Sports

Cruising into New Adventures

Dear Kid,

I have now kayaked in the ocean.

Sea Kayak. Ocean kayak. Costa Maya Mexico. DearKidLoveMom.comOne of the excursions we took was an adventure in a tandem clear-bottom kayak which – as the name implies – involved kayaking in a vessel with a clear bottom.

We made three stops along the reef in Costa Maya, Mexico. It was amazing how much we could see through the bottom of the boat.

Unfortunately, early, early, early in the morning as we approached Costa Maya, there was Weather. I slept through it, but it must have been pretty significant because the ship actually missed the dock and had to go out and try again. (Three points for exhaustion!) The Weather bothered me not at all since I was fast asleep. But it washed a ton of sea grass up onto the shore (which according to our excursion operator is usually pristine).

Up and down the coast, people were raking up the sea grass and hauling it away by the wheelbarrow-full. Up and down the excursion, guides were apologizing for Mother Nature. It was gorgeous (even with the sea grass) and it was adorable that the locals felt so badly that Mama N had misbehaved for our visit.

Personally, I felt that if she had to throw a fit it was very kind of her to get it done with before we went ashore.

Love, Mom

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Gold, Silver, Bronze

Dear Kid,

In the late 1800s the world decided that it would be a good idea to bring back the Olympics. The idea was that international friendly competition would bring peace, unity, and unlimited marketing opportunities to a world badly in need of all three.

As with most festivals, things got bigger and “better” over the years. Peace and unity got lip service; unlimited marketing opportunity took home all the gold medals and then some.

The first of the modern day Olympics was held in 1896 and the organizers hadn’t had their medal epiphany yet. So the winners got silver medals and an olive branch, and the runners-up got a copper medal and a laurel branch. Very historic.

241 athletes from 14 nations participated in 43 events (9 sports) at the 1896 games in Athens.

At the games in 1900, prizes (like an Apple iphone) were given instead of twigs, branches, and medals.

Somewhere between the turn of the century games and the 1904 games, the IOC agreed that it was too soon to give out Nike contracts to the winners and instituted the medal system.

The current medals represent the first three Ages of Man according to Greek mythology: the Golden Age (when men lived among the gods), the Silver Age (when youth lasted a hundred years), and the Bronze Age (the age of the great heroes). The Age of Consumerism and the Age of iAppleEverything were intentionally overlooked.

Love, Mom

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What You Don’t Know About Bronze

Dear Kid,

Just in case you didn’t get enough info about bronze yesterday (don’t see how that could be possible, but one never knows), I consulted My Friend the Internet and found out a bit more.

The best way to get bronze is to buy it, but if you find yourself in The Wilderness with nothing but some copper and tin, you can make it yourself. If you have the skill, time, heat, and various implements. The recipe is generally 12% tin to 88% copper, but other alloys are often added to make the bronze harder, machinable (yes, that’s a word), and bronzier (that isn’t but should be).

Bronze is used for all sorts of things like statues, third place medals, Age (as in the Bronze Age if you’re too sleepy to figure that one out), and 8th anniversary gifts (no clue why, but the Etiquette Police say so therefore it must be true).

Bronze has also been used for armor (probably not the finest, but one makes due with what one has), coinage (probably not the most valuable, but one pays dues with what one has), mirrors (whether it’s the finest often depends on who’s reflecting), and bells (because one really can’t sing “Ding, dong the witch is dead” when all one has is a plastic bucket).

Bronze is often used for guitar and piano strings (not at the same time).

Bronze is non-magnetic, but many people are attracted to it anyway.

Love, Mom

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The True and Accurate History of Bronze

Dear Kid,

Turns out that copper and tin make bronze.

You probably knew that, but I didn’t.

There are many documented histories of bronze, but the least commonly known may be the most accurate.

One day, Mrs. Joe Neanderthal was the Parent Representative (and by “representative” I mean enforcer) at the local high school rock throwing competition. Her job was to make sure the rocks were aimed away from other parents (participants had signed a waiver and this was before concussions were invented so no one worried about them) and hand out the prizes.

