Dear Kid,

Remind me to stop being surprised by people and their interaction with (and ideas about) technology.

According to my friend, the internet, scientists are trying to make stuff out of living materials. The headline of the Mashable article is Your Future Couch Could Be Made of Living Cells. My reaction: every college apartment I’ve ever seen has had a couch made out of living cells. Ones that should be killed as quickly and humanely as possible.

The scientists have this nifty idea that the couch would just grow when you want to rest your feet. Newsflash: we call this “a recliner” and La-Z-Boy has been pushing the idea since before Brooke Shields was Brooke Shields, interior designer.

I’m not sure what happens when you no longer wish to rest your feet. Do you have to get the weed whacker to escape the sofa? How would that work exactly?

Wait, it gets even better.

The basis for all this growth? E. coli. Yep, that e. coli.

E Coli Couch Beautiful but Deadly DearKidLoveMom.comSo rather than choose a nice coordinating fabric that complements my artwork, scientists now want me to invite the Little Shop of Horrors to take up residence in my family room, purchase a machete to keep the furniture in line, and hope that no one noshes on the sofa.

Well, I have questions.


How do you teach the puppy that he is supposed to take advantage of the outdoors if the outdoors is indoors?

Do you have to mow the carpet? I have visions of home cleaning services employing goats or cows rather than vacuums.

What happens if you want to change the décor? Can you teach the sofa to grow different arms and legs? That seems just creepy to me. Like the basis for a really bad sci-fi movie: The Couch that Ate Manhattan—coming soon to a living room near you. (Cue theme music.)

Maybe it’s me, but I just don’t see it catching on anytime soon.

Love, Mom