Worst Parents Ever

Dear Kid,

We have a problem.

Dad and I were working in the backyard this weekend. We’re starting to get a new garden area ready because…well, because we’re insane. That might sound like it’s the problem, but it’s not.

The Puppy was outside with us, wandering around and sniffing and generally being his lazy puppy self.

All of a sudden, he (the Puppy) perked up and started pawing at the ground near the corner of the house. Dad looked up and smiled. “He found a mole or a vole or something.”

I glanced over and saw one nose poking around and one tail waiving frantically at the other end of the Puppy. “Should we stop him?” asked Dad.

“Why? He looks so happy.”a

“I just don’t want him to get his nose bitten.”

“I don’t think he’ll get his nose bitten.”

“What has he got?” “I’m not sure.” “It’s a RABBIT!!” “It’s a baby bunny!!!!” “Puppy, stop that!” DearKidLoveMom.comWe stopped what we were doing and went over to watch.

“What has he got?”

“I’m not sure.”

“It’s a RABBIT!!”

“It’s a baby bunny!!!!

“Puppy, stop that!”

Daddy grabbed the leash and pulled the Puppy away from the baby bunny. The Puppy was not amused – we took away his friend and he didn’t like that at all.

The bunny hugged the wall of the house and tried to act invisible.

Dad took the Puppy inside where he barked and howled and explained his problems at the very top of his voice. We ignored him. He reached new octaves of outrage.

He expressed (in no uncertain terms) how badly he was being treated. How unfair it was that we had taken him away from his new favorite toy – that moved all by itself! And how mean we were to put him inside when we were staying outside where his new friend was. AND no one was feeding him. Unforgivable. 

If he had fingers he’d have texted everyone on the planet. And called the newspapers.

Worst. Parents. Ever.

(Fortunately, giving him dinner seemed to solve most of the problems. His tiny little brain and generally forgiving nature solved the rest.)

Love, Mom

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It’s Love Your Pet Day!

Dear Kid,

Once again, it’s Monday. It happens every 7 days, so I’m sure you’re not surprised.

But this is no ordinary Monday, my friend. No, no.

This is a Monday to put a smile on your face.

Happy Love Your Pet Day! DearKidLoveMom.comBecause today is—wait for it—Love Your Pet Day.

The need for such a day is, well, imo, silly. It’s like saying we should have a day called Breathe Oxygen Day. Duh.

But apparently someone (I’m guessing the card companies) decided it was a good idea (completely overlooking the fact that Pets Can’t Read).

For the record, the Best of All Possible Pets is currently celebrating by napping. When I asked earlier, he said he plans to celebrate by eating, sleeping, and trying to convince everyone he comes in contact with to adore him. And he wouldn’t object to some jerky or pumpkin. In other words, business as usual.

If we had a hedgehog, I’d have to go buy mealworms for a treat, which is kind of ick. Did you know that hedgehogs are considered exotic pets in Ohio? I have no idea what that means either, except that you can’t just go get a hedgehog whenever you want.

I’m pretty sure you can’t just go adopt a river otter either…

It’s a good thing we already have The Puppy. Who is only exotic in that he’s ours.

I think I’ll celebrate Love Your Pet Day by snuggling with him.

Love, Mom

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The Puppy Has the Hiccups

Dear Kid,

The Puppy has the hiccups.

Hiccups. DearKidLoveMom.com (The puppy has the hiccups.)Like most unexpected bodily functions, this one has him confused, affronted, surprised, and insulted.

I don’t know if all puppy hiccups are like his but his are irregular. No set rhythm. Hic. Hic. Hic-hic. Hic. Hic-hic-hic.

First he tried ignoring them. They persisted.

Then he tried moving from his pillow to the dining room.

No change in hiccup-ness.

He tried running away from them. They followed.

I called him into the kitchen and suggested he have a drink of water. He hic-ed and stared at me. I caved and gave him a treat. After which he drank and drowned the hiccups.

Now he’s napping in order to recover from the trauma.

It can be very hard being a puppy.

