Dear Kid,

What are you watching on TV?
Football Game 1. Football Game 2. Football Game 3. And a James Bond movie.
All of them?
Yeah (duh).
Pick one.
I’m watching all of them.
Choose a channel, Child. And leave it.
You’re really old fashioned, Mom.

Kid?
Um?
There’s a big pile of clothes outside your room.
Yeah?
Why is there a big pile of clothing outside your room?
It’s laundry.
Why is it outside your room in a big pile?
There’s no reason for it to be in my room, is there?
Child!
Don’t worry, Little Mama, I’ll do my laundry.
Preferably before it walks to the laundry room by itself…

There is also a mighty fine collection of mugs outside your room.
Yep.
Are you taking all of them with you when you go to your internship?
No, I just need to wash them.
So the hallway is what, a halfway house?
You’re hilarious, Mom.
Seriously, Child, the mugs have filed for citizenship they’ve been there so long.
I. Will. Wash. Them.

WHO USED THIS PAN AND DIDN’T WASH IT?
I’ll get to it, Mother.
Don’t you “Mother” me, young man.
You want me to call you “Dad”?
I want you to wash your dishes.
Settle down, Mama. I will, I will.
I mean before your 30th birthday!
Again, hilarious. Not.

And yet I will miss you more than you can possibly imagine when you’re off doing wonderful internship things.

Love, Mom