Posts Tagged "computer"

Dad Did What??

Dear Kid,

If you’ve ever thought about buying a Lottery ticket today might be the day. Because the unthinkable, the unimaginable has happened.

Rarer than a Royal Flush, more unlikely than a calorie-free brownie, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Wait, that’s different.

Back to our story. Your father, the man who is reluctant to part with garbage, the man who wears t-shirts until they are 90% holes, laid his laptop to rest and bought a new computer.

Dad's old computer was slightly (but not much) more powerful than this one.

He didn’t have much choice. He somehow managed to download a corrupted file. This wouldn’t have been the World’s Biggest Problem except that the computer in question was prehistoric (at best) which meant that none (emphasis on Not Any) of the software on his machine was still being supported.

Actual message: We’re sorry, but the program you are trying to access is outdated and no longer supported. You are the only person on the planet still trying to use this program. This makes you a technical dinosaur. Get a new machine.

At first, Dad challenged The Message. He was determined to cleanse his computer and continuing using his antediluvian machine. He researched. He investigated. He went to Microcenter and beseeched them to resuscitate his laptop. No matter how hard he begged, they laughed harder.

Finally, after suffering Severe Email Withdrawal, Dad caved and bought a new laptop.

He and the New Laptop are getting to know each other. They are more stuck with each other than working like a well-synchronized team. Because the operating system is, um, modern, Dad is having to figure out where things are and what the new capabilities are. This is – not surprisingly – leading to frustrations and inefficiencies. Which leads to more inefficiencies and frustrations.

Be that as it may be, Dad actually has a laptop that was manufactured in this millennium!

Which means it’s Lottery ticket day.

Love, Mom

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Update on My Friend the Internet

Dear Kid,

This is what it looks like when there is no internet. You do NOT want to know what I look like when there is no internet.

By today’s standards, my little computer is ginormous. When I bought it, it was a cute little thing.

Today’s blog is being brought to you by a 4,000 year old computer.

Yesterday, as I was driving you back to school, Dad was kind enough to take my laptop to The People Who Know About These Things. (I assume you remember that I “upgraded” [ha!] to Windows 10 and  immediately lost all ability to connect to the internet. If you don’t remember, read about it here.)

The People Who Know About These Things knew all about the joys of Windows 10 and mentioned that people have been having difficulty with internet connections when they upgrade.

Where were those people when I was triple checking that it was safe to upgrade??? Clearly I should have quadruple checked, but you can’t have everything.

Techno-dude took the laptop’s blood pressure and checked other vital signs, plugged in a thumb drive thingy, whispered sweet ones and zeros and managed to connect. Yippee!

But by the time Dad and the laptop got home, the laptop turned pissy again and refused to cooperate.

Which means I still cannot connect to My Friend the Internet.

I may be good at killing technology, but I don’t like being defeated. So I pulled out my little I-can-write-blogs-anywhere computer which is over 100 years old and slower than mud. Thick mud. Frozen thick mud. That hasn’t moved in a century.

By today’s standards, my little computer is ginormous. When I bought it, it was a cute little thing.

By today’s standards, my little computer is slow. When I bought it, it was slow. But cute. And conveniently light.

Mostly what it does best is inform me that it is Not Responding.

It’s had a lot of practice saying that. Which means I’ve had a lot of practice being patient. And if you’re wondering how well that worked out, let’s just say I continue to need practice.

Love, Mom

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Why the World Has Come to a Screeching Halt | Windows 10

Dear Kid,

That horrible, eardrum shattering, twisted metal, nails on a chalkboard screech you just heard was the world shuttering to a halt.

This is what it looks like when there is no internet. You do NOT want to know what I look like when there is no internet. DearKidLoveMom.comIt is not a good day. Do not buy a Lottery ticket, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, do not even think about unicorns with rainbow poop.

I cannot connect to the internet. (For the record, I am posting this from Dad’s computer.)

Last night, I upgraded to Windows 10.

Just to be clear, I know that Technology and I do not exactly have the greatest of all relationships. I know that I am capable of shutting down HAL-sized machines just by being part of the same universe. And I know that one does not instantly run out and adopt the latest and greatest new operating system; one waits for the bugs to be discovered and corrected. Especially if One is Me.

I did not try to adopt Windows 10 the instant it was offered. I waited patiently. (No, seriously, I was patient. It was not a matter of Great Interest to me.) I watched others, I read reviews, I talked to Knowledgeable People, and mostly I waited.

When the aforementioned Knowledgeable People indicated the coast was clear, the bugs were zapped, and the upgrade was safe, I still waited.

Finally, last night I thought, What the heck.

Let me tell you, what-the-heck.

Not only does the upgrade take about 17 hours (during which I made soup, cleaned out three cabinets, and watched reruns of Burn Notice), it requires you to shut down and restart several many times.

No problem. Burn Notice.

But then—and this, my dear child is where things went Oh, So Terribly Wrong—my lovely, darling sweet computer turned into a stubborn hunk of metal.

It simply refused to connect to the internet.

At all.

Shut down. Restart.

Same refusal.

Click all the Let-Me-Help-You buttons. They require an internet connection. ARRRRG!

Twelve hours later, I have not resolved the problem.

I am not, just in case you were confused about the matter, a happy camper.

Love, Mom

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Self-Driving Buses | Say What?

Dear Kid,

Have you heard about real-life auto-driven buses? Yep. Happening in Switzerland. About to happen, anyway.

The wheels on the bus go round and round... DearKidLoveMom.comLaunching next spring, a small fleet (and by small, I mean 9) of buses will take to the streets in part of the city of Soin. The buses work just like regular buses—minus the driver. Which may seem like a problem to some of us, but the bus people feel it will be just fine.

The public transportation company there is called CarPostal, giving new meaning to “mail it in.” (Yeah, I know it’s really “phone it in” but I couldn’t make that work.) The buses are adorable (although not made out of chocolate—which should cut down on people licking the cushions).

Turns out four U.S. states have granted “autonomous driving permits”. Who knew? I don’t think there are any self-driving cars yet, but the concept is most wonderful.

I’d be delighted to have a happy little computer drive me around. I’m already taking suggestions for what to name it. Thoughts?

Love, Mom


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It’s Take Your Pants for a Walk Day (Yes, Really — Here’s What You Need to Know)

Dear Kid,

Take Your Pants for a Walk Day. DearKidLoveMom.comToday is – wait for it – Take Your Pants for a Walk Day.

Yep, there is a Day for taking your Pants for a Walk, and it’s July 27th.

This is (of course) ridiculous.

Because it is about a thousand degrees outside today. So people who are going for walks are (mostly) wearing shorts.

Also, this could be seen as discrimination against skirts.

But the point is, how does one actually take pants for a walk? When we take the Puppy for a walk there is a leash involved. Do you have to put a leash (or at least a belt) on your pants? Or can you assume they’ll just go with you?

Do you have to be wearing the pants? Are you supposed to take ALL of your pants at once? Or do you take them sequentially? Or is taking one pair of pants symbolically sufficient?

There are a lot of unanswered questions here.

The e-card business is all kinds of excited about celebrating Take Your Pants for a Walk Day. But I’m not sure who you’re supposed to send the cards to exactly. Maybe I have stupid pants, because none of them know how to read. And they’d have to borrow my computer to read an e-card, so that seems a little silly.

Bottom line: Take yourself for a walk, because why not? If you want to take your pants with you, have a good time. If you want to leave your pants at home, that’s fine as long as you find another way to cover all the important bits.

Happy Take Your Pants for a Walk Day.

Love, Mom

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