Puppy

20 Rules for College Students Coming Home | Tomorrow is Graduation

Dear Kid,

You’re about to graduate (yeah, still struggling with that).

And you’re about to be home for a while (not a struggle at all).

Tomorrow is College Graduation! DearKidLoveMom.comSo it seems prudent to review the Rules of the House (these should not be a surprise).

  1. If you use it up, tell someone. Preferably someone with a piece of paper and a writing implement. Better yet, write it on the shopping list yourself.
  2. Don’t use up the last of the Diet Coke.
  3. Don’t use up the last of the coffee (with our stock that’s pretty much impossible).
  4. Try not to be too cheerful before I’ve had coffee.
  5. If you have the talent (and you do), you should play guitar and sing for your mother a few times before you disappear.
  6. The Puppy is the King of the House.
  7. As it turns out, Royalty doesn’t go on the furniture, is not allowed upstairs, and doesn’t get fed from the table just for looking pathetic.
  8. There is a whole list of foods His Furness can no longer have. This is not a suggestion.
  9. Being a member of the family means sometimes walking the Puppy. Which will make him very happy. Without fussing. Which will make everyone else very happy.
  10. If you’re the last one in at night, close the garage door. I’ve already had the great pleasure of being called at 2am by the police (who told me very kindly that the garage door was open and they would wait patiently at the foot of the driveway until I closed it). I prefer to meet the police during daylight hours.
  11. If you’re going to be late, let us know. We worry.
  12. You are perfectly capable of making your own breakfast, lunch, and snacks (in fact you’re a very good cook). You are also very good at cleaning up after you cook. Practice these skills in a reasonable ratio (and by “reasonable” I mean 1:1)
  13. Dishes go in the dishwasher. You know this. Act upon that knowledge.
  14. Clean dishwashers get emptied. Act upon this knowledge too.
  15. Clothing (both clean and dirty) should be stored somewhere other than the floor.
  16. Helping around the house is a right, a privilege, and a responsibility.
  17. You have the right to choose what is on the TV. Sometimes. Other people have this right too.
  18. Yes, we are happy to help you. That does not mean we are always available to help the very second you think about whatever-it-is.
  19. You have just finished exams, and graduation, and moving out, and you are doubtless exhausted. This entitles you to sleep and be slightly grumpy for a bit. That bit doesn’t last more than a couple of days.
  20. We love you. That’s the most important part.

Love, Mom

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Bats and Ballet

Dear Kid,

After a extending his stay about 24 hours, the bat has checked out of Casa Mia.

Going Batty. DearKidLoveMom.comIt was a bit on the crazy side.

After a few more rounds of “fling open the front door and see if the bat will randomly fly out of the house” served with a side of Curious Puppy, the bat retreated to the second floor. Dad seemed to think this was a good idea. The Puppy and I weren’t convinced.

Then nothing proceeded to happen.

Then everything happened.

The bat reappeared. In our bedroom. This is not exactly where one wants to see a bat (just in case you weren’t sure).

Dad leapt in to action. I am not exaggerating. Leapt. After a Grand Jete across the room, he opened the window, which made a great deal of sense—except for the screen on the window. The bat dived toward the bed. Dad unhooked the screen. The bat zoomed across the room. Dad almost dropped the screen down two flights onto the bushes. The bat ignored the now open window and instead dropped about 1,000 feet directly toward Dad.

Dad ducked.

The bat saw this as an invitation to dance. It was an invitation the bat did not refuse.

Thus began the Pas de Deux of bat and man.

The bat made elegant use of his wings, swooping and diving, appearing and disappearing with grace and beauty.

Dad made inelegant use of the screen, lunging and flailing around in an attempt to guide the bat to the window.

The bat did not perceive the screen as an Agent of Good. And showed this by resolutely avoid all of Dad’s efforts to herd him.

“He’s getting tired!” When Dad said that, I was pretty sure he was projecting his own condition. When he repeated it, I was sure.

Eventually, the bat settled on the screen (the third time) and Dad guided it out the window.

I have not yet found evidence of bat guano.

Which I’m hoping is a good thing.

(Except that the bat was here a pretty long time…)

Love, Mom

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April 2 is National Reconciliation Day | Puppy Conversations

April 2 is National Reconciliation Day | Puppy Conversations

Dear Kid,

Happy April! I hope you survived April 1st without too many Fools or too much snow. (What is it with Mother Nature this year? Spring should not include snow imho.)

April 2nd is National Reconciliation Day.

Puppy: What does National Reconciliation Day mean?
Me: Do you know what National means?
Puppy: I’m a puppy, not a linguist.
Me: Fair enough. It means the whole country gets to celebrate.
Puppy: Everyone?
Me: If they choose to.
Puppy: Celebrate means treats, right?
Me: I guess it might.
Puppy: What about the rest?
Me: Reconciliation means to patch up a friendship or relationship.
Puppy: Patch up?
Me: Fix.
Puppy: Huh? I don’t understand. Why would you need to fix a friendship?
Me: Sometimes people say or do something that is hurtful to someone they care about.
Puppy: WHAT? You mean they bite?
Me: No, but sometimes words can hurt.
Puppy: Like when you tell me not to do something?
Me: Sort of like that.
Puppy: But then you tell me you love me.
Me: I do love you.
Puppy: I think I know what the problem is.
Me: You do?
Puppy: Some people don’t sniff other people enough. Then they get confused.
Me: You might be right.
Puppy: When do we celebrate with the treats?

