Posts Tagged "gardening"

Nighttime Gardening, Fighting the Weeds, and Agreeing on Who Makes the Rules

Dear Kid,

What a lovely weekend we’ve had so far.

First we visited you, YAY!

Yesterday, we did a lot of gardening. The never-ending weed pit we call our entire property gives us plenty of time to spend together.

Last night we were going to go to an event at the Observatory but Dad decided the cloud cover would make it difficult to see things which would annoy me and frustrate him. Unless it would frustrate me and annoy him. Anyway we didn’t go.

Instead we decided to do some nighttime gardening. Weeding by firefly light. Someone (me) thought it would be a good idea. Someone (Dad) thought we should wear long sleeves and long pants. Someone (me) agreed to wear jeans but absolutely refused to wear a long-sleeve shirt in 90 degree heat with 90% humidity.

Someone (Dad) suggested he married someone who was silly and stubborn. Someone (me) didn’t disagree and compromised by putting on bug repellent. Out we went.

Someone (the Puppy) patrolled the area, decided it was safe, and assumed guard position by curling up in the mulch and going to sleep. Never seen him sleep in mulch before. He actually slept for a bit, got up, turned around, rearranged the mulch to his satisfaction, and went back to sleep. Dad tried to take a picture but the pre-flash kept waking the Puppy up. Imagine him with his head tucked under his wing and little baby snores floating around his head.

Eventually it got too dark to see what we were doing so we went in. Someone (me) of course had been thoroughly munched. Someone (Dad) suggested long-sleeves might be in order in the future. Someone (me) pointed out that it wouldn’t have prevented the bite I got on my face and if he didn’t stop talking and start helping with the hydrocortisone there would be bigger problems than bug bites. Someone (Dad) compromised by lecturing while he helped with the hydrocortisone. Someone (me) very maturely thanked him while ignoring the lecture.

Someone (Dad) asked if I planned to wear long-sleeves in the future. Someone (me) suggested he was out of his mind for even thinking such a thing.

Someone (Dad) has perfected his long-suffering sigh. He’s currently online, buying stock in whatever pharmaceutical company manufactures hydrocortisone.

Love, Mom

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You Are Not Going to Believe How Bad This Idea Is

Dear Kid,

Speaking of colossally bad ideas, my friend Sue pointed out our next contender in the Are You Kidding Me? category.

Naked Gardening Day.

It’s a thing. It’s a thing on the first Saturday of May.

It is not a thing we will be doing at our house.

Put some clothes on! You'll embarrass the petunias! DearKidLoveMom.comAccording to the Huffington Post, it is a great day to plant your seed(s). Don’t worry–it gets worse.

I am so appalled at the concept, I don’t even know where to start: Sunburn? Mosquitoes? Mulch and grass in places mulch and grass shouldn’t go? A poorly aimed weedwacker? Embarrassed petunias? People showing too much winter paleness?

The possibilities are horrifying and horrifyingly endless.

Although just because you are unclothed does not mean you are a hoe.

I talked to the Puppy about Naked Gardening Day.

Puppy: Fur.
Me: Fur?
Puppy: Fur. You need fur.
Me: It’s summer. Why do I need fur?
Puppy: Sunburn. Mosquitoes. Mulch and grass. Embarrassed petunias. Skin that’s blindingly pale. Fur solves the problems.
Me: Fur.
Puppy: Yep, fur.
Me: And the weedwacker?
Puppy: Run. In your fur.

The first people to participate in Naked Gardening Day were Adam and Eve. Even the snake was unclad according to most accounts of the story. They enjoyed N G Day right up to the point where they discovered the joy of custom fit fig leaves.

Not sure what you’re going to be doing next Saturday. But I know what I will not be doing.

Love, Mom


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Poison Ivy (Part III) | 10 Reasons to Avoid Poison Ivy

Dear Kid,

In case you haven’t been paying attention, I have poison ivy. On my face.

Dear Mom,

My poison ivy is getting much better. No need to worry. Really.

Love, Me

It is not the Most Fun Thing I’ve Ever Done. Thank heavens for prednisone. To be fair, it’s not the worst, but it definitely ranks among Things I’d Prefer Not To Do Again.

In case you were contemplating something involving our three-leaf friend, I’ve put together a list of 10 reasons to change your mind. I’m just that kind of a mom.

