Posts Tagged "health"

The Universe Handed Me a Gift (You Didn’t See This One Coming, Did You?)

Dear Kid,

Every now and then the Universe pops up and hands me a little present. I am always careful to say “Thank you” most politely because that’s what one does when the Universe goes out of its way to be kind.

A few years ago, the gift was when doctors decided that wine has important health benefits and therefore a cup full of vino is the medicine going down. Yippee and Thank You.

Then the medical profession decided that coffee has heart benefits. This has nothing to do with actual benefits (I’m sure it’s just great marketing from the coffee cartel) but what do I care whether it’s real or not? The docs say “Drink coffee,” I say make it a strong one. And Thank You.

The best part is that I never intended to change my behavior (Coffee’s not good for me? Unfortunate. I’ll still drink the same amount.). But having the Universe’s blessing for my behavior makes me feel loved and special and much less guilty.

Now, once again, the Universe has handed out a completely unexpected present. This one may be the silliest one ever, but since it is a Proven Scientific and Medical Fact, who am I to argue?

The Universe has declared that it is unhealthy to make your bed every morning.

Didn’t see that one coming, did you?

I promise. It doesn't make a bit of difference to me if you make the bed or not. I'm comfy.

This, of course, proves that I am The Most Knowing of All Mothers You’ve Ever Had because I only insisted you actually make your bed about twice a year (on the same days I made my bed—namely, when Grandma was visiting). I am so far ahead of my time, it’s crazy.

You do not need to point out that “ahead of my time” and “lazy” in this case refer to the same thing.

I don’t particularly care for bed-making. I find it is a great way to break my nails and all I do is mess it up a pretty bed all over again. It’s a thankless job (in my opinion) so I skip it on a regular basis (and by “regular basis” I mean “daily”). It’s perfectly fine with me if someone else makes the bed; in fact, I like climbing in to a freshly made bed. I just don’t like it enough to do the actual bed-making in the first place.

There are people who do like making the bed (or who think they do since the habit is so ingrained). To them I say “Have at it” just don’t ask me to do the same thing. And now the Universe says we have a Good Excuse not to make the bed.

The reason making your bed is unhealthy is dust mites. Dust mites are the invisible creatures who live in our linens and chow down on the billions of skin cells we shed. The dust mites poop invisible mite poop and we sneeze. Not good for the allergy-affiliated among us. (In a scientifically significant oversight, it turns out that dust mites and dust dragons are not related.)

It turns out that dust mites prefer nice moist skin cells. The kind that get tucked in every morning when someone makes the bed. They are much less excited about eating dried up skin cells (the kind that dry out every day when you don’t make the bed).

So now you have a scientific reason for not making the bed. And sneezing is once again entirely up to you.

Love, Mom

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Some Things Are Best Left to Professionals | Heal Quickly

Dear Kid,

If you were to take apart your ankle (which I don’t recommend) you would discover that it is make of three bones: Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

The reason you shouldn’t take your ankle apart (aside from it being harder to walk when your ankle is in pieces) is that we cut your tags off years ago and if you take it apart yourself (rather than calling a qualified professional) you void the warrantee. Also, there are lots of ligaments and tendons and cartilage in there. Generally, when you take your own ankle apart and try to put it back together you end up with extra pieces. This is generally considered a Mistake.

Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot Dutch Proverb. Broken bones too. DearKidLoveMom.comSome people don’t take this advice seriously and end up on crutches.

Ankles are useful for many things. They are an excellent place for ankle bracelets. They usually stay awake when your foot falls asleep. And they are critical for wearing shoes with ankle straps.

There are more than 250,000 sweat glands in your two feet which can excrete over half a pint of moisture daily. Ankles put up with a lot.

The average woman walks three miles more per day than the average man. Except when she breaks her ankle.

In 1324, England’s King Edward II (who apparently had a foot fetish [I love starting rumors]) decided that the diameter of one barley corn (roughly a third of an inch) would represent a full shoe size. Amazingly, that’s still how European shoe sizes are measured. I have no idea why royalty would bother getting involved in such things.

It is harder to wear shoes (of any size) when you have a broken ankle.

