Dear Kid,

College is a time of change.

Life is a time of change, but college is a time of ultra-change.

Sometimes change can be exciting, a time of moving forward, tasting new experiences, refining who you are.

Sometimes change can be sad, a sense of loss, an emptiness when a friend or activity vanishes.

Sometimes change can feel somewhat defeating. Sometimes change can feel overwhelming. Sometimes change can feel like failure.

Changing your mind can be hard. Changing your major, changing your friendships, changing your goals can be freeing—or paralyzing. (Or sometimes both at the same time.)

But change and failure are not the same.

Failure is only failure if you allow it to defeat you. If you crawl under a rock and refuse to come out. It does not need to be permanent. It does not need to be anything other than a first try. Or a second. Or a third.

As an (extremely) wise man once said, “Change is not always better, but better is always a change.”

Change is just different. In college, you get to think of change as trying something new. Hopefully, you get to carry that perspective with you your entire life.

FAIL–First Attempt In Learning.

END–Effort Never Dies.

Keep going. Keep trying. Keep changing when you need to or want to. Keep meeting new people and tasting new foods. Keep true to yourself while stretching your wings. Keep in touch.

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s National Blood Pressure Month.

Unfortunately, it’s also soccer season and hockey playoffs which means your father will not be participating in National Blood Pressure Month in the normal keep-your-blood-pressure down tradition.

It’s also National Barbecue Month and National Hamburger Month and National Salad Month.

I’m not sure these things are as well coordinated as they might be.

In other news, Starbucks has a new mini Frappuccino (only 4 billion calories of caffeinated brain freeze) and McDonald’s is serving kale at select locations.

Yep, you heard me. Mickey D is serving kale.

(I’ll give you a moment for that to settle in.)

The golden arches is testing kale in breakfast bowl. In Southern California. Because everyone goes to McD thinking “Hmmm….Egg McMuffin or Quinoa and Kale?”

Except for the alliteration (which I like a lot) the idea of Quinoa and Kale at McDonald’s does nothing for me. I take that back—it makes me slightly queasy, but other than that, nothing.

In case you’re in a betting sort of mood, you can be safe in betting that Girlfriendology and I will not be hopping a plane to Southern California to test the new food offering.

Enjoy lots of new taste and try lots of new things on your trip. (You are not required to try fast food kale if you don’t want to.)

Love, Mom

Dear Kid,

It’s official. The Year is Gone—Long Live 2014.

I have mixed feelings about New Year’s as a celebration. I love the optimism of the birth of a new year. I love the chance to say I can wipe the slate clean and become the person I really want to be. I love the opportunity to think about the changes I want to make. And the appetizers are generally really good.

On the other hand, I’m not sure that there is anything particularly magical about January 1^st (with the exception of Cousin Steven’s Birthday which is always magical). We have the ability to take stock any day of the year, to make lasting change regardless of the date on the calendar. Statistics show that most people don’t keep their new year’s resolutions more than 3 days and 42 seconds (yet they spend 3 weeks writing their resolutions). If we know that, why do we insist on drafting resolutions every year, on making promises to ourselves that we have no real intention of keeping?

Because we really do want to make change. We really do strive to be better. We truly want to lose 10 pounds, go to the gym every day, get started hunting for a summer job, do our chores on time, get better grades. And January 1 gives us a minute to take a deep breath, list out those intentions and make a real start. Even if we didn’t make it to Day 4 last year, we have the chance to do better this year.

Studies have proven that trying to make a zillion changes at once is generally not successful. People are more likely to make real change (that lasts longer than 259,242 seconds) by making small, incremental changes rather than trying to revamp their entire existence.

So think about who you want to be and what you want to achieve in 2014. Make plans to take manageable, incremental steps to reach those goals, and go for it. Be the best you possible in this new year.

Wishing you a wonderful, happy, and healthy 2014.

Love, Mom

As a birthday present for Cousin Steven, you might want to sign up to have DearKidLoveMom delivered right to your email. Or Like us on Facebook. Or both! I’m sure he’ll appreciate it. I can also appreciate it for him (because his teeth are rather new. Extra points if you get the reference).

Binker by A. A. Milne

Binker-what I call him-is a secret of my own,
And Binker is the reason why I never feel alone.
Playing in the nursery, sitting on the stair,
Whatever I am busy at, Binker will be there.

Oh, Daddy is clever, he’s a clever sort of man,
And Mummy is the best since the world began,
And Nanny is Nanny, and I call her Nan-

But they can’t See Binker.

Binker’s always talking, ‘cos I’m teaching him to speak
He sometimes likes to do it in a funny sort of squeak,
And he sometimes likes to do it in a hoodling sort of roar…
And I have to do it for him ‘cos his throat is rather sore.

Oh, Daddy is clever, he’s a clever sort of man,
And Mummy knows all that anybody can,
And Nanny is Nanny, and I call her Nan-

But they don’t Know Binker.

