rabbit Hash. She is in town every day and has appointed herself the town tour guide, meeting visitors and making sure they see all the sights. She won the mayoral election on the non-partisan canine ticket and supports feline and canine presence in the General Store.

We passed other notable sites including Big Bone Lick, Gun Powder Plaza (named after Gun Powder Creek), Turkeyfoot Road, and more than one McDonald’s.

There are (some) blue people in Kentucky. We didn’t see or meet any, but it’s an interesting story. The Fugates were an extended family living in an isolated hollow in Eastern Kentucky. Most members of the family had “hereditary methemoglobinemia,” an enzyme deficiency that causes a person’s blood to run vein blue as opposed to arterial red. Instead of being pink, these people are tinted blue or purple. The condition is based on a recessive gene which clan founder Martin Fugate and his wife both carried. They settled in Troublesome Creek (seriously—was the name not a sufficient clue that living somewhere else might be a better idea?) sometime in the mid-19th Century. Cousins marrying cousins was commonplace among isolated Appalachians, so by the time a doctor discovered the Fugates in the 1960s, there were several blue people living in the hills.

The football game was a smashing success if you measure such things by the scoreboard and percentage of PATs made. Since that’s my primary method of evaluating games, it was a smashing success: our heroes won 28-0 with Pi scoring 4 for 4 PATs. (Films today are unlikely to fall into the category A Fun Time For All. There were a lot of mistakes and a LOT of penalties. One suspects the coaches might have a Word or Two to share with the team.)

In other news, I will be working the concession stand for the JV game in a  little while. Then later Booker has his annual physical which he is very excited about. Well, he would be excited if he knew what I was talking about. He loves the unlimited supply of treats there, although he’s not a big fan of the poking and prodding and shot giving. Poor pooch.

Best of luck with the 5K row–we’ll be eager to hear about it.

Love, Mom

P.S.

I bow humbly to your proofreading skills….