Posts Tagged "eating"

My Body and I are Arguing Again

Dear Kid,

My body and I are arguing a lot these days.

Marie Antoinette was never on a diet. DearKidLoveMom.comBody: Let’s eat cake!
Me: No.
Body: Let’s eat cookies!
Me: No.
Body: Let’s eat chocolate!
Me: No.
Body: Remind me again why I hang out with you?


Me: Tell the fat cells to go.
Body: Not so much.
Me: This is an eviction notice for the fat cells.
Body: But they live here!
Me: That’s the point. They are no longer welcome.
Body: I think I’ll keep them anyway.


Me: Get up and get moving.
Body: I got up and got moving yesterday.
Me: We have to do it again.
Body: I beg to differ.
Me: It’s not really optional.
Body: Yeah? Just try moving without me.


Body: I hurt.
Me: You don’t hurt. We went to the gym yesterday.
Body: I hurt.
Me: You feel energized.
Body: I think we’re using a different dictionary.


Body: It is time to eat.
Me: We just ate.
Body: It is time to eat again.
Me: It is time to clean the kitchen.
Body: My idea is better.
Me: True. But…
Body: So we eat!
Me: No.
Body: The cookies are tempting….
Me: Yes, but…
Body: We could just have one.
Me: Now I know you’re toying with me.

Love, Mom

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Do You Know This About the Pizza You’re Eating?

Dear Kid,

In my search for Terribly Interesting Information, I have been researching pizza. Yep, I have found Bizarre Pizza facts.

Turns out Mrs. Joe Neanderthal invented pizza. She didn’t mean to. She meant to make a pie for dinner, but ran out of dough. So instead of covering it, she served it flat (she didn’t have a pie dish since they wouldn’t be invented for several thousand years) without a cover. The little Neanderthals immediately ate all of it, started watching too much TV, and began arguing about the proper way to eat a slice. Pizza was invented.

Pizza should be eaten hot and fresh. Only microwave in dire emergencies. The good news is you get to define "emergency."

Pizza is the math of food. There is a Pizza Principle stating (with ridiculous accuracy) that the cost of a pizza has matched the cost of a NYC subway ride for over 50 years. There is the Pizza Theorem which it’s too early in the morning for me to understand (much less explain) so if you want to know more about it go check it out on Wikipedia; I can tell you that it involves the symbol pi, which seems very fitting.

Mostly there is a lot of pizza (the best of which is in NYC just a subway ride away). On average, Americans eat 46 slices of pizza a year. Professional eater Joey Chestnut set a record when he ate 40½ slices of pizza in 10 minutes. I have no idea how he eats his pizza, but I can say with confidence that if you eat that much pizza in that short a time you’re doing it wrong.

In Scotland, they deep fry pizzas. I have no words. Seriously, no words. But I may need to plan a trip to Scotland to investigate further.

36% of people consider pizza the perfect breakfast. They are correct. (But for the record I should note that it is not the only perfect breakfast.)

The world’s fastest pizza maker can make 14 pizzas in 2 minutes and 35 seconds. This seems like an abundance of efficiency to me.

Pizza is so important that NASA is developing 3D printers that can print pizzas for astronauts. My opinion on that has yet to be determined. Pizza?, yes; in space?, certainly; 3D printed?, hmmm, not sure about that yet. But then again I’ve never eaten 3D printed food.

If you’re eating pizza today (and if you hadn’t planned to, this may have changed your mind), enjoy! If you’re not eating pizza today, enjoy whatever you are eating.

Love, Mom

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Puppy Conversations | Being a Cat

Dear Kid,

Puppy: I think I will be a cat today
Me: How does that work?
Puppy: I will jump on high things and stare at you
Me: You may stare as much as you like. But there will be no jumping on high things
Puppy: But I have to. I’m a cat!
Me: No jumping
Puppy: Meow


Puppy: I am a cat
Me: Okaaay
Puppy: Cats order people around
Me: They certainly try
Puppy: Bring me treats!
Me: Small problem
Puppy: Problem? What kind of problem? I can help, I’m a good boy. I mean, Fix It! And Bring Treats!
Me: We don’t have any cat treats
Puppy: That’s ok. I want puppy treats
Me: No, cats get cat treats and puppies get puppy treat
Puppy: But I like puppy treats
Me: I thought you were a cat?
Puppy: I may have to re-think this

Puppy: I am being a cat today
Me: Are you enjoying being a cat?
Puppy: So far, it feels like being a dog
Me: I can see where that might be confusing

Puppy: When is dinner?
Me: I don’t think you understand about cats
Puppy: What do you mean?
Me: Cats often don’t eat their dinner
Puppy: What?
Me: They decide not to eat.
Puppy: But, doesn’t their tummy tell them to eat? My tummy always tells me to eat
Me: It’s a cat thing
Puppy: Being a cat was a much better idea in my head

Puppy: Mom?
Me: Yes, sweetie?
Puppy: Do I have to wear a hat if I’m a cat?
Me: Do your cat friends wear hats?
Puppy: No, but what if they aren’t doing it right?
Me: I’m pretty sure the cats know how to be cats
Puppy: Without hats?
Me: I’m sure Dr. Seuss will be ok if you don’t wear a hat

Love, Mom

Who do you know who would enjoy Puppy Conversations? Share the love
See more puppy conversations

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