Rules for Life

Spring and the Internet is For-e-ver

Spring and the Internet is For-e-ver

Dear Kid,

Happy Spring!! DearKidLoveMom.comIt’s Spring. Which is wonderful except for the weather (one day it’s in the 70s and the next we’re having a blizzard—squwonky defined).

There are poems written about Spring. There are songs written about Spring. And Spring appreciates all the tributes and pays us back with flowers and warm breezes and craziness.

If it's on the internet, it's permanent. As in for-e-ver. DearKidLoveMom.comThere is something about Spring that causes normal sane (or at least borderline sane) people to do the ridiculous.

And to tell the entire world about the ridiculousness via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, whatev.

As I have mentioned before—and as you know perfectly well—if it’s on the internet, it’s permanent. As in for-e-ver.

Things that might seem college-normal might not seem OK from the point of view of a potential employer.

Sharing the depth and breadth of funny at 2am might not be quite so humorous to the next person you ask out on a date—or the one after that. Or the one after that.

Things that might seem inconsequential now might be hard to explain to your someday future children.

Enjoy Spring. Revel in her newness, in the winding down of the school year, in the gentleness of the season.

And share your enjoyment of the season. Only think before you share.

Love, Mom

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Your Father Is Making Fun of Me | And Coffee

Dear Kid,

Your father is making fun of me.

It’s not that I blame him exactly. It’s just that he seems to be enjoying it a wee bit too much.

At least a wee bit too much for my taste.

Here’s what happened.

I made a cup of coffee. A delightful, full bodied, fresh cup of coffee.

Only I forgot the cup.

I love coffee. Sometimes words aren't necessary.

The Keurig is a remarkable machine. It makes a happy little sound as it makes coffee. It doesn’t complain. It doesn’t take up too much space. It’s perfectly content making Double Diamond one moment and French Vanilla Decaf the next.

It does not, however, check to see if there’s a cup before it starts pouring.

In my defense, I was looking at Dad and was thoroughly distracted.

Also in my defense (OK, less in my defense and more to help share the blame), Dad was staring straight at the Keurig and didn’t mention notice that the coffee was going straight to the drip tray without checking at Cup Station.

The good news was that I had the drip tray in place. The only other time I’ve gone cup-less, I didn’t have the drip tray and ended up with coffee all over the counter, the cabinets, the dishes, and the floor.

There I was, coffee in the drip tray, cup in hand, Dad laughing all over the place, and the Puppy wondering when something was going to spill so he could share in the fun.

I was not amused. Did I mention it was Cup #1 of the Day?

I thought about picking up the drip tray of coffee and pouring it into my cup. Dad saw my thought (I am not subtle first thing in the morning) and offered to help (and by “offered to help” I mean hollered, “I’ll do it! You probably shouldn’t touch anything hot!”).

He started looking for the turkey baster (I kid you not). I thought about pouring the coffee on him.

I got out a small ladle and ladled coffee soup into my cup while inventing ways to torture people who make fun of other people before those other people are sufficiently caffeinated.

NOTE: A side trip to the drip tray does not noticeably change the taste of coffee. Just thought you should know.

Love, Mom

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Sauna Etiquette and Other Important Things

Dear Kid,

As the song says, there are some things you just don’t do. You don’t pull on Superman’s cape, you don’t spit into the wind, you don’t pull the mask of the Lone Ranger.

And you don’t pour water on the heating element of a sauna when other people are expecting a dry sauna experience.

It turns out that some people (me) thought you should save water for a steam room and never ever pour water on the “coals” of a sauna. It further turns out that the experts on the internet are quite comfortable with the idea of a wet sauna experience in which one adds water and keeps the temperature at a lower level.

Hey! Guess what happened at the gym the other day? Jenelle and I went into the sauna expecting dry heat and this chick kept pouring water on the rocks. We were not amused.

If I'd wanted steam I'd have gotten a cup of hot coffee. DearKidLoveMom.comIf we’d wanted steam we’d have gotten nice hot beverages. We wanted dry heat.

Not having consulted My Friend the Internet, I was convinced that the chick was a heathen and going to break the sauna and electrocute us all. Turns out I was wwwwrong, but facts are not the point here. The point is that it’s a public place and you follow public etiquette in a public place.

Why didn’t we say anything?

