Dear Kid,

Puppy: What’s a shed?
Me: It’s a small building usually for storing things.
Puppy: Things like toys?
Me: I suppose you could store toys in a shed. Usually people put things like tools or cars there.
Puppy: Oh Good!
Me: Why?
Puppy: I’m not a shed.
Me: What do you mean?
Puppy: Daddy said I was a shed.
Daddy: I said you were shed-ding.
Puppy: There’s a bell in the shed?
Me: There’s no bell.
Puppy: Let’s go on a walk to the shed.
Me: There’s no shed.
Puppy: But Daddy said there’s a shed.
Me: Shed can also mean that your fur is falling out.
Puppy: My WHAT?! I LOVE my fur.
Me: Yes, of course you love your fur.
Puppy: Get the GLUE! I have to hold on to my fur! Call the medics!!
Me: Some shedding is normal, honey.
Puppy: But if I lose my fur, I’ll be naked!
Me: What do you think is under your fur right now?
Puppy: This is so embarrassing.
Me: When you lose fur, it makes room for new fur to grow.
Puppy: I get new fur?
Me: All the time.
Puppy: I think I’ll grow purple fur this time.
Me: That will be interesting.
Puppy: After my nap.
Me: Of course.

Love, Mom

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Dear Kid,

This is exactly how it happened…

Me: Would you like a treat?
Puppy: I would love a treat! I love treats! Treats are wonderful! That was delicious!
Me: Would you like another treat?
Puppy: I would love another treat! Treats are…why are you over by the sink with a treat?
Me: Come here, sweetie, and you can have the treat
Puppy: I Love treats! I…but why are you over by the sink? You are not thinking about a…a….a bath, are you?
Me: I have a treat right here for you
Puppy: You ARE thinking about a bath
Me: Come here, sweetie
Puppy: I don’t like baths
Me: Treat?
Puppy: But I do like treats

Me: Come on, come here, you can do it
Puppy: I’m coming over, but I’m not happy about it
Me: I know, baby, but here’s your treat
Puppy: Here’s what I think
Me: Yes?
Puppy: I think if I take the treat, you will think it’s ok to give me a bath. So if I don’t take the treat, no bath
Me: That is very interesting logic
Puppy: So no thank you to the treat
Me: You don’t have to have the treat. But you are getting a bath. Up you go
Puppy: What?! That didn’t work out right

Me: OK, all done
Puppy: I’m clean! I’m clean! I love being clean!
Me: If you love being clean, why do you fuss about having baths?
Puppy: It’s my job. And I’m NOT a water dog

Puppy: I’m clean! I’m clean! I must run around the house in excitement!
Me: You are clean and beautiful
Puppy: And now it’s time for cheese, right?
Me: Actually, we’re out of cheese so you get treats for behaving so nicely
Puppy: I can work with that – I love treats!
Me: I seem to have heard that rumor
Puppy: More treats!

Love, Mom

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See more puppy conversations

• Puppy Conversations and Food Observations
• Spring Puppy Conversations
• New Puppy Conversations
• Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside
• Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid
• Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer
• Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness
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• Puppy Conversations | Ricky The Yorkie Comes to Visit
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• Puppy Conversations | Puppy’s Innards Do the Talking
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• Puppy Conversations | April 15 and Puppy Takes Over the Blog
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• Puppy Conversations | It’s All About the Food

Dear Kid,

I had fudge for breakfast. This may not seem very important, I know. And it really isn’t. But here’s what happened.

The other night after dinner, Pi said, “I think we should make something yummy.”

Me: Don’t you have homework?
Puppy: I like yummy things
Pi: Just a little
Puppy: I can help! I can help!
Me: You’d best do your homework
Pi: Then can we make something yummy?
Puppy: I really, really love yummy things!
Me: Why don’t you finish your homework and then see what you think you’d like to make and come show me.
Pi: OK
Puppy: Ok! I will think of lots of yummy things. They all sound delicious! I think my head will explode.

About half an hour later, I was presented with a multi-post-it-noted cookbook. Pi took me through the options, with the Puppy explaining why each one was the Best Possible One.

Finally, we decided to make her #1 pick: Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge (vegan variety).

