There’s a fly in the house.
And it seems to have adopted me.
No matter which room I’m in, there it is, following me around like a happy little puppy, buzzing and smacking into windows.
Have you ever noticed that flies have an amazing ability to land exactly 13½ inches higher than you can reach? They do this on purpose so that even with a magazine you have no chance whatsoever of swatting them.
This causes an inferiority complex that makes them feel the need to buzz. Loudly. Some bugs are sneaky, subtle little things (for the record, I don’t like them either). Flies Make Their Presence Known.
Buzz, yourself, fly.
Flies are disgusting. Not only do they violate the Any More Than Four Legs is Utterly Unnecessary Rule, they are truly some of the yuckiest animals on the planet.
FACT: They can only eat liquids but they can turn many solid foods into a liquid by spitting or vomiting on it.
FACT: House flies tend to stay within 1-2 miles of where they were born but will travel up to 20 miles to find food.
Why this particular one has chosen our house is a mystery, since I firmly believe there are better cooks and worse housekeepers (although probably not many) within 2 miles.
FACT: Flies are the helicopters of the insect world. They can fly up, down, side to side, and backwards.
This makes them very good at evasive maneuvers. See “magazine” above.
FACT: This one does not have an invitation to be inside and had best buzz its noisy little self outside where it can be eaten by a bird.
Too late. Now I have fly-smoosh on my magazine. But at least it’s quiet in here.