Rules for Life

The World Is On A Downward Trajectory In A Picnic Hamper

Dear Kid,

The world is on a downward trajectory in a picnic hamper.

The world is on a downward trajectory in a picnic hamper. DearKidLoveMom.comNot only did we have to endure two whole days with no Diet Coke in the machine, but CLOO has gone off the air. The entire station. The. Entire. Station.

Which means I am now in NCIS marathon withdrawal.

Which means there will be more than the usual amount of channel surfing until I find a new channel to love (and by “love” I mean resort to when there’s nothing else on the airwaves to keep me company while I’m working and writing). And by “nothing else on the airwaves” I mean

Do not suggest Hulu or Netflix or any other pay-more-for-TV channel because I’m just not ready.

It is a sad, sad state of affairs.

On the other hand, NCIS is still producing new shows, Big Bang Theory is in reruns all over the place (as well as new shows), and we’re not buried in 10 feet of snow.

And there’s likely to be hot coffee in a mug nearby.

Hope you have a wonderful day, kiddo. And avoid one way trips in baskets.

Love, Mom

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I Can’t Keep Quiet | The Sauna and Real Responsibility

Dear Kid,

I have started sauna-ing.

Sitting in the sauna is what you do after you’ve been exercising hard and want to relax your muscles.

It’s also what you do if you haven’t been exercising hard enough and want to sweat anyway.

Sometimes sitting in the sauna is a time for quiet (and warm) reflection.

Other times, it’s an interesting conversation with people you might never meet anywhere else.

I mean how often do you go up to someone who is working out and randomly start chatting? OK, in my world it happens more often than you might think, given that I seem to have a way of introducing myself. And when J and I are at the gym together, you can imagine that we manage to meet all sorts of interesting people.

Last night (after our very intense workout), we were in the sauna, solving all the world’s problems, when we got into an interesting conversation with a woman who is approximately your age (and by “approximately” I mean exactly give or take a few months).

We started talking about the movie Twilight (which I have not seen, but I read one of the books a long time ago). This very insightful woman was saying how she’d rewatched the movie recently and started noticing how the relationship was a very abusive one (emotionally speaking). Which got all of us talking about why women do some of the things we do and enter into some of the relationships we enter into.

Many people (more knowledgeable than I) have written (much better than I possibly could) about the insidious little steps that seem (more or less) harmless at the time but in reality lead to the next one and the next one and…

We (and I mean all of us) have a responsibility to watch for subtle signs and signposts. To watch over our friends, our family, people we care about, people who are only on the edge of our awareness. To reinforce the “rightness” of standing up for ourselves. To give women permission to listen to that little warning voice we so often ignore. To insist that they respect themselves. DearKidLoveMom.comWe (and I mean all of us) have a responsibility to watch for subtle signs and signposts. To watch over our friends, our family, people we care about, people who are only on the edge of our awareness. To reinforce the “rightness” of standing up for ourselves. To give women permission to listen to that little warning voice we so often ignore. To insist that they respect themselves.

I’ve been obsessing over MILCK and I Can’t Keep Quiet. Hopefully, you’ve heard it already. If not, here it is.

Love, Mom

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My Thoughts On Commercials | More People Should Consult Me (Really)

Dear Kid,

It's hard to believe the FCC doesn't consult me about what commercials to allow DearKidLoveMom.comIt’s amazing that I’m not consulted on more things.

Like which commercials should be allowed and which should be banned forever.

For example, any commercial that features insects (real or CGI): should be banned.

Diet Coke commercials: allowed.

Any commercial, no matter how well-intentioned, that shows sad and/or harmed and/or mistreated animals: definitely banned.

Car commercials: meh.

Any commercial that includes the words, “But wait!” or “easy payments” shall be limited to 30 seconds.

Commercials for fresh fruit and veggies: approved.

Commercials for breakfast cereal: perfectly fine—after 9pm.

Commercials for cell phones: whatev.

Commercials for coffee: um, of course they’re ok.

Commercials for stupid television shows or movies: um, duh, no.

Commercials for restaurants: depends on my mood.

Commercials for pistachios: absolutely—love those. Both the commercials and the nuts.

See how much better the world would be?

What commercials would you allow? Which would you ban?

Love, Mom

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Puppy Alarm in the Middle of the Night

Dear Kid,

Right now, he looks like an angel. He’s fast asleep and little baby snores are wafting slowly around him. Really, I can see them. Like little cartoon Zs with wings and agitrons (they’re related to grawlixes).

Grawlixes. The characters cartoonists use instead of swear words. DearKidLoveMom.com

Grawlixes. The characters cartoonists use instead of swear words.

Agitrons: wiggly lines around a shaking object or character.

Grawlixes: typographical symbols standing for profanities, appearing in dialogue balloons in place of actual dialogue.

His little nose is tucked under and he’s just a ball of adorable love.

Not so a few hours ago.

4:47am to be precise.

That’s when he began to bark.

First a warning bark or two. Then a cascade of Get Away From My House arpeggios. Followed by a full-on The Huns Are Invading alert. After 6 or 7 weeks of this, I hauled myself out of bed to investigate. 

I took the baby for a walk (which he enjoyed very much) and gave him breakfast (which he also enjoyed very much) and then he settled himself on his pillow for the aforementioned snooze. I still have no idea what caused the middle of the night call to arms feet paws. And surprisingly, he’s not talking.

(Note: Dad just came downstairs. “You,” he said looking at me and ignoring the Puppy’s flopping tail, “took the bait.”

I thought grawlixes.

“I don’t know why you didn’t just go out into the hall. That quiets him down and you could have gone right back to bed.”

Note on the Note: Doesn’t matter how hard you look, you will not be able to find Dad’s body.)

In all likelihood I will be napping this afternoon.

Love, Mom

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It’s Spouse’s Day! Take Time to Celebrate

Dear Kid,

Today is Spouse’s Day.

You do not yet have one of those.

I do.

And while the idea of Spouse’s Day is a little weird, it’s also kind of a nice thing. DearKidLoveMom.comAnd while the idea of Spouse’s Day is a little weird, it’s also kind of a nice thing.

It’s nice to have a day to say “I love you.” I try to remember to say that every day (sometimes even more than once a day) but Life has a habit of getting in the way.

There are chores to be done and meals to be made and puppies to be walked and clothes to be washed and work to be finished and dishes to put away and…

Sometimes we need a tap on the shoulder.

A gentle reminder to say “thank you” or to take time for a hug.

So I hope you’ll excuse me if I cut this note short so I have time to give my Sweetie a quick hug.

Love, Mom

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It Is Time to Take a Deep Breath

Dear Kid,

I feel the need to take a deep breath. A really deep breath.

Not because of the yoga. Well, not just because of that.

Not because the Puppy ripped apart one of his toys and left stuffing all over the family room. Well, not just because of that.

I'm taking the time to take a deep breath and now I'm going to my happy place. DearKidLoveMom.comAnd not just because I made a mess cooked dinner creatively. OK, mostly because of that but not only.

But really I need to take a deep breath because it is (more or less) the middle of a long week in the middle of a crazy month. The world seems to have gone a little over the edge. The news, the fake news, the opinions, the idle speculations, and the just plain sci-fi have gone off the rails. In an angry sort of way.

Am I the only one tired of the angry rhetoric? Am I the only one who wants to turn off the internet for a while? Or give the world a Coke and a Smile?

I’m settling for a deep breath. Please feel free to join me.

Ahhhh.

Love, Mom

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