Posts Tagged "driving"

Open Letter to the Driver Who Zoomed Past Me

Dear Kid,

Open Letter to the Driver Who Sped Past Me at 4,000 MPH.

To the driver who drove flew by me on this highway today:

You must be incredibly important to be going so fast.

I’m not exactly going below the speed limit, yet you were a mere flash as you zoomed past me on the highway.

Maybe you’re a surgeon on your way to a lifesaving emergency in the ER. Except you were heading away from the hospital.

Maybe you’re a lawyer on your way to argue a life or death case. Except you were driving away from the courthouse.

Maybe a fire fighter on your way to a 17-alarm blaze. Except I checked the news—not so much as an out of control candle in the area.

Whoever you are, I hope you saved a lot of time.

Time to feel badly about cutting off other drivers.

Time to chat with whichever police officer pulls you over for breaking the sound barrier on a major thoroughfare.

Time to recuperate and recover in the hospital after you plow into an unsuspecting guardrail.

You must really be important.


Love, Mom

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You Won’t Believe What This Car Does

Dear Kid,

We are all going to have to go back to driving school.

To be clear, there are a lot of people on the road right now who probably should go back to driving school (looking at you, red pickup driver who thinks turn signals are just for decoration).

There is a new car in the universe (thank you universe). A new kind of car.

It’s name is EOscc2 (not as marketable as R2D2, but I’m sure they’ll work on that) and it’s billed as an ultra flexible micro-car for mega-cities.

And as long as you don’t need to take anything bigger than a lunchbox with you, it is perfect.

It’s wheels go every whichaway which means parking is a breeze.

No more three-point turn, this baby just spins around.

With a bunch of robotics and sensors it will help you park (and one day do the driving, parking, and coffee making for you).

And—get this—it changes shape.

Yep. This car goes from 2.5 meters down to 1.5 meters.

I can’t even stand myself that is so cool.

The cars also hook up into a little train which might be interesting for people all going the same way, but I’m not sure I see that part catching on in the US.

No clue when, as, or if it will come to market, but I love how these folks are thinking. You can Car that changes shape.

Love, Mom

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Crutches, Be a Millionaire Day, and Puppy Commentary

Dear Kid,

Already it’s been quite a busy morning.

Because of she’s on crutches, I drove Pi to school this morning. And because I’m That Kind Of Mom, the puppy came with us. And whined the entire trip.

Puppy: Did not
Me: Excuse me?
Puppy: I was offering a commentary on the things I sniffed
Me: In English we call that whining
Puppy: You do not understand sniffing

Do you know how hard it is to compose a blog in your head when the Puppy is whining? And I’m not talking about a soft, subtle whine, I’m talking about loud, in-your-face, non-stop, “I’m being abused” whining.

Puppy: If I whisper, you can’t hear the commentary
Me: I’d be willing to take my chances

In other news, DearKidLoveMom is making a technology change. Theoretically speaking, this shouldn’t impact you at all. It should be a smooth transition from one hosting service to another.

I did say “theoretically speaking”, right?

The challenge is that technology projects and “theoretically speaking” only have a passing acquaintance—at least in my experience.

Puppy: It’s because you don’t sniff them

I’m hoping you don’t even notice that the site has moved. But in case the world ends (and by “the world ends” I mean the site is down for some amount of time”) I want you to know that I had nothing to do with it and I’m not a bit surprised.

Puppy: If you’d give the technology a treat it would behave much better. Speaking of which…
Me: Puppies who whine in the car do not get treats. Especially not before I’ve finished my first cup of coffee.
Puppy: Drink up, woman!

And in still other news, it’s Be a Millionaire Day. It’s not clear to me if this is a directive or an honorific, but it’s not a bad thing. Especially since a million dollars isn’t really a million dollars any more. Well, it is but it only buys you an ice cream cone and a cup of tea in retirement.

How does one celebrate Be a Millionaire Day? I’m not sure. (Puppy: You sniff it.) Maybe you buy a winning lottery ticket (don’t waste your money buying losing tickets). Maybe you play a round of Monopoly. Or maybe you just go to work or school as usual and plan for the future.

Not sounding like a great day to celebrate? Probably because you’re not an expert sniffer.

Love, Mom

Who do you know that would love DearKidLoveMom? Share the stories – Share the love
See more puppy conversations

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Ridiculous Messages from Facebook

Dear Kid,

Facebook said “Today is Little Annie’s 16th birthday.”

I said, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Facebook said, “Really, it is her birthday.”

I said, “Oh, I believe it’s her birthday, but not that she’s 16. She’s Little Annie because she’s a little girl. If she were all grown up she’d be called All Grown Up Annie.”

Facebook said, “Maybe you haven’t seen her for a while. She’s definitely 16.”

I said, “It seems more probably to me that you miscounted.”

Facebook said, “That’s not how reality works.”

I said, “That’s one of the reasons I form my own reality. Yours keeps causing improbable things to happen. Like little girls growing up.”

Facebook said, “Perhaps you should look in the mirror.”

I said, “I am still as young as ever.”

Facebook said, “You’ve taught your mirror to lie well.”

Facebook is impertinent.

I’d like to say Facebook and I aren’t on speaking terms anymore but that’s even more ridiculous than Little Annie being old enough to drive. Especially since I plan to send Annie a FB message that says “Happy 12th Birthday” so that we can return reality to the world.

While we’re at it, you don’t need to grow up so quickly either.

Love, Mom

P.S. Annie–do NOT text and drive. EVER.


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Welcome Home! A Short Tour of Five States

Dear Kid,

Aligators and Florida Citrus DearKidLoveMom.comWhat an end to our trip. Yesterday we drove through

Florida—home of oranges, grapefruits, ALIGATOR HEADS!!!, and peach cider

Spanish Moss and billboards in Georgia DearKidLoveMom.comGeorgia—home of Spanish moss, PECANS!!!, more billboards per linear highway foot than any other place in the universe, and Atlanta (where it is practically impossible to get a speeding ticket because it is practically impossible to drive the speed limit)

Tennessee—home of country music (we didn’t hear any), Volunteers (we didn’t see any), and fog (we saw lots)

Night in Kentucky and Tennessee

Kentucky—home of horses, bourbon, and other things we couldn’t see because it was after midnight when we hit Kentucky

Ohio—home of us.

All in all it was a lot of driving in the rain. Lots and lots of rain. Lots and lots and lots of rain. It was nice having extra drivers to split up the trip—thanks for all your help driving and navigating.

I especially enjoyed when Dad was driving and we had the great pleasure of listening to football on the radio—with spotty reception. Yay. On the other hand, Dad put on your headphones to block out your music when you were driving and I subjected everyone to the music from Chicago and Pippin (Pi still drives in a music-free environment) so I guess it was all fair. Then again, I’m not sure in which universe “fair” and “fuzzy reception” fit in the same sentence.

Welcome Home, sweetie.

Love, Mom

Haven’t had time to LIKE Now is great time to take care of that!

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