Puppy

Puppy Conversations | The Kid Goes Back to College

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Mom! There are suitcases.
Me: Yes, sweetie.
Puppy: And bags.
Me: Also true.
Puppy: Which means someone is leaving, right?
Me: Well, yes. The Kid is going back to college.
Puppy: What?!
Me: It’s time for him to go back to school.
Puppy: What did I do wrong?
Me: Wrong? Honey, you didn’t do anything wrong.
Puppy: Is it because I slept too much? I can try to stay awake more.
Me: Sweetie, he’s not leaving because of your sleeping.
Puppy: Then why is he leaving?! I tried to behave so he would stay.
Me: You are a wonderful Puppy. The Kid isn’t leaving because of how much you slept or how you behaved. He’s leaving because he has to go back to school.
Puppy: Does he still love me?
Me: Absolutely, he still loves you. It’s just time for him to leave.
Puppy: Will he hug me goodbye?
Me: Not only will he hug you, I’m betting he’ll give you a goodbye scratch under your chin.
Puppy: And he will come back?
Me: Yes, sweetheart. He will definitely come back.
Puppy: I guess that’s OK…but I still don’t like it.
Me: I certainly understand that.

Love, Mom

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Puppy Conversations | Pi Comes Home and Lasagna

Dear Kid,

Puppy: Where is she?
Me: What?
Puppy: MyGirlMyGirlMyGirl
Me: She’s sleeping.
Puppy: But she was just here.
Hi Friend! Puppy Conversations. DearKidLoveMom.comMe: She’s home. But right now she’s upstairs sleeping. You’ll have to wait.
Puppy: …
Puppy: …
Puppy: Ok, I waited. Where is she?
Me: You’ll have to wait a little more.
Puppy: This is very hard.

 

Puppy: I’m ready for lasagna.
Me: What?
Puppy: Lasagna. I’m ready.
Me: We don’t have lasagna.
Puppy: You could make some?
Me: And lasagna is not for puppies.
Puppy: Garfield eats lasagna.
Me: Garfield is a cat.
Puppy: I’ll pretend to be a cat if you give me lasagna.
Me: Since when do you read the comics?

 

Puppy: Here I am.
Me: Yes you are, you sweet thing.
Puppy: Sooo…?
Me: So?
Puppy: I smell the treat, Mom.
Me: You do?
Puppy: Do you doubt the World’s Greatest Nose?
Me: Silly me.
Puppy: I’m here. And the treat’s here.
Me: And?
Puppy: You’re not really good at math are you?

Love, Mom

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Puppy Conversations | Cooking for Thanksgiving (and Garbage)

Dear Kid,

Puppy: What is THAT wonderful thing?
Me: The garbage?
Puppy: It smells fantastic!
Me: Sniffing is allow. Touching is not.
Puppy: My nose is sooo happy.
Me: I’m very glad your nose is happy.
Puppy: When do we eat the stuff in that wonderful thing?
Me: We don’t.
Puppy: What?
Me: It’s the garbage.
Puppy: You said that. Garbage smells delicious.
Me: Garbage is not for Puppies.
Puppy: Ridiculous.
Me: Do not touch.
Puppy: It’s very hard to behave with that wonderful thing right there.

 

Puppy: What are you doing?
Me: I’m cooking.
Puppy: There are very good sniffs up there.
Me: I’m glad you approve.
Puppy: May I have a taste please?
Me: This is not for you.
Puppy: What?
Me: It’s for the family.
Puppy: But I’M family.
Me: Right. It’s for family members with only two legs.
Puppy: Not my fault you’re all limb-deficient.

 

Puppy: Mom!
Me: What?
Puppy: I have to eat some of those smells!
Me: No.
Puppy: What?
Me: No. Not for Puppies.
Puppy: We should talk about this.
Me: We can talk. Won’t change the answer.
Puppy: I don’t like this.
Me: I know, but we want to keep you healthy.
Puppy: I don’t think I like “healthy.”

