Dear Kid,

March 20^th is not for the faint of heart.

March 20^th is for those who grab the world, hold on for dear life, and yell “Spin, baby, spin!”

Not only is it the First Day of Spring (Happy Vernal Equinox!), and not only is it International Earth Day (Happy Earth Day!), it is (wait for it) Extraterrestrial Abduction DAY!

Yes, it is a day to celebrate the possibility of being snatched by aliens of the intergalactic variety. It is a day to send messages back to the mothership saying you’re ready to Phone Home.

Combined it’s the Vernal Alien Earth Abduction Day. Which means you should really watch out for extraterrestrials scooping up the planet while grabbing some Reece’s Pieces.

Happy March 20^th! (with luck, spring will get the message that it’s time to show up and ET will forget to snatch anyone you know).

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there was no such thing as Earth Day—there was just earth. One day a clever Neanderthal said, “Hey, this rock is pretty cool. We should celebrate its birthday.” Mrs. Neanderthal said, “I don’t have time for birthday parties—go kill us some dinner.”

Mr. Neanderthal (being—as I mentioned—a clever dude) did as he was told and Earth Day celebrations were lost for a long time.

In 1970, some hippies discovered that if you played the Beatles last album (released in 1970) backward you would hear a treatise on environmentalism and Earth Day, the Modern Version, was born.

The early celebrations were a time for participants to drive their lead-gas guzzling cars over polluted waterways to spend some time waiting for the sun to trickle through the clouds and smog. Speeches were made, photos were taken, and the earth was praised. The earth (wisely) did not comment.

Today, a few radicals still go outside to breathe (somewhat) clean air, paddle in (somewhat) clean water, and make (generally) clean speeches. Others choose to celebrate Earth Day by posting photos on Instagram and Facebook. The earth (wisely) is unlikely to comment.

Happy Earth Day.

Love, Mom

“The earth is what we all have in common.” ~ Wendell Berry