We tried the subtle method of delicate commenting, but she had headphones on and her music was cranked loud enough for the entire city so I’m pretty sure she didn’t hear us.

More importantly, she looked like she could kick our butts without breaking a sweat.

Love, Mom

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Rules We Need, New and Interesting Products, and Edith Ann

Dear Kid,

There ought to be a rule.

OK, to be fair, there are all sorts of rules in the world. I’m talking about a new rule.

I’m talking about a rule that says that websites shouldn’t talk about New and Interesting Products in a way that makes people want to find out more when the New and Interesting Product in question is not yet available for sale. And doesn’t have a price posted.

The New and Interesting Product I’m referring to is called the HOVR. It’s a gizmo that lets you swing your feet while you sit at your desk. This improves health and cognitive ability according to the inventors.

Those of us with short legs have always known that swinging your feet while you’re sitting and working is fun. DearKidLoveMom.comThose of us with short legs have always known that swinging your feet while you’re sitting and working is fun.

And it doesn’t cost anything.

Except possibly a little dignity.

When I saw the promo, I was intrigued and thought I’d investigate to see how much such a gizmo might cost. I’m not likely to purchase one, but I was curious about how much I was not going to purchase it for.

The first site I found was happy to tell me everything (including the cost of shipping) except the price.

That was frustrating.

I searched more.

My Friend the Internet groaned a little about being awoken from a perfectly good nap, but got to work.

The HOVR costs $89. The tracker costs $33 (that part is optional). You can attach the HOVR to your desk or you can buy the stand which costs $100. You read that correctly: the stand costs more than the thing you’re buying.

There ought to be a rule.

Love, Mom


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You Have What Stuck In Your Head?

You Have What Stuck In Your Head?

Dear Kid,

I have a song stuck in my head. I woke up with it playing loud and clear, and it’s kept playing ever since.

Most of the time, a song stuck on constant repeat (repeat repeat) would be a bad thing. It would normally be a reason to wail and bemoan earworms. To do everything possible to find a way to replace, reduce, remove the song in question (the questionable song).

So while I generally can do without earworms, this one is welcome to stick around for a while.

Amazingly, this one is the exception. The song that’s stuck is making me incredibly happy. It’s upbeat, it’s fun, it makes me wants to dance around.

So while I generally can do without earworms, this one is welcome to stick around for a while.

Love, Mom

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Correction, Pre-St. P, and Actual Daylight

Dear Kid,

Happy Today! DearKidLoveMom.comYou get an extra day. Because I “oops-ed” and said that yesterday was Absolutely Incredible Kids Day. The AIKD people were kind enough to point out that I was a day ahead of schedule. So in case (horrors!) you didn’t read about Absolutely Incredible Kids Day yesterday (when it wasn’t), you should read about it today (when it is).

I am also joyfully celebrating Pre-Saint Patrick’s Day (which I can do because apparently I have a hitherto unknown skill called Celebrating Early). Pre-Saint P’s Day means wearing a light shade of green. And drinking green tea. And thinking kind thoughts about Kermit. I know this because I just made it up.

Happy Pre St Patrick's Day!

Speaking of things to celebrate joyfully (because celebrating miserably seems just wrong), I went to the gym yesterday (that’s not the part to celebrate). As I was leaving, I noticed a bright light outside. My first thought was ‘Yark! Is there a major storm I don’t know about?’ My second thought was ‘Did they change the lighting in the parking lot?’ My third thought was ‘What should we have for dinner?’

It was at that moment I realized what I was seeing—daylight. As in longer days plus Daylight Saving Time. Actual light from the heavens. I was so excited I almost rolled around on the ground like a happy puppy. DearKidLoveMom.comIt was at that moment I realized what I was seeing—daylight. As in longer days plus Daylight Saving Time. Actual light from the heavens. The angels sang (to be fair, it might have been a YouTube video). I was so excited I almost rolled around on the ground like a happy puppy. (You’ll be glad to know I restrained myself.)

I love that it stays light longer. I love that it’s still bright when I get home. It makes me feel that all is right with the world and anything is possible.

Love, Mom

P.S. In case you’re wondering, the answer is we had leftovers for dinner.

P.P.S. We think you’re incredible every day. Happy Absolutely Incredible Kids Day anyway.


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