Dear Kid,

The photos have been snapped, the tassel has been moved, the diploma has been presented—you are a graduate.

(Updated Cast link provided for your convenience.)

There are moms who will use this occasion to weep and wail and wallow. I will simply point out that I wore water-proof mascara to graduation and there is no need for me to weep in print.

There are moms who will use this occasion to reminisce about times when their child was brand new (or nearly new). Or about the parallels with graduating from Kindergarten or the first time their child played soccer. I am not one of those moms (I can barely remember what I had for breakfast today).

There are moms who will use this occasion to prognosticate about the Wonderful Times Ahead in college or about the endless possibilities that await. My crystal ball is broken and my ESP has always been fuzzy, so you’re on your own to create your future without predictions.

Do not however be fooled into thinking that I will leave this occasion unremarked upon. (Silly you.)

There are almost 4,500 colleges in the United States.
There are more than 133,000 public and private secondary schools.
We are talking a LOT of tassels. And a lot of graduation parties.

Congratulations to the Class of 2013

I am so proud of you, kid. You are an incredible person. You are kind and giving and confident. I’m very proud of the honor cords and the things you have accomplished. But mostly I am proud that you are you–that you accept the best of people and let that influence but not change you. That you think about the impact your actions have on the world around you. That you know how to cook and how to chop down a tree. How to stop a puck zooming at you at a zillion miles an hour and how to comfort an unhappy child. And that you do it with grace and ease and dignity and humility.

You are the best you possible. Dad and I could not possibly be more proud of you.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s that time of year. It seems that everyone is writing advice to the Class of 2013. Some of it is really useful and worth paying attention to—especially because the working world and the academic world are not the same.

Here are two posts I think are particularly worth reading.

Class of 2013–Don’t be the Punk Who Fixates on Angry Birds

Four Things You Must Unlearn Immediately

Here are a few important pieces of mom-advice:

Do not buy an entirely new wardrobe yet. Yes, you may need something other than baggy sweats and beer-branded t-shirts to wear to work. By all means, invest in an outfit or two. But wait until you see what the culture of your new workplace is before going any further into wardrobe replacement. You want to be sure you’re investing in clothes that you’ll get good use from.

The same thing applies to going from high school to college. Sure, buy a university-logo item or two, but don’t buy up the entire spirit wear section of the bookstore. Wait and see what you’ll actually want once you’re at college.

Leave more time than you think you’ll need for the commute. Getting to your new job during rush hour is not the same as getting to the building for a 10am interview. Leave time to get stuck in traffic, find a parking space (no more parking in the visitor spaces), and walk from the parking lot to the building. (Substitute fighting for space on public transportation if you are fortunate enough to live somewhere where that is an option.)

If you’re starting college, leave enough time to get to class and discover that there has been a room change—to the other side of campus. Assume that the room will be crowded and get there in time to get a seat in a part of the room you’re comfortable in.

Don’t spend your entire food budget on lunch or designer coffee. It’s great to eat with colleagues and to go out for a fun lunch every now and then. But buying expensive lunches and $4 billion lattes every day will leave you hungry/unable to pay rent/broke by the end of the month. Unless you are making a great deal more money than I think you are. In which case, we should be having an entirely different conversation about investing.

Same idea at college, only more so. Because now we’re talking about you spending my money, and I’m pretty sure I’ve already stocked up your food services account.

Stay in touch. You are not entirely on your own. We’re here for you. And we love you. And we love to hear all about your new adventures. So call, or text, or send a carrier pigeon if you can find one. Just don’t disappear.

Whether you are graduating from an institution of higher learning, high school, or pre-school, I wish the entire Class of 2013 all the best. You are a terrific group, and I can’t wait to see what’s next for you.

Love, Mom

Mortar Boards the way the world sees them

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, you were born. Since then, it’s been a series of graduations. You graduated from pre-school, you graduated from Kindergarten, you graduated from training wheels (although there were fewer attendees for that one). We sat through (fairly short) speeches. We clapped politely for other graduates. We cheered for you. And we celebrated. Often with fabulous, age-appropriate desserts.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success. ~Robert Orben

It is time to plan the next graduation celebration. I’ve been thinking about it. I suspect the speeches will be longer, the cheering more exuberant. I’m pretty sure we will need fabulous, age-appropriate desserts.

Mortar Boards the way Pinterest sees them

Fortunately, there is help for me (yeah, yeah, not enough. I get it.) Pinterest is brimming with graduation-themed pins. Party ideas, cap decorating ideas, party decorating ideas, and food ideas. I love Pinterest and plan to steal borrow pay homage to at least a few of these ideas. That is, if I can pry myself away from Pinterest long enough to actually do anything.

The candy idea got me thinking about mortar boards. Who came up with this particular look as being a great fashion option? I still don’t know because everything that I looked at about mortar boards was serious and boring. Not my fave combination. I can’t find anything even mildly amusing about mortar boards. I looked. I thought there would be a treasure trove of hilarity out there. Nope. Nada.

Graduation: a ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you will have learned enough to be able to read it.

The only mildly funny thing (which really isn’t all that funny, imho) is that the color for business school tassels is “drab.” That is the name of the color, not some wisecracking description of the color.

Now before anyone gets all bent out of shape let me point out that both of my tassels are (shudder) drab. I discovered this when we were getting ready to graduate from Boston University (Go Terriers). There it was, a tassel labeled “Drab.” Who came up with this color?! Seriously?? We have marketing people, we have creative people, we have people who sit around and think up fabulous names for nail polish and paint, and the best someone could come up with for the tassel for business school is “drab.” Even saying the word sounds unhappy.

Drab. I kid you not.

Sigh. Not that the color of a tassel is any reason to pick a field of study. It’s not. Not at all. Still, if things work out so that the tassel is pretty…

Have a very un-drab day, Kid.

Love, Mom