Mom and I went for a lovely walk sniff this morning, and now she is racing around muttering something about not setting her alarm, so I decided to write to you today.
I’ve been meaning to ask you for some help for a while. I find Mom and Dad a little confusing. You’ve been here longer, so I figured maybe you get it.
I do my best to be a good part of the pack and do things to make Mom and Dad happy. You know, like rolling around on a dead bird so that I smell beee-u-ti-ful. (And I think we can all agree that I have the most advanced sniffer in the house–I know my smells.) Mom never appreciates this and into the sink I go for a bath. Why they think wet dog is a better smell than dry dog and dead bird, I have no idea. I keep hoping they’ll learn. Did they ever make you take a bath when you rolled in dead birds?
I try to help with the food budget by eating while I’m outside. Poop is delicious and nutritious! I notice Mom and Dad don’t yell at you when you get your own snacks.
Then there is the dinner thing. I hear Mom say it’s a family dinner and everyone should come sit down at the table. I sit very nicely, and does anyone feed me? Nope. I wait very patiently, but no. I try puppy eyes. Nothing. I sit up. No food for me at all. Any suggestions?
I think I should be in charge of security. It’s a really important job and I think I am very good at it. Daddy checks the locks at night, but that isn’t enough. You get it, right? You simply can’t let Intruders come Anywhere Near the house. How can I explain to them the Importance of Being Vigilant? I make sure to let dogs, cats, and people who don’t belong here know that I am Guarding the House. And everyone says “shhhh.” I don’t think “shhh” keeps Intruders away…
Mom and Dad are wonderful. There are things they understand really well. Like tummy rubs. And ear scratching. And snacks. I LOVE Treats! Just wish I could get them to understand a few things better.
Thanks for helping.
thanks to Auntie Ro for sending the funny photo (it’s making the rounds on the internet, so no idea who to give credit to)