Posts Tagged "fashion"

The Royals (In Case You’ve Been Watching March Madness)

Dear Kid,

Have you been watching The Royals? Probably not, because you’ve probably been studying non-stop. I’m sure it’s not because you’ve been watching basketball, even if we are mid-March Madness in April.

I have now watched three episodes, which should be enough to make me an expert.

My Opinion: Stick with the basketball. I mean studying.

The Royals--What's your opinion?The Royals is not a great show. It doesn’t even manage to be a good show, although I keep watching and waiting for the fairy godmother of writing to fling her wand in and fix things.

I even went so far as to read a few reviews about it to see if I’d missed something. The only thing I missed was a great line written by Vicki Hyman of NJ Advance Media for Talking about the clothing on the show she wrote, “…outrageous fashions (there is hardly a frock that isn’t gynecological in nature)…”

I keep expecting The Royals to somehow turn into something fab. But it doesn’t. Unfortunately, I appear to be captivated, and turn from reruns of House and CSI to The Royals on Sunday evenings like the loyal subject I am.

Unless you are obsessed with outrageous hats at physics-defying angles, stick with schoolwork. I’ll stick with The Royals for a few more episodes and let you know if anything changes enough to disrupt your studying schedule.

Don’t bet on it.

Love, Mom

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Four Fashion Mistakes You Should NEVER Make | And How to Fix Them

Dear Kid,

It’s time to take a stand against fashion.

Don’t get me wrong—I think fashion is great. Unfortunately, I don’t have the time, money, body shape, or money (worth repeating) to indulge in all the fashion stakes and mistakes I might if I were fabulously wealthy and built like Cruella de Ville.

Four fashion mistakes you should never make. (And how to fix them) DearKidLoveMom.comAnd I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t be fashionable. Shoes (as I may have mentioned) are often much more than just a foot covering. Wearing fashionable clothes can make us feel great and behave better than we might in a pair of cutoffs and a ripped t-shirt.

However (you’re supposed to read the “however” in a mom voice), there are some trends that are ridiculous and downright dangerous.

Yes, dangerous. As in “can cause harm.”

The first problem is spending too much on clothing. If you’re a fan of Sex in the City, you know that Carrie said “I like my money right where I can see it—hanging in my closet.” Even Penny (knock knock), Penny (knock, knock), Penny once bought a pair of shoes that put paying rent in jeopardy. Unfortunately, fictional characters aren’t the only people spending more than they can afford on apparel.

Rule #1: Don’t spend more than you can reasonably afford on clothes. Buy one or two great trendy pieces and use staples from previous seasons to round out your wardrobe.

The second problem is buying clothes that don’t fit. I’m not sure why this is so popular right now, but it is. Girls regularly buy clothing too small; boys buy things too big. I’m sure it equals out in the cosmic cloth, but it looks bad. Just bad. When you have to spend your time hiking up your pants, they probably don’t fit (and/or you need a belt). When pieces of flesh regularly escape and need to be tucked back under your shirt, your shirt is probably too small. This is not rocket science.

Not only does it look bad, it can cause problems. Like tripping over pants than have a train longer than my wedding dress. Or wearing jeans so tight they cut off circulation in your stomach and legs (think corset for the lower extremities). Not good. Not good at all.

Rule #2: Wear clothes that fit.

Far be it for me to slander shoes. BUT watching people try to walk in shoes that are too small (think Cinderella’s sisters trying to cram into the glass slipper) or too tight (ditto) or too high (5 inch heels? Really?) makes my teeth hurt. If you can’t walk in them, do not wear them. If you get them, practice walking in them. If you still can’t walk in them, do not wear them.

Wearing your shoes untied is uber cool. I get it. But things get markedly less cool when you step on your own shoe laces, trip, and go flying into someone’s breakfast.

Rule #3: If you can’t walk gracefully in your shoes, you’re wearing the wrong shoes.

Fashion braces (the teeth kind, not the suspender kind) may be the most dangerous trend I’ve heard of in a while. There is a new trend to have braces as a fashion statement and teens are putting them in themselves. Of course, these braces have passed all sorts of medical inspections (not) and between the lead content and mis-installation are causing all sorts of problems.

Rule #4: Either you had braces or you didn’t. Don’t go there without an orthodontist.

Stay gorgeous. Stay smart.

Love, Mom

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The Irreverent (and Entirely Fictitious) History of the Tuxedo

Bond-James-Bond-in-tuxdeoDear Kid,

Once upon a time, people wore the skins of whatever they had recently eaten for dinner. This made staying warm difficult for vegetarians and people in coastal societies who lived primarily on seafood.

Then someone discovered that penguins were toasty warm creatures even though they lived in ice and snow (and weren’t smart enough to build igloos)—and men’s fashion was born.

Not long after that, James Bond appeared in the movies and the idea of wearing leopard skin to a formal event was forever gone.

Really, I don’t know why people find history so difficult.


Renting a tuxedo is the easiest clothing experience I have ever participated in. But to appreciate this you first have to understand the joy and sanity of finding a women’s outfit for a formal occasion.

  1. Search through 16 magazines for inspiration.
  2. Discuss colors, styles, fit, formality, dress length, shoes, jewelry, hair, and many other details with friends, relatives, and the occasional complete stranger.
  3. Plan shopping expedition “A.”
  4. Visit store #1. Look at every dress in the store. Try on 80% of them. Reject all for various reasons.
  5. Visit store #2. Look at every dress in the store. Try on 87% of them. Seriously consider 3. Retry the three. Ponder. Consult. Weigh options. Decide to put one on hold.
  6. Rinse and repeat through several shopping trips and countless stores.
  7. Eventually decide on a dress. Move on to the process of locating shoes…

Get the point? And we haven’t even talked about accessories, hair, and makeup.

But the tux rental process?

  1. Walk in.
  2. Point to tux you want from the several on display.
  3. Get measured.
  4. Choose vest and tie.
  5. Slip on shoes to confirm size.
  6. Go have frozen yogurt.

See what I mean? If nothing before has convinced you, this ought to be proof positive that men and women are fundamentally different.

Have a wonderful time at prom tonight, sweetie.

Love, Mom

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