Here is how you make Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge (vegan variety):

Puppy: I love peanut butter
Me: I know you do
Puppy: Can I have some?
Me: We’ll see
Pi: But no chocolate for you
Puppy: Of course not. Puppies can’t have chocolate. I’ll just have two peanut butters please
Me: We’ll see

First you read the ingredients. When you realize you don’t have all the ingredients you turn your puppy eyes (“My puppy eyes?” “No, Pi’s puppy eyes” “Oh. I thought I was in the story” “You are in the story. Just not this part of the story.” “But later?” “Absolutely.”) you turn your puppy eyes on your daddy and implore him to make a trip to the super market.

Once you have Ingredients, measure 1 ¾ Cups of dairy-free chocolate chips into a cup. You will only need 1 ½ cup, but this way there are plenty for snacking on until you get to that part. Note: You can find dairy-free chocolate chips. It’s just not easy.

Have the child measure 1 cup of vegan margarine and 1 cup of creamy peanut butter into a saucepan. (“And I watch.” “Yes, you watch very carefully.”) Whisk the margarine and the peanut butter over low heat until smooth. (“Still watching!!”)

Meanwhile, line an 8” pan with foil. Amaze child with the trick of molding it over the bottom so it fits on the inside.

Meanwhile, have the child get out the mixer. In retrospect, I don’t think a mixer is necessary at all, but we were (more or less) following the recipe since it was the first time we’d made it.

Measure 3 Cups of powdered sugar into the mixer bowl.

When the peanut butter and margarine are smooth (it doesn’t take very long), whisk in 1 teaspoon of vanilla. Make a note to add vanilla to the shopping list.

Pour the vanilla-peanut butter-margarine mixture over the powdered sugar. Hand mix until there is little risk of a powdered sugar cloud engulfing the entire kitchen. Then turn on the mixer to finish mixing. If you’re using the mixer. Otherwise, just stir. Press the yumminess into the pan.

Pi: This is really good
Puppy: Do I get to taste? Do I get to taste? What about me?
Me: Maybe later
Puppy: I like now better
Pi: Oops. Dropped a little piece
Puppy: I GOT IT! I GOT IT! YUM!!!

Melt 1 ½ Cups of dairy-free chocolate chips (see how nicely that worked out?) and ½ Cup of almond milk (or soy or rice) and whisk over low heat until it’s all melty and smooth. (“And I watch.”)

Remove from heat and mix into 1 ½ Cups of powdered sugar and 2 Tablespoons of cocoa powder. The original recipe says to use the mixer to do it. We decided a whisk would work just fine. (“And I watch.”) Decide the mixture needs to be whisked a bit more and hand the job over to the child. While she whisks, offer the measuring cup that had the peanut butter to the puppy. (“I knew it! I knew it! I love this!!!!! I am a good boy!!!”)

Pour the chocolate mixture on top of the peanut butter stuff. If you’re following the recipe, top with ½ Cup of chopped roasted peanuts. If you’re us, don’t.

Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.

Wonder how you ever lived without this fudge.

Then wonder why on earth you just ate fudge for breakfast.

Decide to ponder once the sugar shock wears off.

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see

• Puppy Conversations and Food Observations
• Spring Puppy Conversations
• New Puppy Conversations
• Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside
• Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid
• Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer
• Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness
• Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning
• Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?
• Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party
• Puppy Speaks Foreign Languages…Sort Of
• Summer Puppy Conversations | Speaking of Hope
• National Dog Day | Puppy Has His Say
• Puppy Conversations | Completely In Love with Tal
• The Puppy and The Cricket | Wildlife in the House
• October is National Adopt a Shelter Dog Month |Puppy Has an Announcement
• Puppy Tries to Talk His Way Out of a Bath

