Posts Tagged "cow"

Bet You Don’t Know This About Almond Milk

Dear Kid,

I thought almond milk was a newfangled invention.

I thought wrong.

Almonds. Waiting to grow up to make milk. Like cows. Only smaller. DearKidLoveMom.comAlmond milk has been around since the first rock fell on an almond. During the Middle Ages, almond milk was frequently used because it didn’t spoil as quickly as cow’s milk (what with the lack of refrigeration that made a difference). Almond milk was also an approved drink during Lent.

Just because the rest of the world has been making and drinking almond milk forever, doesn’t mean we here in the US paid any attention. In point of fact, cows dominated the milk scene in the US for a long time (and by “for a long time” I mean since the US was invented).

In case you were wondering how to make almond milk, it’s pretty straightforward.

Step 1. Plant an almond tree.

Step 2. Wait for almonds to grow.

As the waiting and growing can take some time, you might skip those steps and proceed to the nearest grocery store to procure almonds. (The almond milk makers of the medieval times did not have that luxury.)

Step 3. Nosh on some of the almonds.

Step 4. Toss almonds into a blender (unless you time travel back to medieval times in which case start looking for rocks) with some water. Blend until thoroughly smooshed.

Step 5. Strain out the pulp.

Step 6. Wonder why you went to all that trouble when you could have just picked up a carton of almond milk when you were at the grocery store.

Fun fact: 1 liter of commercially prepared almond milk has (approximately) the same nutritional content as 16 almonds. And has the added benefit of not leaving little bits in your teeth.

Now you know.

Love, Mom

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How to Tell the Difference Between Cows and College Students

Dear Kid,

You may not have noticed, but there is a great deal of confusion in the world today.

I will leave it to others (and by “others” I mean not me) to attempt to unconfused the little problems like global warming, pollution, and why there are no good TV shows on Friday night.

I want to tackle the big confusion of the day. The pressing problem that leaves people scratching their heads and stroking their beards (the ones left over from November and Thank Goodness most of those have been shaved off).

So without further ado, here are Some A Bunch Count ‘Em Yourself Several Ways to Tell the Difference Between College Students and Cows.

Most people think that cows have four stomachs. That’s actually not true. They have just one stomach with four chambers. College students also only have one stomach. They just eat enough to fill four.

Moo. That is all. How to tell the difference between cows and college students. DearKidLoveMom.comMoos aren’t the only sound cows make! Calves make a sound called bawling, while bulls bellow. College students make a lot of different sounds, some of which are even slightly more intelligible than bawling or bellowing.

Cows can live more than 20 years. Sometimes college students feel they age 20 years during finals week.

The average domestic cow sleeps only about four hours a day. The average college students only sleeps about four hours a day during exams. At all other times, the average college student is awake only about four hours a day.

Cows can walk up a flight of stairs, but once there, they can’t walk back down. Their knees just don’t bend the right way. Under certain circumstances, the same can be said for college students. Cows end up stuck. College students usually solve the problem by falling down the stairs.

Cows can’t vomit. College students can. And frequently prove it.

The typical cow stands up and sits down about 14 times a day. Don’t ask me to explain this one as I’ve never seen a cow sit. I have seen college students sit.

An average dairy cow weighs about 1,200 pounds, the same as an average college linebacker.

The average cow drinks 30 to 50 gallons of water each day. This is more than most college students guzzle. Of any beverage.

Now you know.

Love, Mom

As a reminder, you already know Udderly Weird Facts About Cows

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Do Not Snuggle the Fossa

Dear Kid,

If you were to meander over to Madagascar, and if you were to venture into the forest, you might meet a fossa.

Fossas live only in the forests of Madagascar, where they choose to chomp on lemurs and other small furry critters which doesn’t make them popular among Zaboomafoo fans.

Fossa live in Madagascar DearKidLoveMom.comFossas look more or less catlike with a dog muzzle. But don’t try cuddling them; they’ll rip your face off. For the record, they are related to the mongoose (I would have said “they are related to mongooses” but then I wasn’t sure if the plural is “mongooses” or “mongeese” or “mongoosi”).

Fossas grows up long to 6 feet from nose to tail tip, which is a silly way to measure them, because they are mostly tail (they only weigh 26 pounds at the max end). They use their long tails to help balance while they scoot through the trees where they spend a great deal of time. They are surprisingly speedy (surprising to their dinner of choice and to scientists who try to study them).

The fossa does not moo. Or mu. Or moue. Or μ.

(Get it? Moo-fossa? Oh, never mind.)

A Moue is a pouting expression usually used to convey annoyance or distaste.

You have seen many a moue whether or not you knew to label them as such.

You may have even made a moue. Certainly when you were little, you knew how to moo.

Deja Moo. The feeling you’ve heard this bull before.

There is no recorded evidence of a fossa making a “moo” sound or a moue face. The scientists who study fossa, however, are a different matter.

Love, Mom

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