Dear Kid,

I’ve been thinking about football. Yes, I watched a fair amount of football yesterday. And woot! woot! to the Cincinnati Bengals who showed up in a big way.

Throwback uniforms. I get that the authentic (or replica) uniforms are a huge hit with merchandisers and people who make throwback uniforms, but (imho) many of them are a Huge Fashion Mistake. Think about it: it’s why the team doesn’t wear them anymore.

Quarterbacks. I usually think about kickers, but the High School season is over. What do quarterbacks do if they lose their voice? It’s one of the few (only?) positions in sport where vocalization is beyond critical. I’m concerned about this.

Coffee. Who makes coffee for the coaches during the game? I saw one of the coaches drinking a warm beverage from a cup (not an insulated container). How do they keep the coffee warm? And is it studly enough to drink hot chocolate if you don’t like coffee.

Weather. What happens if there is a snow advisory that shuts all the roads down during the game? Do they let the players leave the stadium? Or are they trapped there with The Other Team and Fans of The Other Team? Not to mention being trapped with all the post-game football funk. I wonder if this has ever happened.

Speaking of Personal Hygiene, what happens if a player breaks a nail during a game? Do they have an emergency manicurist on hand? And what is with some of these hairdos? Polamalu, yes. Everybody else, no. Somebody send coupons for Sports Clips. If someone accidentally pulls your hair, it’s your own fault. (For the record, I am highly biased in this particular instance. Girls can have long hair and have the right not to get it pulled. Professional football players [except Polamalu who has great hair and an equally great name] do not.)

Officials. Professional league officials are amazing. It is ridiculous how often they make the right call. And by “the right call” I mean the correct call as supported by video replay.

Also, I totally don’t get the fuzzy dudes for the Cricket commercials.

Love, Mom