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mommy. We need to talk.
Me: We do?
Puppy: I heard you talking to Pi
Me: Yes?
Puppy: And you said that it was better to explain why she didn’t want to do something rather than just saying she didn’t want to
Me: Very true
Puppy: And to explain the good parts and the icky parts
Me: Still true
Puppy: So I made a list
Me: You what?
Puppy: Made a list
Me: Of?
Puppy: Why I don’t like baths
Me: I can hardly wait. Do tell.
Puppy: I like the cheese afterward. But I’m a big boy and I think I should get two pieces of cheese.
Me: One piece it is
Puppy: And I like when you tell me I’m a good doggy.
Me: You are a Most Excellent Beast
Puppy: I like snuggling. And I like when I get you wet and you squeak.
Me: I’m sure other people share your joy
Puppy: But I don’t like the water
Me: Hard to see how we’ll manage a bath without water
Puppy: I don’t like the shampoo. It’s cold.
Me: I am not going to microwave the shampoo
Puppy: And the linens. I don’t like having you wash my blankets
Me: Why not?
Puppy: Because then they smell CLEAN! And I don’t like it when you wash my tail.
Me: It’s a part that has to get washed
Puppy: No, I don’t think there are any parts that HAVE to get washed
Me: Don’t think we’re going to agree on that one
Puppy: I like it when you dry me, but you should do it faster. Much faster.
Me: So you can get to the cheese more quickly?
Puppy: The two pieces of cheese
Me: One
Puppy: So I think it would be better if we just snuggle and have cheese and skip the water and shampoo part
Me: You do
Puppy: Yes. I think that is an excellent idea
Me: It certainly is interesting
Puppy: Oh, good
Pi: Be carefully, fuzzy boy. In Mom World “interesting” doesn’t mean she agrees
Puppy: WHAT? That doesn’t seem right
Pi: Trust me
Me: Have you finished telling me the list?
Puppy: Why?
Me: It’s bath time
Puppy: I’m pretty sure I have to take a nap. I have to chew a toy. I have somewhere to be
Me: That “somewhere” is your bath
Puppy: Maybe we should review the list again
Me: Sure. We can discuss it while you’re in the bath
Puppy: But no water and no shampoo, right?
Me: No water and no shampoo until it’s time for water and shampoo
Puppy: I don’t like baths. I am not a water dog
Me: But very soon you will be a clean dog
Puppy: This conversation worked out much better in my head
Me: I love you too, sweetie. You are a Most Excellent Beast
Puppy: I am a good boy
Me: You are. Please lift your paw so I can wash it

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning, Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?, Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party, Puppy Speaks Foreign Languages…Sort Of, Summer Puppy Conversations | Speaking of Hope, National Dog Day | Puppy Has His Say, Puppy Conversations | Completely In Love with Tal, The Puppy and The Cricket | Wildlife in the House, and October is National Adopt a Shelter Dog Month |Puppy Has an Announcement

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Iz Beautiful day
Me: Why are you talking with a Russian accent?
Puppy: Iz Talking Wiz Russian Accent Day
Me: Have you ever heard anyone talk with a Russian accent?
Puppy: Iz why iz very Bad Russian Accent
Me: I see
Puppy: I will have Borscht
Me: You will not
Puppy: To the Gulag with you

Puppy: Iz Beautiful day
Me: Why are you talking with a Russian accent?
Puppy: Iz Not beautiful day?
Me: Do you even know where Russia is?
Puppy: Da!
Me: Can you tell me?
Puppy: Iz where everyone speak with Russian accent! (Silly mommy)

Me: Why have you been speaking in a Russian accent?
Puppy: Iz to practice
Me: Practice what?
Puppy: Russian!
Me: But people in Russia speak Russian, they don’t speak English with a Russian accent
Puppy: But when talking to me, iz speaking with Russian accent
Me: But you’re here, not there
Puppy: Iz why to practice!

Me: Why are you practicing Russian?
Puppy: For Olympics
Me: Baby, the Sochi Olympics are over.
Puppy: For next Olympics. Da!
Me: The next Olympics are in Brazil
Puppy: Don’t be silly. The World Cup is in Brazil, not the Olympics
Me: The Summer Olympics next year will be in Brazil
Puppy: But I don’t speak Brazilian
Me: Neither do they. They speak Portuguese in Brazil
Puppy: I want a hot dog.

Puppy: How can they not speak Brazilian in Brazil?
Me: They just don’t
Puppy: Where do they speak Brazilian?
Me: Nowhere. Brazilian isn’t a language
Puppy: Doesn’t that confuse the Brazilians?
Me: They seem to manage

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning, Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name? and  Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party