Binker’s brave as lions when we’re running in the park;
Binker’s brave as tigers when we’re lying in the dark;
Binker’s brave as elephants. He never, never cries…
Except (like other people) when the soap gets in his eyes.

Oh, Daddy is Daddy, he’s a Daddy sort of man,
And Mummy is as Mummy as anybody can,
And Nanny is Nanny, I call her Nan…

But they’re not like Binker.

Binker isn’t greedy, but he does like things to eat,
So I have to say to people when they’re giving me a sweet,
“Oh, Binker wants a chocolate, so could you give me two?”
And then I eat it for him, cos his teeth are rather new.

Well, I’m very fond of Daddy, but he hasn’t time to play,
And I’m very fond of Mummy, but she sometimes goes away,
And I’m often cross with Nanny when she wants to brush my hair…

But Binker’s always Binker, and is certain to be there.

Dear Kid,

There are 525,600 minutes in a year (most of the time anyway). Some minutes seem longer than others, but we all get the same general allotment.

2013 has been a year full of change for you: turning 18 and being legal, graduating from high school, starting college, joining the crew team (I didn’t predict that one), finishing your first semester of OU (OU, Oh Yeah), and possibly several other things I don’t need to know about.

News flash: 2014 will be full of change too.

Not that I know of any particular event(s) waiting in the wings to pounce (my ESP is lousy), but college is a time full of new and interesting experiences. The world is generally full of change but somehow college intensifies the “changiness”. Or maybe it just compresses a lot of change into a short time. Or focuses the changes around you. Or all of the above.

You can’t necessarily predict the changes and you can only control some of the changes, but you can always control your reaction and response to change.

Many people will spend a great deal of time writing New Year’s Resolutions (crowded gym for the first few weeks of January anyone?). Resolutions are (imho) a fine thing, but crazy difficult to stick to for most of us. Maybe we should add to our list being able to face change with grace and kindness. Not that that one will be easy to stick to all the time, but it’s probably worth the effort.

My wish for you is that all the changes you encounter are (in some way, shape, or form) positive ones.

Happy almost 2014!

Love, Mom

Need an idea for a new year’s resolution? Why not resolve to read DearKidLoveMom every day? Just sign up to have the posts delivered straight to your email box. (It’s painless, I promise.) Just add your email to the box in the top right corner and click the “Heck yeah, sign me up” button.

Dear Kid,

“I can’t change that.”

We were discussing a Third Person and how the Third Person reacted to certain behaviors of the Second Person (you may assume that I am the First Person in this story). In a nutshell (or other teeny tiny container if you prefer), the Second Person was not really happy with the reactions of the Third Person. I suggested perhaps the Second Person recognize that his (or her) actions were the cause.

The Second Person did not want to even contemplate this possibility. After I gently suggested (and by “gently suggested” I mean “bashed over the head verbally”) that the Second Person was causing these behaviors, Second Person said, “Well, I can’t change that” in the most dismissive tone I’d heard in a long time.

Um, yes, you really can. You may choose not to, but that’s different. It would mean doing things differently, recognizing that not everything you’ve done in the past is perfect, and that – just perhaps – you are not the center of the universe.

That’s what I wanted to say. In an act of Surprising Restraint I said absolutely nothing. Had you been there, you might have noticed an eyelash twitch in a slightly unnatural way or a microscopic lift of an eyebrow indicating I thought Second Person was (how do I put this?) wrong. Fortunately for me, Second Person is not nearly adept at reading my facial expressions as you are and just plowed on through the conversation.

For the record, you are not related to either the Second or Third Person in this story.

Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.  ~Robert C. Gallagher

Some people say we can do anything we put our mind to. To those people I say, “Really? Anything? How are you at controlling the weather?” Then those people prove that one of the things they can do is karate and I end up in a little pile on the ground.

In fact, there are things we can’t do. I can’t reach stuff on high shelves without climbing on a chair or stepstool (and possibly falling off); my shortness of stature makes it a physical impossibility. I can’t be 18 again. (I was once, believe it or not). But the list of things we truly CAN’T do is pretty darn short (yeah, yeah, height joke, I get it). Generally, when we say “I can’t” we mean “I don’t want to” or “That would be hard” or “My mother would kill me!” (listen to that voice) or “I’d have to take the time to learn something new.”

He who rejects change is the architect of decay.  The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.  ~Harold Wilson

In the Junior High Band Room there is a fabulous poster that starts with the word “CAN’T” in big letters at the top. Each row shows the letters morphing until the bottom row says “CAN TO”. I love that poster.

Change is not always better, but better always involves change. — Grandpa Hank

Change is not always better, but better always involves change (yes, it is worth repeating). It is not possible for things to get better and stay the same simultaneously.

Love, Mom

P. S.

In case you didn’t figure out the image, it’s a Yes, You Can. (I am hilarious.)