Dear Tall Boy Person,

Mom is upstairs but she left her computer down here so I thought I’d help out by writing to you.

I have so much to tell you. Woof!

I was sick, sick, sick for a few days and no one even offered me chicken soup. I had to go to the Stick You In the Paw people and they gave Daddy medicine for me. It tastes really bad, so yesterday I spit it out and no one noticed (hee hee hee). Then Mom and Dad decided they felt bad for making me take the icky stuff so now I get cheese before my meals!!! Isn’t that cool??? It’s a new kind of cheese that’s yellow-orange and has a crunchy part in the middle, but who cares because it’s CHEESE!!! I love cheese!!!! Even without the rest of the medicine I am Much Better and back to being me.

I’ve also been Very Busy taking stuffing out of my toys so that they fit in the toy bin better. Also because it’s fun to take the stuffing out. I practically turned the Blue Owl inside out. Have you ever seen an inside out owl? I’ll keep chewing it for you. Since I finished that, I’m now working on taking the stuffing out of the Squeaky Skunk’s head. In my considered opinion, he looks much better with a flat head in my opinion.

Mom had started collecting Dog Facts for today’s blog. Since I am much more of a dog expert than she is (what with being a dog and everything), I have included my comments so you will understand everything better. Aren’t I a helpful puppy?

The phrase “raining cats and dogs” originated in 17th century England. During heavy rainstorms, homeless animals would drown and float down the streets, giving the appearance that it had actually rained cats and dogs and proving that even before the internet people would believe almost anything.

When Lord Byron was informed that his dog was not allowed to come with him to Cambridge Trinity College, he retaliated by bringing a bear instead. My kind of dude. But not sure why you’d want to hang out with a bear…

Kubla Khan owned 5,000 mastiffs. I wasn’t there to count them so the count might be off one or two. I’m not sure if this makes him a great guy or a hoarder.

Scholars have argued over the proper interpretation of Dorothy’s dog, Toto, in the Wizard of Oz. One theory suggests that Toto represents Anubis (the dog-headed Egyptian god of death) because “Toto keeps Dorothy from safely returning home.” Way to ruin a good story guys. But kudos to the Egyptians for recognizing the Power of the Pooch.

In Palding, Ohio (at the corner of absolutely nowhere), it is legal for police officers to bite a dog to quiet it. One has to worry about the police force in Palding. In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. I cannot even bring myself to comment on this.

Dachshunds were bred to fight badgers in their dens. Bookers were born to fight Squeaky Skunk in the family room.

Dog nose prints are as unique as human finger prints and can be used to identify specific dogs. I’ve left plenty of mine on the car windows and the windows to the back porch in case you get confused about who I am. Also, since most of us have black noses, you can’t tell when we’ve been nose-printed by the fuzz.

A person standing still 300 yards away is almost invisible to a dog. But a dog can easily identify its owner standing a mile away if the owner is waving his arms. I can hear a banana being peeled and tell who’s doing the peeling from any point in the house (not much point in asking Dad to share because he never does, but Mom and Pi are very good sharers).

One female dog and her female children can produce 4,372 puppies in seven years. Be responsible with pet ownership.

“Greyhound” comes from a mistake in translating the early German name Greishund, which means “old (or ancient) dog,” not from their gray color, which is dumb because why would you call a puppy old? The average dog can run about 19 mph. Greyhounds can run at speeds of 45 mph mostly because they are trying to prove they aren’t old.

A beagle has now been trained to sniff Polar Bear poop to tell if the animal is pregnant. That sounds like an awesome job! I love the smell of poop.

I’ve included some random pictures of random dogs randomly taken. I hope you enjoy them.

Booker, I said Take Your Nose Off My Computer!

Gotta go nap!

Love, Booker

 P. S.

I got great new treats that I will share with you (if mom lets me) when you get home.

B