Love, Mom

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Puppy Conversations | Thanksgiving Food and Staying Healthy

Dear Kid,

I'll just sit here and look adorable until you share some of the yummies. Puppy Conversations. DearKidLoveMom.comPuppy: You’re cooking!
Me: Yes, I am.
Puppy: So that people can eat.
Me: Yep.
Puppy: I should probably taste things.
Me: Excuse me?
Puppy: To be sure things taste good. I’ll be your tester.
Me: I don’t need a taster.
Puppy: You taste.
Me: True.
Puppy: I should taste too.
Me: Not true.
Puppy: But it smells sooooo goooood.
Me: Thanksgiving food isn’t very good for Puppies.
Puppy: I think it will be very yummy.
Me: Perhaps. But your insides won’t be very happy.
Puppy: My tummy will be very happy.
Me: For a short time. But your liver and pancreas won’t be very happy.
Puppy: My which?
Me: I want to keep you healthy, so no tasting for you.
Puppy: None???
Me: Tell you what. How about a scoop of pumpkin?
Puppy: I LOVE pumpkin.
Me: Happy Thanksgiving, Puppy!

Not all people food is good for dogs. Cooked bones can splinter and cause serious problems. Raw turkey is not properly prepared for animals and may still have toxic pathogens. And fatty food can cause very serious issues. Stick with giving your pups lots of love. And maybe a tiny bit of cooked turkey (no skin) and a small scoop of plain pumpkin.

Love, Mom

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Puppy Conversations | The Potty Episode

Dear Kid,

Puppy: You’re weird.
Me: Um, thank you? Why do you say that?
Puppy: You always pee in the same place.
Me: The bathroom, yes.
Puppy: And you don’t sniff before you pee.
Me: True.
Puppy: I take my time.
Me: You do.
Puppy: I sniff around, I think about where to pee.
Me: You do.
Puppy: And I pee in different places.
Me: Yes, that’s true too.
Puppy: You’re weird.

Puppy Conversations DearKidLoveMom.com

Puppy: You picked up my poop.
Me: Yes.
Puppy: You always pick up my poop.
Me: Yes, of course.
Puppy: Because you love my poop.
Me: Well, I love you.
Puppy: And so we should–Hey! You have someone’s poop in that bag!
Me: I, um, yes.
Puppy: It smells very interesting.
Me: It’s your poop.
Puppy: Don’t be ridiculous.

 

Puppy: Yip!
Me: What’s the matter?
Puppy: I was attacked! Who attacked me?
Me: No one attacked you.
Puppy: Don’t be silly. I felt it.
Me: That was you, snookie.
Puppy: I attacked me? I wouldn’t attack me. I LIKE me.
Me: You farted.
Puppy: I would never.
Me: You did.
Puppy: I was attacked.

Love, Mom

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Puppy Gets Upset with The State of Things and Other Problems

Dear Kid,

Mom went upstairs for a bit and I’ve taken over the computer.

Puppy Gets Upset with The State of Things and Other Problems DearKidLoveMom.comWe have A Problem and I think you need to get involved.

Are you paying attention? Because this is a Big Issue. I’ve tried my best to solve it, but I am only a puppy and I don’t seem to be able to convince her We Have Problems.

Earlier today, People walked by in the street. I barked and barked and all Mom said was, “Shhh.” She didn’t investigate, she didn’t call the police, she didn’t Do Anything.

Then there was a chipmunk in the garage. I sniffed and snorted and pointed and showed her exactly were the rodent hiding spaces are and do you know what she said? Do you know? She said (and I’m quoting her exactly here), “Into the house with you.” Into the house with me? Without addressing the interloper issues?

This is—in my expert opinion—irresponsible house ownership. Something must be done. The keys must be taken. The authorities must be alerted! We cannot have Strangers Walking By without sufficient alarm systems. We cannot have animals living here that don’t pay rent.

(Pi: You don’t pay rent.
(Puppy: I don’t?
(Pi: Nope.)

We cannot have animals living here that don’t have a collar and their own crate!

Please fix this Situation!

She’s your mother.

Love, Puppy

Puppy Writes Today’s Letter While Mom Sleeps

Puppy Writes Today’s Blog

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