Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mommy. We need to talk.
Me: We do?
Puppy: I heard you talking to Pi
Me: Yes?
Puppy: And you said that it was better to explain why she didn’t want to do something rather than just saying she didn’t want to
Me: Very true
Puppy: And to explain the good parts and the icky parts
Me: Still true
Puppy: So I made a list
Me: You what?
Puppy: Made a list
Me: Of?
Puppy: Why I don’t like baths
Me: I can hardly wait. Do tell.
Puppy: I like the cheese afterward. But I’m a big boy and I think I should get two pieces of cheese.
Me: One piece it is
Puppy: And I like when you tell me I’m a good doggy.
Me: You are a Most Excellent Beast
Puppy: I like snuggling. And I like when I get you wet and you squeak.
Me: I’m sure other people share your joy
Puppy: But I don’t like the water
Me: Hard to see how we’ll manage a bath without water
Puppy: I don’t like the shampoo. It’s cold.
Me: I am not going to microwave the shampoo
Puppy: And the linens. I don’t like having you wash my blankets
Me: Why not?
Puppy: Because then they smell CLEAN! And I don’t like it when you wash my tail.
Me: It’s a part that has to get washed
Puppy: No, I don’t think there are any parts that HAVE to get washed
Me: Don’t think we’re going to agree on that one
Puppy: I like it when you dry me, but you should do it faster. Much faster.
Me: So you can get to the cheese more quickly?
Puppy: The two pieces of cheese
Me: One
Puppy: So I think it would be better if we just snuggle and have cheese and skip the water and shampoo part
Me: You do
Puppy: Yes. I think that is an excellent idea
Me: It certainly is interesting
Puppy: Oh, good
Pi: Be carefully, fuzzy boy. In Mom World “interesting” doesn’t mean she agrees
Puppy: WHAT? That doesn’t seem right
Pi: Trust me
Me: Have you finished telling me the list?
Puppy: Why?
Me: It’s bath time
Puppy: I’m pretty sure I have to take a nap. I have to chew a toy. I have somewhere to be
Me: That “somewhere” is your bath
Puppy: Maybe we should review the list again
Me: Sure. We can discuss it while you’re in the bath
Puppy: But no water and no shampoo, right?
Me: No water and no shampoo until it’s time for water and shampoo
Puppy: I don’t like baths. I am not a water dog
Me: But very soon you will be a clean dog
Puppy: This conversation worked out much better in my head
Me: I love you too, sweetie. You are a Most Excellent Beast
Puppy: I am a good boy
Me: You are. Please lift your paw so I can wash it

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning, Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?, Puppy Conversations | Puppy Plans a Party, Puppy Speaks Foreign Languages…Sort Of, Summer Puppy Conversations | Speaking of Hope, National Dog Day | Puppy Has His Say, Puppy Conversations | Completely In Love with Tal, The Puppy and The Cricket | Wildlife in the House, and October is National Adopt a Shelter Dog Month |Puppy Has an Announcement

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mom?
Me: Yes, baby?
Puppy: The Kid is coming home soon, right?
Me: Monday
Puppy: What’s a Monday?
Me: Soon
Puppy: Right. So I think we should celebrate
Me: Do you?
Puppy: Yes
Me: How do you propose we celebrate?
Puppy: With treats
Me: What sort of treats?
Puppy: Special treats
Me: Any particular sort of special treats?
Puppy: Carrots and peanut butter and bananas. And cheese.
Me: I see you’ve thought about this
Puppy: Yes
Me: Should I assume you’re offering to help eat the treats?
Puppy: Well, I AM part of the family
Me: I’ll think about it
Puppy: That means “no” doesn’t it?
Me: In this particular case, that means “no”
Puppy: (sigh)
Me: But maybe we can find you a piece of a carrot later
Puppy: That would be fan-TAS-tic!!!

Can’t wait to see you.

Puppy: Me too!

Love, Mom

For more puppy conversations see Puppy Conversations and Food Observations, Spring Puppy Conversations, New Puppy Conversations, Winter WonderPuppy | Baby It’s Cold Outside, Puppy Conversations Translated for the College Kid, Puppy Conversations and FIFA World Cup Soccer, Puppy Conversations and the Joy of Quirkiness, Puppy Conversations| In the Beginning, and Puppy Conversations | What’s In a Name?

Dear Kid,

It’s that time of year again. The time we like to call Winter.

Somehow this comes as a surprise to Booker every year. This year, I recorded some of the more interesting conversations he and I have had on our early morning walks.

Puppy: Mom, come smell this!
Me: No thank you
Puppy: You should really come smell this!
Me: No, moms don’t sniff things on the ground
Puppy: Ok, I’ll roll in it and you can sniff me!
Me: Booker!

Puppy: It’s really cold
Me: yup. hurry up
Puppy: I can’t hurry. It’s really cold.
Me: it’s warm inside.
Puppy: it’s too cold to walk home.

Puppy: Where’s the grass?
Me: Under the snow
Puppy: but puppies use grass
Me: today puppies use snow
Puppy: WHAT? that stuff’s cold
Me: it won’t get any warmer while you complain
Puppy: (this is just wrong)

Puppy: We should go outside
Me: It’s cold. You won’t be happy.
Puppy: We should go outside
Me: It’s really, really cold. You won’t be happy
Puppy: !!! Outside, Outside, Outside! This is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me!!!!
Me: Hold on, I’m getting my coat and gloves
Puppy: hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry
Me: OK. Out we go
Puppy: I’m cold. Let’s go inside

Puppy: I have snow in my toes.
Me: that’s what happens when you walk in the snow.
Puppy: it’s cold.
Me: Snow generally is.
Puppy: I have snow in my toes.
Me: would you like me to wipe off your paws?
Puppy: yes please. This one too.
Me: better?
Puppy: oh, yes… Let’s go sniff THAT snow.

Puppy: My feet are cold.
Me: We still have to walk home.
Puppy: But my feet are cold. I think I’ll shiver and look pathetic right here

Puppy: I have snow on my nose.
Me: That’s usually what happens when you stick your snout in the snow
Puppy: It tickles…and it tastes cold when I lick it off

Puppy: The ground moved!
Me: You slipped on the ice
Puppy: The ground isn’t supposed to move!
Me: It didn’t. You slipped on some ice
Puppy (affronted): somebody should fix that ground

Puppy: There is bad stuff in my toes
Me: It might be the stuff they put down to melt the snow
Puppy: I don’t like it
Me: Would you like me to wipe off your paws?
Puppy: Yes, please. You have warm hands
Me: Not any more

Puppy: Did you know you can smell through the snow?
Me: I was not aware of that
Puppy: Come here, I’ll show you
Me: No thank you
Puppy: Right here, it’s easy
Me: Mom’s don’t sniff through the snow
Puppy: How about right here?
Me: Haven’t we had this conversation before?
Puppy: All this sniffing would go a lot faster if you would help

Me: Didn’t you just sniff that spot?
Puppy: Yup
Me: Any particular reason you’re sniffing it again?
Puppy: You never know what might have happened in the last minute
Me: Fair enough

Puppy: Mom?
Me: Yes baby?
Puppy: I love you
Me: I love you too, sweetie
Puppy: I’m still cold
Me: I know. Ready to go home?
Puppy: Soon. I just need to finish sniffing

Love, Mom