Dear Kid,

Last night was the Super Bowl (just in case you weren’t sure). And being the kind of mom I am, I am thoughtfully providing you an Entirely Accurate Replay of the evening. You’re welcome.

Starting at 5pm, we began to learn about the Super Bowl (the commentators began talking a lot earlier, but that’s when we tuned in). Turns out there are a lot of players, all of whom might be the Most Important Player of the Game. Or might not.

Looks like there’s a great pregame show on the field of which we see 14 pixels worth. There appear to be lots of cheerleaders in teeny tiny costumes. Have you noticed that all professional cheerleader outfits look about the same these days?

We meet Davis Thomas, the Walter Payton Football Player of the Year. Players on the sidelines look bored.

John Legend sings America. O, Beautifully.

Idina Menzel sang the National Anthem. Beautifully. To absolutely no one’s surprise. (Every girl between 3 and 12 in the country goes nuts. To absolutely no one’s surprise.) Her jewelry is to die for. The Thunderbirds rock the sky.

Booker looks annoyed that I won’t share my dinner with him.

Chevy shows a great commercial about the impact of advertising. (OK, they think it’s about a truck, but it’s really about the impact of advertising.)

Booker takes himself off for a nap on his pillow since I won’t feed him my dinner.

According to the announcer, it takes a “small village” to get the coin toss done. About 4,000 people go out on the field to make sure gravity still takes the coin to the turf. Tails and Seattle wins the toss.

You’d think that could mean the game would start. You’d be wrong. Instead, we get some more interviews and repeats of injury updates. I felt very knowledgeable knowing what a torn labrum is. Until I realized that the reason I know that is because Pi had surgery on hers.

Six hours later, Seattle kicks. So far, no surprises.

Patriots get a first down, then have to punt. Running into the kicker. But they decline the penalty and Seattle gets the ball. But only for three plays. It’s a game of punters.

Booker looks fed up that no one is sharing seconds with him and goes back to his pillow.

Oh, look. A first down. And a couple more. And the Patriots are about to score when the Seahawks intercept the ball at the goal line, what WHAT? Commentators can’t believe Brady made a mistake. They are, I believe, befuddled.

And there’s a MINION commercial. I’m so happy! Followed by a cute Brady Bunch Snickers commercial.

The first quarter is over. Holy Super Bowl that was a fast fifteen minutes of football.

We have the exact same percentage of salt in our blood as there is in the ocean. (I did not know that.) And then there’s a great commercial about arm wrestling for Skittles.

Clydesdales and puppy. I almost cried. Turns out Mindy in the Verizon commercial is not invisible. And Arnold is back in the movies.

More football. And New England scores. In case you’ve lost track it’s been more than 5 minutes into the second quarter. 7:0 Patriots.

Fantastic Coke commercial. #MakeItHappy

And the First Draft Ever. Adorable.

I’m having trouble keeping up with the commercials.

Dad puts food from dinner away. Booker comes out to investigate. Still annoyed that no one is sharing with him. Speaking of Dad, there have been several Dad commercials. So far, no big winners.

Finally, a spectacular catch and with slightly more than 2 minutes left in the half, the Seahawks tie up the game amid something that looks a little like a hockey game. Keep your helmets on, dudes.

Then McDonald’s hits a home run (sorry about mixing sports metaphors) with a commercial about paying with love. Three points for the mom who tells her son she loves his compassion for other people.

And the two minute warning. Commercials lead Dad to say he wants a goat for his birthday.

With :31 to go in the half, the Patriots score. 14:7. With :06 there is a Big Decision to Make. Seahawks have the ball on the 11 yard line. To kick or not to kick, that is the question. The answer? Call a bunch of time outs. Then throw for a TOUCHDOWN! The commentators go crazy. Seahawks make a crazy decision and benefit from it (they will not repeat the benefit part at the end of the second half.)

And we go to halftime tied at 14.

Excellent commercial about helping a victim of domestic violence. There have been a number of commercials about treating people well, or featuring alternately-abled people (these folks are definitely not disabled). There was one about neutering cats. Very interesting.

The half time show starts with a Pepsi commercial. Whatev.

Katy Perry put on an awesome show with four costume changes. From the start where she rode a huge animated tiger to the end where she flew around. Still poised and singing. She has what the cat doesn’t. Fan-freakin’-tastic. Even though she didn’t sing Hot and Cold. So far she has the clear advantage in the game.

Boring commercials lead into the second half. The experts weigh in and still don’t have a clue who is going to win.

Seahawks get stopped near the endzone and so they kick a FG. Seahawks in the lead.

Microsoft #empowering had a couple of great commercials about optimism in the face of reality. Dodge had a commercial featuring people at least 100 years old.

I think there’s a trend.

I forgot to tell you that the grass in the stadium is grown outside in Alabama and then flown in and planted. To the best of my knowledge, everyone except the grass itself has been interviewed.

Seahawks intercept. Flag on the play. Player down. You’d think there would be commercials while the refs figure it out, but you’d be wrong. Seattle ends up taking over around midfield and proceeds to march (Beast Mode) down the field and score a TD. Seahawks up by 10.

Pierce Brosnan pitching Kia cars. He looks old. (You should say nothing right about now.)

A non-puppy Budweiser commercial. Meh.

New England plays with properly inflated balls for a while and manages to punt it away. The commentators are having a marvelous time talking about New England mistakes. Seahawks give it a go, but have to punt.

Synchronized car parking commercial! I think it should be a new Olympic sport.

Commentators start repeating themselves. Not really a good sign.

About ten minutes left in this Super Bowl.

Brady tries for a TD. Then he tries again. Finally, he hits a receiver. PAT. And it’s 21:24.

Tortoise and the Hare race commercial. Best part is that the tortoise has a girl hare in his car. Aesop is rolling over in his grave.

Commentators are beside themselves (making the booth very crowded). They can’t decide if the Seahawks have the game wrapped up, if B&B have everything now in control, or if we’re going to OT.

Flying pig commercial for Doritos. Adorable.

Seven minutes (in regulation as the commentators keep reminding us).

Having a Madden moment—I really like that there are grass stains all over the uniforms.

New England is doing everything they can to get a TD. The commentators are talking about the ball deflation investigation. I should have kept count of the number of times they mentioned it. I didn’t. Sorry.

Patriots score! 28:24. With 2 seconds to the 2 minutes warning.

Holy moly. Seahawks throw a long pass which isn’t caught. But wait, it’s bobbled, it’s live, and it’s caught! And the Seahawks are at the 5. Down to the half yard line. And the Seahawks TD pass is intercepted at the goal line. What on earth just happened? Why would you throw that pass? That’s my question and everyone else in the world thinks the same thing. Commentators are losing their kidneys.

20 seconds left in the game. Brady can’t take a knee because he’s on the 1 inch yard line. Except the Seahawks jump off sides so NE gets to the 5 (and 1 inch) yard line. And then there is a fight. Like a serious fight. Whistles all around. It’s insane. They are going to throw enough people out of the game so that no one will be left to take the snap.

And the game eventually ends.

As Dad just pointed out, no questionable calls from the officiating crew (good job, zebras!).

There is undoubtedly going to be post game celebration, but I’ve got to get up in the morning.

Love, Mom