Posts Tagged "cricket"

The Cricket In The Garage

Dear Kid,

There is a cricket in our garage.

It sings. Loudly. I don’t know if it’s male or female. I frequently can’t tell human gender just from voices so I have no shot whatsoever at distinguishing crickets.

Being the investigative reporter-type that I am (stop giggling), I sat down with the cricket to learn more.

Speaking on condition of anonymity (not a problem since we were never properly introduced), the garage cricket shared his/her/its perspectives on life, living, and the garage.

Me: Why the garage?
C: Opportunities for crickets are limited in our society, baby. We are an oppressed community. There is little to no policing of our neighborhoods or yards. Frogs, snakes, and large spiders are allowed to eat us without fear of recrimination.
Me: Wait, spiders?
C: Yes indeedee
Me: Ick. Ok, but why the garage?
C: How often can a cricket of my income level get a large one-bedroom in a gated community?
Me: Gated? Oh, you mean the garage door. Got it.
C: Plus it rarely rains in here and the meal plan is pretty good
Me: Meal plan?
C: You’d be amazed what wanders by…
Me: Say no more. Do you get a lot of, um, companionship in here?
C: Well, I do chirp exceptionally well
Me: TMI.
C: You asked
Me: True. Any chance we can get you to pitch in and help clean the garage?
C: Do pigs chirp?
Me: I take it you aren’t a cleaning sort of cricket. How do you plan to pay rent?
C: I’m releasing a new album later this year. Can I count on you for an order?
Me: Do dogs chirp?
C: Everyone’s a critic
Me: I prefer live concerts
C: Nice recovery. A little late, but nice
Me: Do you take requests?
C: Depends
Me: I request that you not keep us up at night
C: Sorry, baby. Nocturnal. All the best jazz musicians are
Me: You play jazz?
C: Well, more of a jazz/classical fusion
Me: At night
C: Nocturnal. Gotta follow Mother Nature
Me: How do you feel about the current use of the word “crickets” to mean silence?
C: Anyone who stops to listen to my symphonic melody is alright by me
Me: What are your thoughts about Jiminy Cricket?
C: Pretentious dude. Had a bad attack of conscious because he’s really a grasshopper
M: Grasshopper?
C: He’s green. Take a close look
Me: It’s not easy being green
C: Don’t mention frogs. Bad karma
Me: Thanks for talking with me today
C: Stop by any time
Me: You do remember this is my house, right?
C: Details, baby, details

Love, Mom


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The Puppy and The Cricket | Wildlife in the House

Wildlife belongs in the wild. By which I mean "not in the house." DearKidLoveMom.comDear Kid,

Puppy: Mom. Pssst, Mom.
Me: Hmmm?
Puppy: Don’t look now, but we have company
Me: Huh?
Puppy: I said don’t look! There is Someone Here
Me: I haven’t had coffee yet. Go chew on a toy.
Puppy: PSSSSST! We have A Visitor
Me: Ok, what are you talking about?
Puppy: Look!
Me: The floor moved! Where are my glasses… found a cricket. In. The. House.
Puppy: Yes! Yes! Yes! I am such a good boy!!!
Me: Crickets don’t belong in the house
Puppy: I didn’t bring it in. I just found it. Can I keep it? Can I? Please?
Me: Wildlife belongs in the wild. Not inside.
Puppy: Can I keep it? It’s my new best friend
Me: Put the cricket down!
Puppy: Buh I wuv him
Me: Don’t talk with your mouth full. Put the cricket down
Puppy: Let’s play
Me: You may have drowned him
Puppy: Let’s play!
Me: I don’t think he’s moving
Puppy: Let’s- WOW!
Me: He moved. Not yet drowned in love
Puppy: Where did he go? Let’s go find him! Hunt! Sniff! Search!
Me: I think I’ll leave that to you.
Puppy: This is Very Important
Me: So is caffeine
Puppy: Can I have some?
Me: No
Puppy: Then I’ll search for my best friend. I’ll sniff everywhere! I’ll find him! I’ll rescue him! I’ll….Mom?
Me: Hmmm?
Puppy: What am I looking for?
Me: Oh, sweetie. Let’s go for a walk, ok?
Puppy: I love walks! Let’s go for a walk! And then breakfast, right?
Me: And then breakfast
Puppy: YAY! Mornings with breakfast are Wonderful! They are my favorite! They are the best! Let’s go!

Somewhere in the house, there is a cricket. Or possibly the remains of a cricket. Or possibly the cricket has escaped. I’ll keep you posted.

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning, Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?, Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party, Puppy Speaks Foreign Languages…Sort Of, Summer Puppy Conversations | Speaking of Hope, National Dog Day | Puppy Has His Say, and Puppy Conversations | Completely In Love with Tal

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