Dear Kid,

It is Monday.

Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish. ~Author Unknown

And somehow (as you probably know) Monday mornings arrive earlier than mornings any other day of the week.

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee. ~Stephanie Piro

I don’t know why Mondays insist on being early.

In Seattle you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running. ~Jeff Bezos

I practically leap out of bed at the same time on weekends and feel like I’ve wasted half the day. Some weekend days it’s the same time.

And occasionally I leap. But not very often.

Herbal tea tastes so much better when it’s coffee. ~Author Unknown

The point is Mondays arrive on their own slightly sadistic schedule. Without the possibility of turning over and going back to sleep for a few hours.

Déjà Brew: The feeling that you’ve had this coffee before. ~Author Unknown

I really must teach the Dust Dragons to brew coffee. At least the first cup of the day. If they’re going to live here, they really should earn their keep. Mostly it seems they’re lazier than I am.

Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning. ~Author Unknown

Meanwhile, I have a date with a K-cup.

Happy Monday.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

More than once, I have commented on the permanency and dangers of the internet (seriously – not erasable – no do-overs!).

More than once, I have commented on the joys and importance of coffee (seriously – pre-coffee conversation is risky at best).

Never before however have I felt the need to expose the steamy underside of the coffee world. (Get it? Steamy?)

The coffee cup world to be more precise.

Last night, I went to a meetup. It was the fabulous Cincinnati blogger meetup (yes, I’m a Geek). We gather about once a month to marvel over the joys of bloggership and learn fantastic geeky new tricks that mostly we never use.

Susan, our Hostess with the Mostest, provides snacks and beverages (adult and otherwise). Yay, Susan!

The phrase “Hostess with the Mostest” is originally from the show Call Me Madam and may (or may not) refer to Perle Mesta.

“Might there still be coffee in that carafe?” I asked, pointing.

“Possibly,” she said making a face, “but I doubt it’s still hot. You can microwave it.” And then, “the mugs are in the cabinet over your head…no, to the right…there you go. Just grab one.”

So I did and filled said mug.

The coffee was (surprisingly) warm and I drank it (unsurprisingly) happily.

After a minute, Susan looked over and started to giggle.

I was pretty sure I hadn’t (yet) spilled coffee on myself so I looked up questioningly.

“Um, I hate to tell you,” she said, “but there’s something on the bottom of your cup.”

“Huh?” I asked insightfully thinking to myself ‘I’m pretty sure I haven’t put the mug down in the cake frosting (yet).’

I lifted the mug to look.

Uh-huh.

I’m having a moment.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s National Napping Day!

Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

OK, it’s not. It’s Fatigue Syndrome Day.

Not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which is a real and significant disorder and should be treated by medical professionals.

Just Fatigue.

As in, eyelids shut. As in, head nodding during class. As in, I’ve been staring at the screen long enough and it is time for some zzzzz.

Life is something that happens when you can’t get to sleep. ~Fran Lebowitz

It’s not easy getting enough sleep when you’re in college.

Heck, it’s not easy getting enough sleep when you’re not in college. (My wonderful purple Fitbit is kind enough to remind me daily.)

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one. ~Leo J. Burke

According to My Friend the Internet, there is a good bit of evidence showing that we don’t know how to sleep correctly. Which is weird since it’s one of those things we’ve been doing since birth.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. ~Author unknown

Turns out that we were better at sleeping before electricity interrupted things.

B.E. (before electricity), people would go to sleep shortly after sundown for their first sleep. They’d get up for a while in the middle of the night (probably to check the chickens) and then settle down for their second sleep.

Unless they lived some place hot, in which case they only tossed and turned in the heat and then took a long siesta to make up for the lack of sleep.

Sleep is a symptom of caffeine deprivation. ~Author Unknown

For those of us that are required to jump leap slither out of bed each morning in order to go to work, caffeine is a friend. An important friend. An enabler.

Happy Good Morning.

The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. ~Author Unknown

I don’t know what that makes Thursday morning. We can talk about it after my nap.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s April 30^th.

Which means it’s National Hairstyle Appreciation Day. And National Honesty Day. And rainy and humid.

Which means if we’re really going to “honor” today, we’d have to go around telling people how much we love their horrible hairdo.

Personally, I suggest skipping the talking and moving straight to the balloons and cookies.

There are balloons and cookies aren’t there?

If you’re feeling excessively festive, we can throw in a quick salute to National Karaoke Week and National Welder’s Month.

In other celebratory news, do you know what happens when you overfill the single-serve coffee maker? Yep. You have the wonderful opportunity of cleaning up the kitchen counter. In completely unrelated news, our kitchen counters are looking exceptionally clean at the moment.

Have a great day, kiddo. Try to stay dry in all the rain and drizzle and try not to give yourself unplanned reasons to clean.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

So there we were, sitting at the table last night when you leaned over to whisper in my ear about biting your thumb at whatever was going on.

This was Most Excellent for a number of reasons.

First (and most importantly) it meant that you were close enough to whisper in my ear, which means YOU’RE HOME! This is a Wonderful State of the World.

Secondly, it meant that you remember some Shakespeare which means you are Retaining Education! This is much more impressive and much more difficult than retaining water. Or being a retaining wall. But generally less lucrative than being on retainer and possibly more comfortable than wearing a retainer.

Gotta love those four cups of wine (thank you JJ for bringing the wine) and writing at 1am.

Although you’re a college student. Writing at 1am is pretty much required when you’re in school, isn’t it?

The point I am wandering around (for 40 years in very dry writing) to make is: We are delighted you’re home for the weekend

And

Coincidentally, today is the anniversary of Shakespeare’s death. Google even doodled about it.

Coffee. I need more coffee.

Love, Mom