Dear Kid,

Once upon a time an amoeba was born. (Are amoebas born?) No one noticed because there were no people at the time. The universe waited.

Eventually, people were born. Generally individually. Their mothers usually noticed, but since the main family activity was Don’t Get Eaten, no one had time to celebrate the occasion on an annual basis. The universe sighed, and waited.

Finally, people figured out how to avoid getting eaten (at least most of the time) and they had time to invent birthdays and birthday cake. The universe smiled and waited for a slice. Preferably with extra icing. The universe is like that.

See why history is so important?

The Romans invented the birthday cake. Not to be outdone, the Greeks invented putting candles on the birthday cake, because everyone knows that melted wax is an excellent flavor enhancer. It’s also really fun to watch little kids try to blow out candles. The universe isn’t interested in waiting for people to think of wishes (they had all year to think about it) and just wants another small slice of cake please.

Call or text Grandma Lala–today is her birthday. The universe is pretty happy about that.

Love, Mom