Love, Mom

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Global Pet Expo | Wrap Up

Dear Kid,

The point of the Global Pet Expo was not just to walk new blisters onto my feet (yes, I was wearing sneakers, but still…) and not just to gawk at the concept of dog bikinis (although that was fun, too).

Yes, I went to Global Pet Expo in Orlando. DearKidLoveMom.com

Global was all about finding products to carry in one’s business.

The really cool ones I can’t tell you about and the boring ones are…boring. So I won’t bother telling you about them (you’re welcome).

There were a couple of things that surprised me.

In the aquarium/fish/aqua section there were jellyfish displays with weird lights. You know how I feel about jellyfish, but as art it was pretty cool.

There were also rescue puppies for adoption in a couple of booths (can I get a “way to go” and a couple of “awwwws”?).

Puppy for adoption. DearKidLoveMom.com

Yes, I stopped to hold puppies for a while. No, I did not bring one home. DearKidLoveMom.com

Yes, I stopped to hold some of the puppies. No, I did not bring one home.

There were some really good seminars and some fun products.

You got a letter today. It tasted important. The Dog. DearKidLoveMom.com

Life is ruff before coffee. DearKidLoveMom.com

And the trip home was highly uneventful (yay!), until the Puppy started sniffing around my suitcase (yes, I brought treats for him).

Love, Mom

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Global Pet Expo (You Are Not Going to Believe This Stuff)

Dear Kid,

Did I tell you I went to Orlando for the Global Pet Expo?

Yes, I went to Global Pet Expo in Orlando. DearKidLoveMom.com

There isn’t much related to pets that isn’t at Global (I’m an insider now, so I can use the diminutive).

Stuff for fish? Yep; proceed to the Aqua section. Bunny, ferret, gerbil stuff? Yep; proceed to vendors who offer things for small animals. Cat stuff? By the boatload. Even coops and ramps for chickens (I kid you not).

Even coops and ramps for chickens. DearKidLoveMom.com

But mostly Global is about dogs.

At Global, one can find everything a dog might need (the Puppy now has a new collar), and many, many, many things that no dog ever needs.

Dog bikini. Exhibit A under Things No Dog Ever Needs. Ever. DearKidLoveMom.com

You never know what you'll see at the Global Pet Expo. DearKidLoveMom.com

And some things that made me smile, like Dean Russo art. As a matter of fact, the artist himself was at the show and signed a print for me (yay!).

Dean Russo prints. I love his art. DearKidLoveMom.com

There are really creative displays hoping to capture your attention. Which is not easy because this thing is huge. Big. Ginormous. Sneakers required. Except by the people who run the thing—they used Segways.

Display at Global Pet Expo. DearKidLoveMom.com

Some displays were insanely huge; others were insanely creative. DearKidLoveMom.com

Not only were there about a zillion people at Global, there were a surprising number of dog attendees. Some were acting like dogs.

Helping to demo a cooling collar, but mostly just being a dog. DearKidLoveMom.com

Others, not so much.

All kinds of buyers attended the Global Pet Expo. DearKidLoveMom.com

Love, Mom

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Returning from the Cruise | The Puppy Has His Own Opinions

Returning from the Cruise | The Puppy Has His Own Opinions

Dear Kid,

Me: Hi, Baby! We’re back!
Puppy: Oh, hi Mom.
Puppy Conversations DearKidLoveMom.comMe: Come on Sweetie, it’s time to go home.
Puppy: You go on. I’ll catch you later.
Me: We’ve been away for 10 days!
Puppy: I know. Did you have fun?
Me: Wouldn’t you like to say Hello?
Puppy: I did (see several lines above).
Me: I meant with a snuggle and ecstatic wiggling.
Puppy: Not necessary. You don’t have to wiggle. I know you’re back.
Me: This isn’t the greeting I imagined.
Puppy: You have an active imagination.
Me: So you had fun?
Puppy: I had a great time. So I’m staying here.
Me: What?
Puppy: You can visit whenever you want.
Me: This isn’t your home.
Puppy: I’m pretty sure they’d be happy to let me live here.
Me: Um…
Puppy: Good. So it’s all settled.
Me: Not settled. What about your pillow?
Puppy: I get to sleep on people beds here. No contest.
Me: And our family?
Puppy: You’ll visit! We’re only a few houses away.
Me: What about your toys?
Puppy: I do love my toys…You can bring them here.
Me: You’d have to share them if we brought them here.
Puppy: I’m not very good at sharing.
Me: No, not so much.
Puppy: This is a hard decision.
Me: This is not a decision at all. Time to go home.
Puppy: I don’t think you understand how “negotiation” works.
Dad: Most of the time “negotiation” means “Do what Mommy says.”
Me: Let’s go.
Puppy: Hey, I’ve been ready. I was wondering why you’re keeping me waiting…

Love, Mom

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