Posts Tagged "advice for college kids"

You’re Not Going to Believe What Holiday Today Is

Dear Kid,

STOP EVERYTHING!!

Happy Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day! DearKidLoveMom.comIt’s Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day (I did not make this up). Eat Ice Cream for Breakfast Day was invented sometime in the 1960s in Rochester, NY (because everyone thinks of starting their day off with ice cream when it’s minus 142 degrees outside).

There are all sorts of ice cream flavors including lots of breakfast flavors (I’m not aware of a green eggs and ham one, although there very well could be such a thing).

There are the fruit flavors (orange, banana, strawberry), the coffee flavors (coffee, mocha), and the breakfast pastry flavors (donut, cinnamon roll).

There is bacon ice cream, and French toast ice cream, and most ice cream is made with an egg base.

There are waffle cones and cookie cones and don’t even get me started about the variety of add-ins that are really should be considered breakfast food.

The big question (duh) is WHO CARES IF IT’S PRETENDING TO BE BREAKFAST FOOD? It’s a holiday. Ice cream is being celebrated. What more rationale could you possibly want?

Eat your breakfast.

Love, Mom

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Selfies Causing Death (Russian Government Intervenes)

Dear Kid,

There is a new way for college students to be idiots.

Of course being idiotic is never limited to college students, but people of a collegiate age often think they are invincible (meaning they are not able to be vinced).

As the Russian government warns (and CNN reported) the new threat is (wait for it): Death by Selfie.

No, this is not a problem of blinding flashes (My Eyes! My Eyes!) because most of us recover from seeing spots. It’s not a problem of “radiation poisoning” from cell phones. It’s not a case of people bashing each other over the head with selfie sticks. It’s not even people dying of embarrassment over bad pix.

It’s really Death by Selfie.

It seems that some of these Rhodes Scholars are taking such extreme selfies that they are bypassing regular lunacy and heading straight for the morgue.

It’s hard to do well in school when you’re on a slab in the morgue.

Rules for Selfies According to the Russians with commentary by me (Here’s the Russian Rules for Selfies.)

Do Not take a selfie while you’re holding a loaded gun. Especially if you are pointing it at yourself. You might confuse which button to push.

Do Not take a selfie while you’re snuggling a wild animal. In fact, avoid the wild animals altogether.

Do Not take a selfie while you’re standing on a railroad track that trains are in the process of using.

Do Not take a selfie while you’re on scaffolding at a construction site. Especially if you don’t have a hard hat and safety rigging.

Do Not take a selfie dangling your feet over the edge of a skyscraper. Just avoid the tops of skyscrapers.

Do Not take a selfie with a live wire. Do not take a selfie with a dead wire. Avoid exposed wires.

Do Not take a selfie while you are falling down steps. Do not take a selfie falling up steps.

Do Not take a selfie while running in front of a car. Or truck. Or bus. Or any other moving vehicle.

Do Not take a selfie on the roof. Especially a pitched slope roof. Especially on a sharply pitched slope roof.

Do Not take a selfie while severely under the influence of alcohol. Or drugs. Or idiot friends.

Do Not take a selfie while falling off the back of a boat. Do not take a selfie while falling off the front of a boat.

For heaven’s sake, just stop falling.

I tell you about these things because apparently not everyone knows.

It’s a good thing the Russian government is on top of the situation.

Love, Mom

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