Love, Mom

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A Perfect Sunday

Dear Kid,

A Perfect Sunday (obviously) starts with the night before. Last night Dad took me to see the North College Hill Community Theater production of The Real Inspector Hound. The accents came and went a bit, but it was delightful (I LOVE Tom Stoppard [the author]) and a nice little space. The only thing that could have improved it would have been to tie it with another of Stoppard’s one act plays. On the flip side, with only one act we got home before bedtime.

Also last night the Puppy slept through the night. Which was a Big Freakin’ Deal. We are quite hopeful that this is a sign that the 4am barking phase is over and done with.

Today, I hope to get to the gym early and be home in time for the most important event of the year. You got it: the Puppy Bowl.

This year they’ve included several “disabled” dogs. Um, “differently-abled” please. The really wonderful news is that all these pups are from shelters and have now been adopted. Big cheer from the endzone if you ask me.

Also, flippin’ cute.

As a conversation stopper, "I don't drink caffeine" was right up there with “Let’s talk politics and religion.” DearKidLoveMom.comThen there’s football.

I really hope it’s a good game. It’s the last one of the season and I hope, hope, hope it provides 100% in the way of entertainment and sport and 0% in the way of scandal. We, the People, need that.

Meanwhile, the sun is shining, the streets are clear, and the coffee is hot.

This is shaping up to be a perfect Sunday.

Love, Mom

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Your parents are tired and grumpy. You’ve been warned. | Winter is Coming and Puppy is Barking

Dear Kid,

So it happened.

As we knew (or at least feared) it would.

Your parents are tired and grumpy. You've been warned. DearKidLoveMom.comThe groundhog, Mr. Punxsutawney Phil himself, saw his shadow, screeched in alarm, and darted back down underneath his covers, there to stay until 2021.

Perhaps it wasn’t his shadow that so freaked him out. I’m not a groundhog handler, so I can’t be sure.

Regardless, we are likely to have more winter before we have spring. This surprises exactly no one except those of me who were slightly hopeful.

We are continuing to have issues with the Puppy barking at all sorts of unapproved hours. He’s being very closed-snouted about the why of the whole thing.

At first I thought he just decided that he’s too grown up and doesn’t need a crate anymore, but I don’t think that’s it.

‘Tis a puzzlement.

Not an amusing one since it is diametrically opposite sleep. Which we like. A lot.

Between the additional winter and the less than standard amount of sleep, you have fairly cranky parents.

You’ve been warned.

Love, Mom

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They’re Doing What at the WKC Dog Show?

Dear Kid,

Have. You. Heard. The. News.

Big news.

Colossal news.

News to make the fur stand up on the back of your neck. At the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

Westminster? The show is in New York. Westminster is not. Actually, it turns out that the WKC is not named after the Westminster in England. It was named after a hotel in Manhattan where (and I quote) “sporting gentlemen used to meet in the bar to drink and lie about their shooting accomplishments. Eventually they formed a club and bought a training area and kennel. They kept their dogs there and hired a trainer.”

The WKC Dog Show has been around for a long time (and by “long time” I mean has been in all four Madison Square Gardens. Madisons Square Garden? Madison Squared Garden?).

Where cats can be cats. And be admired. And obeyed. As it should be. DearKidLoveMom.comThere are always new things in shows like this. New sponsors, new rules, new hosts, new judges. This year, “new” is going a step further. Not only are there new breed being shown (including Ewok), but for the first time the show includes cats.

As in Meow.

As in the big Dog Show (the one with “Dog Show” in its name) is including cats.

Don’t get me wrong—I like cats. I love that they know they’re smarter than everyone around them. And I am not a member of the WKC, so I have no emotional attachment to their traditions.

But I’m having a little trouble reconciling cats at a dog show. I always thought cats were more evolved than that, more into ruling by power than by beauty pageant pomp and ceremony.

Maybe I just need to get with the times. To recognize that how an animal self-identifies is more important than the species he or she was born with.

To be fair, the cats are not going compete or parade around the ring. They are going to be on display in their booths. Where they can be cats.

At the Dog Show.

2017 is shaping up to be a weird year.

Love, Mom

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