Dear Kid,

Are you going to carve a pumpkin this year?

I haven’t decided either. But in the “better spend some time surfing the internet for ideas I’ll never carve rather than dusting something” vein, I took a quick look for jack-o’-inspiration.

Four hours later, I feel completely inadequate.

It is amazing how many people spend time (lots of time) and talent (lots of talent) carving pumpkins. That’s not a slam—I’m impressed. If I had their talent I might do the same thing (oh, who am I kidding).

Once I had my fill of complicated and intricate pumpkin carving voyeurism (did I mention the 7 hours of web surfing?), I moved on to the Easy Options Category.

I found the traditional jack-o-lanterns, less traditional jack-o-sparrows, happy faces, sad faces, scary faces (extra points for the one where the carver used toothpicks as jagged teeth), political figures (very unrealistic since they are silent), a minion (yes, might be my personal fave), college logos, college mascots (not sure they fall in the easy category), abstract designs (just punch a bunch of holes), and billions and billions more.

It is not easy to live up to internet expectations of pumpkin carving. Even squirrels are in the pumpkin carving game.

Fortunately, I don’t give a fig about the internet’s expectations of my pumpkin carving abilities.

Because there is no way I can compete with a squirrel.

Love, Mom