Dear Kid,

You might think it is a simple matter to remove nail polish. A task that can be accomplished in a mere minute or two.

As accurate as that thought might be, it is also (and simultaneously) dead wrong.

Here is how it actually works.

Day 1

Look at nails. Be pleasantly surprised that the polish is still in reasonably good shape and since it’s a neutral taupe you can go another day.

Day 2

Determine it’s time to remove nail polish, but you’re too tired and tomorrow will be soon enough.

Day 3

Decide it REALLY is time to remove nail polish. Get distracted by reruns of NCIS. Start texting friends to find out what reruns they are watching. Remind yourself that Tomorrow Is Another Day. Search Google to find out what year that film was made (1951) and realize it wasn’t the movie you were thinking of after all.

Day 4

Get serious about removing nail polish. Search for cotton balls. Eventually concede that there aren’t any in the house. Realize there is just about Nothing In the World that could persuade you to go out to the grocery store at 10:30 at night just to get cotton balls. Convince yourself that it’s too late to paint your nails and naked nails would be embarrassing.

Day 5

Stop at Walgreens for cotton balls. Feel victorious when you check out having only bought 6 items. Place all 6 items in the car—and go back into Walgreens for the cotton balls you forgot the first time around. Hide your fingernails while you pay since they are in a state of embarrassing chipped-ness.

Review a term paper, answer three texts, and write a blog. Go downstairs to the kitchen to find the nail polish remover because you live with a teenage girl and Duh.

Go back downstairs because you left the cotton balls sitting on the dryer because life.

Remove nail polish.

Realize your nails are in terrible shape and you really shouldn’t have waited this long.

Now I have to go find some polish. But that’s another story for another day.

Love, Mom