Dear Kid,

Once upon a time, there were no washing machines. It was a dark time in history since everything had to go to the dry cleaners.

Just kidding. It was dark because everything was dirty.

Laundry comes from the Latin “lavanda” meaning “things to be washed.” Originally, lavatories were just places to do washing.

The first laundry machine was the river and the first dryer was the sun. You didn’t have to use quarters to operate either one—especially since quarters hadn’t been invented yet. Minions had (of course) been invented, and many people liked to have them do the laundry. These were primarily people who didn’t care when they got their clothes back since the Minions weren’t too good with time and schedules. The real reasons Minions are so small is because they frequently shrunk the clothes (by washing them in hot water and leaving them in the dryer too long). Over time, the Minions evolved to fit the clothes they couldn’t return to anyone else.

And I still haven’t seen the Minion Movie. Unbelievable, I know.

It’s not the heat from the dryer that causes clothes to shrink, it’s the lack of moisture.

Some people think having more suds means better cleaning (NOTE: Minions think more suds means more fun.) In fact, extra suds simply hold on to dirt, releasing the dirt just in time to deposit it back on your clothes.

“Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.” – Burt Reynolds, well-known feminist and advocate for women’s rights.

If you’re interested in outside laundry, you might head for Mumbai, India, where you’ll find Dhobi Ghat, the largest outdoor laundry in the world.

Always treat the stain from the back of the fab­ric to help push it off the garment. Blot (don’t rub) the stain as rub­bing can work the stain into the fibers. Which isn’t helpful.

Don’t whine about having to do laundry. Not only do you not have to do laundry outside, you don’t have to do as much laundry as the mouse. If you wash and dry one load of laundry every day for the next 44 years, you’ll clean about as much as the folks at Walt Disney World do in a single day. Yes, people who wash laundry at Disney are still called cast members. Yes, they also do a ton of dry cleaning. No, they don’t have to use quarters.

Speaking of quarters for laundry, until recently Davidson University in North Carolina offered free laundry service and delivery. Don’t bother transferring for this perk since they did away with the service in this year.

Love, Mom