Posts Tagged "clean"

You Want Me to Purchase What for the College Kid?

Dear Kid,

Speaking of things that aren’t going to happen, we got mail today addressed to The Parents Of:

In this particular case it was addressed tTPO your sister, but that’s not really the relevant part. It could have been to tTPO any college kid.

Laundry in college is .... well, there's a lot of info to share. DearKidLoveMom.comIt was from – wait for it – the University’s residence halls association offering – wait for it – laundry service.

Yes, for a mere billion dollars, they will pick up, check pockets, pretreat, sort, wash, dry, fold (meticulously), package, and delivery laundry.

Wait, they fold meticulously, but nothing else meticulously?

And, get this, they “check each load for complete drying.” Gee, I thought they’d deliver soggy laundry.

They match socks and fold in pairs. (That’s different from folding meticulously.) I’m almost tempted to sign Pi up just to see how they handle someone who never wears matching socks.

In my opinion, college kids should be able to do their own laundry. It’s part of the experience. It’s a life skill. If you’re in the dorm, the washers are handy.

I suppose there are circumstances under which a kid couldn’t do laundry. But the scenarios I’m imagining involve things a lot more serious than dirty jeans.

Then there’s the cost. There are a variety of plans depending on how much laundry you plan to have, and they range from Expensive to You Can Buy Your Own Washer-Dryer For That Much! I know.

Laughing all the way to the recycle bin.

Love, Mom

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Virtual Cleaning | Why You Need It in Your Life

Dear Kid,

I’ve decided this is the Summer of Cleaning, not to be confused with the Fall of Cleaning, the Winter of Cleaning, the Moment of Cleaning, Spring Cleaning, the Ultimate Month of Cleaning, or my twice annual teeth cleaning (all of which were colossal failures except the dental visits).

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. ~Erma Bombeck

But Dad and I have decided to methodically tackle some of the worst parts of the house. We’re determined to at least slow the territorial expansion of the Dust Dragons.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. ~Phyllis Diller

My original idea was to somehow figure out how to get the house clean while I was sleeping (think Roomba on steroids) but I don’t know how to invent that and I have yet to figure out how to get elves to do the work.

It would be great if you and Pi were going to be here to help with the Great Clean Out, but since you’re going to be away most of the summer, I’ve invented a new protocol: Virtual Cleaning.

I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on. ~Roseanne Barr

Here’s how Virtual Cleaning works (I tried it yesterday). When I come across something I have questions about I take a photo, send it to the child in question, and request a disposition decision.

Yesterday, Dad and I donned hazmat gear and attacked the laundry room.

I now know why this room is often referred to as a mud room.

Text to Pi: Three pairs of boots. Which ones stay?
Text reply: Black ones stay. Dots dead.

And with that, the black boots went to the garbage. Easy peasy, or at least that’s what I thought.

Virtual Cleaning (It's better in Virtual Reality). DearKidLoveMom.comMy idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. ~Erma Bombeck

Me: These go in the garbage.
Dad: But we might be able to use them for something.
Me: We can use them to keep the garbage collectors employed for another week.
Dad: We can’t throw them away!
Me: We can.
Dad: Someone can wear them.
Me: They’re too small for anyone here.
Dad: We can give them to Goodwill.
Me: They have huge holes.
Dad: We can fix them!
Me: Garbage!
Puppy: Did you say we can go for a walk?

See how easy this is going to be?

Love, Mom

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Ordinary Sunday Recap

Dear Kid,

Can someone teach me how to make medium hard boiled eggs? DearKidLoveMom.comWell, the To Do is still staring me in the face and the elves haven’t shown up to help get any of the work done. One of these days I am going to find good, hardworking, loyal elves and I will have a clean house and finished tasks. Until then, I have a house and unfinished tasks.

Dad and I spent part of this morning cleaning in the kitchen. Yesterday, he and I went to a home remodeling show where we saw lots of things we like and pretty much nothing we can afford. Shocker, I know. We decided cleaning the kitchen would be an excellent place to start. We managed to get the center island clean and the dishes in the sink dealt with before we lost steam and interest.

The good news is that we lost steam and interest at about the same time so neither of us is annoyed with the other about not cleaning any more.

The bad news is that we lost steam and interest at about the same time so neither of us is still cleaning even though there is a great deal more to do.


I’m giving away a giant hug to anyone who can teach me how to make perfect medium boiled eggs—every time. I keep having the problem of the white sticking to the shell so that I end up with only half an egg. Life is tough.

Love, Mom

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Big Celebrations Tomorrow (It’s OK to Start Early)

Dear Kid,

Happy Recycling! DearKidLoveMom.comTomorrow is a big day. It’s Clean Your Refrigerator Day and America Recycles Day.

One would hope there’s not too much recycling of the things you manage to clean out of your refrigerator.

I don’t know if we’ll get around to celebrating Clean Your Refrigerator Day. The frig needs it, that’s for sure. It’s been sending out mysterious sticky spots as invitations, but so far nothing seems to have developed limbs, so I’m guessing we can put it off a week or two if we have to. On the other hand, given everything we went through to get the darn thing, you’d think we might clean it up occasionally.

As far as recycling goes, I can’t decide if I think having a Day dedicated is good or not. On the one hand anything that promotes recycling is Good. On the other hand, needing a Day for something we should be doing all the time is frustrating.

I don’t think we have a Day dedicated to garbage; as a society, we’re pretty good at throwing things away, so we don’t need a capital “D” Day to remember to do it.

Not so much with recycling.

Which is too bad.

So tell everyone to take their cans and paper and cardboard and other recyclables and keep them out of a landfill.

At least for one day.

Who knows? It might start a habit.

Love, Mom


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What Happened to All The Sleep?

Dear Kid,

There’s this thing that’s supposed to happen in the middle of the night. It’s called sleep. And it’s eluding me. Apparently that last cup of Starbucks wasn’t exactly the right idea this afternoon.

At least someone is getting some sleep... DearKidLoveMom.comSo I am awake. Awake and unproductive. Because there are things one is not supposed to do in the middle of the night. Those things are: Everything That Isn’t Sleeping.

Theoretically speaking, I could clean up in the kitchen. But not only is that Not Sleeping, it would involve a dangerous (and by “dangerous” I mean loud) chain of events. I’d (sort of) like to clean up the counter. But that would involve cleaning up the sink. And that would be loud. And it would involve emptying the dishwasher. And that would be loud. And it might involve stubbing a toe, and that would most definitely be loud.

By then I’d have a woken up the entire household. Do you know what’s worse than me being awake in the middle of the night? The entire household being awake in the middle of the night. And do you know what’s worse than the entire household being awake in the middle of the night? The entire household being awake and cranky in the middle of the night. And I’m darn sure we’d have cranky people if my cleaning wakes them.

Besides, I have to be up really early.  Why are you keeping me awake, child? Let your cranky mother get some much deserved sleep. The elves can do the dishes later.

There is very little logic in my life at this hour of the day night.

Love, Mom

I just re-read the part about me cleaning. In the middle of the night. I am hilarious.

Don’t forget to share It’s a great way to start your weekend.

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