To anyone with a broken ankle: heal quickly.

Ton anyone without a broken ankle: let’s keep it that way.

Love, Mom

Wynken, Blynken, and Nod by American writer and poet Eugene Field was published on March 9, 1889.

Wynken, Blynken, and Nod one night
Sailed off in a wooden shoe —
Sailed on a river of crystal light,
Into a sea of dew.
“Where are you going, and what do you wish?”
The old moon asked the three.
“We have come to fish for the herring fish
That live in this beautiful sea;
Nets of silver and gold have we!”
Said Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

The old moon laughed and sang a song,
As they rocked in the wooden shoe,
And the wind that sped them all night long
Ruffled the waves of dew.
The little stars were the herring fish
That lived in that beautiful sea —
“Now cast your nets wherever you wish —
Never afeard are we”;
So cried the stars to the fishermen three:
Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

All night long their nets they threw
To the stars in the twinkling foam —
Then down from the skies came the wooden shoe,
Bringing the fishermen home;
‘Twas all so pretty a sail it seemed
As if it could not be,
And some folks thought ’twas a dream they’d dreamed
Of sailing that beautiful sea —
But I shall name you the fishermen three:
Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

Wynken and Blynken are two little eyes,
And Nod is a little head,
And the wooden shoe that sailed the skies
Is a wee one’s trundle-bed.
So shut your eyes while mother sings
Of wonderful sights that be,
And you shall see the beautiful things
As you rock in the misty sea,
Where the old shoe rocked the fishermen three:
Wynken, Blynken, and Nod.

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What Happens When Your Ligaments Complain | A Day Off?

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit. Phyllis Diller. DearKidLoveMom.comDear Kid,

I’m not going to the gym today. My ligaments wanted a day off. You know how it goes. The tendons hear the ligaments have a day off and the next thing you know everyone is whining. In no time at all, only three eyelashes and my left ear were willing to work out, so I’m taking the day off.

Now you know.

It’s easy to decide to take a day off from the gym. As long as I get my little self back there tomorrow there really won’t be any consequences. One could argue that it will actually be good for me to take a day off. (Unfortunately, one would be in for a silly argument because it’s not like I train all that hard.)

There are other activities that are easy to take a break from. Like deciding not to go out to eat every weekend, or choosing not to have coffee every day (yeah, ok, that’s pretty funny), or  opting not to text during dinner. Other things have much bigger consequences. Like skipping work or deciding not to go to class because you don’t feel like it.

Pills or stairs? DearKidLoveMom.comSometimes, taking a day off is a honkin’ big mistake. Like skipping coffee when you are addicted to morning caffeine, skipping obligations can cause a pretty nasty headache.

When you don’t feel like going somewhere/doing something that you know you really have to do or get to, it can be hard to make yourself get moving. Snuggling under the covers for oh, just another 10 or 12 hours can seem like a mighty fine idea. And just once won’t hurt, right?

Except that it will. Maybe it will impact your paycheck. Maybe you’ll miss the key lecture that will make up 80% of the midterm. Maybe not being there will tarnish your reputation. Or something will happen that you could have prevented. Or something won’t happen that you could have started. There are always ripples.

And skipping a planned workout can lead to a second skipped workout. So if you’ll excuse me for a moment, I have to go grab my gym bag. My ligaments need a Strong Talking To about where we’re going after work today.

Love, Mom

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Take Care of Yourself | You’re the Only You We Have

calendar keep yourself healthyDear Kid, 

When you are young, by which I mean your age, The Future seems far, far away. As you get older, by which I mean sometime after age 30, you begin to realize that you only get one body and that not every boo-boo can be healed with a band-aid and a kiss.

But at 18 or 20 or 26 that is an almost incomprehensible concept.

Here are some reasons for taking care of yourself.

Dorothy Custer at 102 years old is the oldest person to base jump.

96-year old legally blind skydiver Julian Tandem skydiving for the 1st time.

Whether you want to skydive for your 105th birthday, learn to hang glide with your great great grandchild, or be the world’s oldest scuba diver, you’ll need to take your body along.

So be careful. Take care of yourself. Don’t assume you are invincible.

You’re the only you we have.

Love, Mom

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