Dear Kid,

The Great Pre-Graduation Clean, an undertaking of Epic Proportions, has begun.

There are some things in life we don’t really notice until they aren’t there. Like electricity. No one walks into a room, flips on the light switch, and thinks, “Ahhhh. The Electric Company is doing a great job today. I must remember to write a Note of Commendation.” On the other hand, if the light doesn’t go on at the flick of a switch, all hell breaks loose. Bulbs must be changed, switches tested, lights in other rooms turned on for comparison. And if it turns out that it is the Electric Company’s issue, the puppy has an excellent opportunity to learn new words.

Internet connectivity is the same; we expect it to be there and only really notice if we can’t get online.

Fast food is the same. We never think, “Oh, Chipotle must love me because they have corn salsa today.” But let them run out of corn salsa, even for a moment, and….I can’t even think about it.

Unfortunately, cleaning falls into the same type of category. It’s not often we walk into a home and think, “Wow, they put a ton of work into cleaning.” But we sure notice if the place looks like a bombed disaster area or if there are ancient cobwebs (assuming they are not strategically placed for a Halloween Party).

I have never developed a reputation as a Domestic Diva. I will never write a book called the Joy of Cleaning. I do not find on-going fulfillment in dusting. I don’t subscribe to the Squalor is a Lifestyle Choice theory of housekeeping, but no one is ever going to showcase our home for design or cleanliness. (Love and hilarity, possible. Design and cleanliness, no.)

It’s not that I don’t try. It’s just that A) I find cleaning dull, B) practically as soon as you finish you have to start all over again, and C) I inherited the Clutter Gene. (Auntie M explained to me that it really isn’t our fault we live in clutter—it’s a generic trait that has been handed down and I might just as well celebrate diversity and Who I Am.)

On the other hand, it would absolutely Not Be OK to leave the house in its normal state of Many Piles of Stuff when we have people over. There are some genetic problems that are not talked about in polite society. This may be one of them.

Hence, the Great Clean. So far, the dining room and lego room (the place a real estate agent would call the living room) are basically done. The porch and family room are close. The kitchen may qualify for Federal Disaster Relief.

Time to end this post and return to cleaning. I’m going in. I’ll meet you at the corner of Swiffer and Pledge to begin sandblasting the kitchen.

Love, Mom