By the time the meet was over, there were three competitors still standing. Mrs. J. N. dutifully handed out first place (mammoth tusk award), second place (mammoth fur award), but when it came to third place she just couldn’t bring herself to give her own offspring the mammoth dung award and so she invented bronze.

Actually, it was still mammoth dung, but bronze sounded better.

This is the true and accurate reason that third place finishers in the Olympics get bronze medals rather than dung medals.

Love, Mom

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Emails From My Fitbit

Dear Kid,

I’ve been getting a lot of emails from my Fitbit.

Fitbit: Your Charge HR battery level is low. Charge your battery as soon as possible. To charge: 

1. Plug the power cable into a USB port. 
2. Plug the other end of the power cable into the back of your Charge HR. A progress bar should appear on the screen. 
3. A full charge can take between 1-2 hours depending on the remaining battery level.

Thinking burns a lot of calories. For instance, how does the Fitbit tell the difference between sitting and watching bad reality TV (no effort) and sitting and contemplating bad reality TV (a great deal of effort)? Or gum chewing? How does the Fitbit account for the incredible number of calories I burn chomping on Trident? DearKidLoveMom.comFitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! Great job! You’re close to meeting your step goals! Just a little more and you’ll be there!

Fitbit: You spent 45 minutes on the Elliptical today! Congrats!

Fitbit: Your Charge HR battery level is low. Charge your battery as soon as possible. 

Fitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! You went to the gym four days this week. Fantastic!

Fitbit: You’re doing an excellent job sleeping. You’re hitting your goals!

Fitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! You walked a lot this week, but not as much as last week.

Fitbit: Seriously, Your Charge HR battery is really low. PLUG IT IN!

Fitbit: You’re starting to slack off a little. What’s going on?

Fitbit:  It’s great that you decided to go to the gym today! Next time you go, let’s do more than sit in the sauna!

Fitbit:  Sleeping is great, but it’s generally better if you work out at the gym.

Fitbit: PLUG. ME. IN!

Fitbit: I have no idea what you did yesterday, because you keep forgetting to charge me. But based on recent experience, I’m guessing I didn’t miss much…

Fitbit: Your weekly progress report from Fitbit! Are you really a slug or are you just too lazy to actually charge your Fitbit?

Fitbit: I know you like wearing me because I’m purple, but I can be much more than a fashion accessory. Let’s go walk somewhere!

Fitbit: Just so we’re clear, getting up from the couch to get ice cream is not considered a workout.

Fitbit: And no, typing is not an aerobic activity. Ever.

Love, Mom

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Predictions in Three Parts

Dear Kid,

It's all you little football. Well, you and the commercials. Happy Super Bowl! DearKidLoveMom.comPart I

As you probably have heard by now, The Rodent (aka Punxsutawney Phil) saw his shadow and – according to the Laws of Physics and Popular Culture – thereby determined winter will never end.

If one believes in the predictive power of groundhogs (as one should), don’t put away your mittens.

Part II

You may also have heard that Our Beloved Fiona the Hippo predicted that the Eagles would win the Super Bowl.

1Q: Eagles 9; Patriots 3

2Q: Eagles 22: Patriots 12

No one predicted the crazy straddle tackle.

No one predicted all the missed kicks. Or that given all the missed kicks we’d have a rookie FG record set.

No one predicted QBs as receivers.

Everyone predicted halftime. But perhaps not quite that many set changes.

3Q: Eagles 29; Patriots 26. Wait, what?

Yep. Stay tuned.

Final:

THE EAGLES WON!!!

Eagles 41; Patriots 33.

Fiona is RIGHT!

No one predicted that we’d have so many combined points. Or so many combined offensive yards (1,152 yards – the most in any post season game ever). Or so few punts. Or that the game would come down to the last play.

Fabulous Super Bowl.

Everyone predicted that Dad would coach and ref from the couch. And talk during the commercials.

I (correctly) predicted the commercials would win.

Part III

The Puppy has accurately predicted meal time for…well, every day of his life. No surprise there.

Happy Predictions!

Love, Mom

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