10 Reasons Not to Play with Poison Ivy

  1. It itches. A lot.
  2. Poison ivy bumps and blisters are not attractive. To anyone.
  3. Batman will come after you.
  4. Urushiol, which is the oil in poison ivy that causes all those lovely bumps and blisters, is extremely stable and can stay active for years. Many years.
  5. Airborne poison ivy is extremely dangerous (it doesn’t exactly fly, but can go through the air with the greatest of ease with a little help from a lawn mower, weed wacker, or just from falling vines).
  6. 50% of the urushiol that hits your skin will be absorbed in 10 minutes.
  7. Once urushiol is absorbed into your skin, you can wash all you like but it won’t help at all.
  8. Some people don’t have a reaction to poison ivy; you’re probably not one of them.
  9. People who know how to do it correctly can harvest the sap from poison ivy and turn it into a beautiful lacquer finishing agent. You’re not one of those people either.
  10. It itches. A lot. A whole lot.

Love, Mom

Just in case you missed the beginning…

Poison Ivy (Part I) | More Than a Batman Character

Poison Ivy (Part II) Take Your Face to Work Day

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Poison Ivy (Part II) | Take Your Blistered Face to Work Day

Dear Kid,

I took my poison ivied face to work yesterday.

CoWorker 1: What the…
CoWorker 2: Shut up
CoWorker 1: But did you see her face?
CoWorker 2: She has poison ivy. You knew that. Shut. Up.
CoWorker 1: It looks like her face is falling off.
CoWorker 2: You’re on your own. I warned you.

CoWorker 3: We should take photos
Me: No
CoWorker 3: Seriously. We could probably sell them to National Geographic
Me: I can and will kill you
CoWorker 3: They’ve probably never seen anything like this before
Me: I can and will break your camera equipment
CoWorker 3: Just lift your chin a little. That is your chin, isn’t it?
Me: Grrrr
CoWorker 3: She gets nasty when she has poison ivy

CoWorker 4: You definitely look worse than yesterday
CoWorker 5: I feel bad for you
CoWorker 4: You really look worse than yesterday
CoWorker 6: I think she can turn people to stone with that stare
CoWorker 2: I’m telling you. It’s time for a new subject

CoWorker 1: We’re going to have to change the presentation
CoWorker 5: Really? I think it’s fine
CoWorker 1: The presentation itself is fine
CoWorker 5: So What’s the problem?
CoWorker 1: Well, we can’t let her present. She’ll scare people away!
CoWorker 5: That’s true. I feel bad, but it’s true.

CoWorker 1: Don’t mention the poison ivy
CoWorker 7: What poison ivy?
CoWorker 1: On her face. Don’t mention it. We’re not talking about it
CoWorker 7: You have poison ivy?
Me: Yes
CoWorker 7: I’ve been talking to you for an hour. I didn’t notice
CoWorker 3: You didn’t notice? How could you not notice?
Me: I’m not sure which is worse, the noticing or the not noticing

Love, Mom

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Poison Ivy | More Than a Batman Character

Dear Kid,

I, your mother, have poison ivy.

On my face.

On. My. Face.

I washed my hands carefully. Which explains why it is obviously hubby's fault I have poison ivy on my face. DearKidLoveMom.comIt is not the Worst Case of Poison Ivy Ever. I know this because My Friend the Internet kindly provided photos of some of the Worst Cases and they are Not attractive. At all.

So far, no one has run screaming from my face. At least, not more than usual.

Still, I am not going to include a photo of my face because A. I don’t like having my photo taken in the best of times and B. This is not the Best of Times.

Also, I am too busy to take a photo. I am busy trying Not To Scratch and there are lots of things in the world that are easier–like not thinking about pink buffalo (made you think about them).

Here’s what happened. I was weeding (as I told you). The puppy was napping in the sun.

Dad: Want gloves?
Me: Go away
Dad: Okey Dokey

Dad: You’re getting munched by mosquitoes
Me: Go away
Dad: Okey Dokey

Me: This vine I just pulled out kinda looks like poison ivy
Me: But it has 5 leaves over there
Me: The rest of it has 3 leaves. In an alternating pattern
Me: But there are 5 leaves over there so it CAN’T be poison ivy
Me: I’ll wash my hands really carefully anyway

So you can see that it is obviously Dad’s fault.

When you have P.I. on your face you put the goopy anti-itch stuff on your face. Which then dries and feels good. And then starts to crack and peel which doesn’t feel good and looks like your face is falling off. Again, not attractive.

I itch. Which is making me grumpy. Clearly Dad’s fault.

Love, Mom

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