Dear Kid,

The other night you were watching an XMen movie. I was watching women’s gymnastics.

Haley Graham: [V.O.] Elite gymnastics is like Navy SEALs, only harder. There are like, 2000 Navy SEALs, but there are only like, 200 elite gymnasts. I guess that’s because most kids would rather have a life than spend six hours a day training tricks that could kill you. Look, don’t be fooled by the leotards, people. The things gymnasts do make Navy SEALs look like wusses. And we do them *without* a gun!

Gymnasts are incredible athletes. DearKidLoveMom.comYou do know where the quote is from, right?

These little teeny girls (don’t get your eyebrows up, they are girls) are crazy athletes. They somehow manage to propel their bodies 4 or 5 miles into the air (without benefit of trampolines), twist around like a dreidel, and then—wait for it—stick the landing. All while looking sparkly and adorable. And smiling.

What kind of sport requires smiling?

Gymnastics is not a sport for the anti-glitter contingent.

Nor is it a sport for the faint of heart.

Haley Graham: [V.O.] Gymnastics tells you ‘no’ all day long. It mocks you over and over again, telling you that you’re an idiot. That you’re crazy. If you like running full speed towards a stationary object, vault’s for you. If you like peeling pieces of skin the size of quarters off your hands, bars is for you. Because the only thing more fun than rips, is when your rips get rips. It’s super sexy. And floor? Are you serious? I mean, who doesn’t wanna parade around in a leotard getting wedgies and doing dorky choreography? It’s delicious. If you like falling, then gymnastics is the sport for you! You get to fall on your face, your ass, your back, your knees and your pride! Good thing I didn’t like falling. I *loved* it!

It’s incredible how strong they are. OK, they can’t move faster than the speed of life or heal with superhuman speed or any of the other crazy powers the XMen have.

Haley Graham: I can hear you! and I’ll kill you!

On the other hand, they’re real. And really, really impressive. Congrats to US National Champion Ragan Smith!

Love, Mom

All quotes from Stick It!

Stick It