Dear Kid,
There is a new way for college students to be idiots.
Of course being idiotic is never limited to college students, but people of a collegiate age often think they are invincible (meaning they are not able to be vinced).
As the Russian government warns (and CNN reported) the new threat is (wait for it): Death by Selfie.
No, this is not a problem of blinding flashes (My Eyes! My Eyes!) because most of us recover from seeing spots. It’s not a problem of “radiation poisoning” from cell phones. It’s not a case of people bashing each other over the head with selfie sticks. It’s not even people dying of embarrassment over bad pix.
It’s really Death by Selfie.
It seems that some of these Rhodes Scholars are taking such extreme selfies that they are bypassing regular lunacy and heading straight for the morgue.
It’s hard to do well in school when you’re on a slab in the morgue.
Rules for Selfies According to the Russians with commentary by me (Here’s the Russian Rules for Selfies.)
Do Not take a selfie while you’re holding a loaded gun. Especially if you are pointing it at yourself. You might confuse which button to push.
Do Not take a selfie while you’re snuggling a wild animal. In fact, avoid the wild animals altogether.
Do Not take a selfie while you’re standing on a railroad track that trains are in the process of using.
Do Not take a selfie while you’re on scaffolding at a construction site. Especially if you don’t have a hard hat and safety rigging.
Do Not take a selfie dangling your feet over the edge of a skyscraper. Just avoid the tops of skyscrapers.
Do Not take a selfie with a live wire. Do not take a selfie with a dead wire. Avoid exposed wires.
Do Not take a selfie while you are falling down steps. Do not take a selfie falling up steps.
Do Not take a selfie while running in front of a car. Or truck. Or bus. Or any other moving vehicle.
Do Not take a selfie on the roof. Especially a pitched slope roof. Especially on a sharply pitched slope roof.
Do Not take a selfie while severely under the influence of alcohol. Or drugs. Or idiot friends.
Do Not take a selfie while falling off the back of a boat. Do not take a selfie while falling off the front of a boat.
For heaven’s sake, just stop falling.
I tell you about these things because apparently not everyone knows.
It’s a good thing the Russian government is on top of the situation.
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